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MOG attire XP

mbaetembaete member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Moms and Maids

My future mother in law is wanting to wear the same color as my bridesmaids. 
The dress she is wanting is VERY similar to my BM's dress.
She is asking me my opinion and for suggestions.
 I do not want her in the same color as my BM, and am looking for a polite way to tell her this.

Any moms have suggestions to this? or ideas of places I can direct her to look for a dress?

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Re: MOG attire XP

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    asiriusoneasiriusone
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    Maybe you can suggest that you would like to see her in a special dress which is not so similar to your bridesmaids.  How nice that she is asking for your opinion and suggestions, as I'm sure there are many other MOGs that have not.  Can you go shopping together which will give you an opportunity to guide her toward a more suitable option?
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    asiriusoneasiriusone
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    Not everyone cruises every board.  I do not understand why anyone would take exception to posting in more than more place, especially when they are following the "XP" rule. 
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    em01092em01092 member
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    Like the girls on the other board, I would just make other suggestions to her. What is her favorite color or one she looks best in? Maybe direct her to Dillards, Macy's, etc and go shopping together. 

    If she really presses you about it, I would just say, "Well, I'd really prefer you wear another color than the BMs, but I want you to feel beautiful and comfortable." If she really wants the aqua dress, just let her wear it. She'll be in like 3 pics max with all of the BMs, and she will get her own flower/corsage, be seated during the wedding, etc. No one will mistake her for a BM. 

    Remember, the bottom line is you don't want to make this a battle and turn into something that will strain your relationship. She will be your MIL for your life, your wedding is one day. If she wants to fight over the aqua, just let her wear the darned aqua. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
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    mbaetembaete member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-attire-xp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d19a5ee-35b0-4ffd-989f-36885c09363cPost:d340a4ca-3f5e-4177-a33d-2b7015d5943f">Re: MOG attire XP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Didn't like the responses you got on E?
    Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

    The responses I got on E were fine. I just wanted to get other perspectives.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-attire-xp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d19a5ee-35b0-4ffd-989f-36885c09363cPost:4ad77510-821e-463b-a2f9-0bdaa6f55f06">Re: MOG attire XP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG attire XP : If you will look at my op on this board. I was also asking for suggestions of places to shop, so I did take E boards advice. We will be going on a shopping trip. <strong>But I still had to figure out a polite way to explain that I dont want her wearing my maids colors and that we can go shopping to find something.
    </strong>Posted by mbaete[/QUOTE]

    There is no polite way of saying this.  By telling her that she can't wear your maids colors you are trying to tell her what to wear...you shouldn't do this because she is a grown woman and can dress herself.  As long as she doesn't wear white or a wedding dress she can wear whatever she wants.

    Is it really going to ruin your wedding day if she does wear the same color...have a little perspective of what is really important.

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    I'm an MOB, since you are asking for perspective:

    The mothers may wear whatever color, style, length of dress that they want. They do not have to match or complement each other, the wedding party or the decor. They do not need to get approval of their selection from the bride because they are not in the wedding party. The bride gets to tell the bms what to wear, within reason, and that's it.

    If your Mom or FMIL asks for recommendations on where to buy her dress, I'd suggest they check out Nordstrom.com for ideas or shop in the formal, social wear departments of their favorite stores

    Please do yourself a favor and don't try to control what your FMIL wears to your wedding. Believe it or not, this is a big day for her, too. When she finds a dress that makes her happy, just tell her it's beautiful.

    Just be happy she isn't looking for a long white or ivory dress.

    edit-spelling
                       
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    mbaetembaete member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-attire-xp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8d19a5ee-35b0-4ffd-989f-36885c09363cPost:5001efa0-889d-4723-8125-ce4b05fb9048">Re: MOG attire XP</a>:
    [QUOTE]The moms wear whatever they want to, unless they're in the wedding party.  Furthermore, your wedding isn't until September. It's  too early to shop for a dress for her, and she might just find something she likes better if you'll only drop this and leave it alone. Keep fussing and she might wear it just to spite you.  Let it go. This is not a hill you want to die on.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I understand that she doesn't need to purchase a dress yet, but she is starting to look, i did not bring it up to her. I am not fussing with her about it. She said that she found a dress and showed me a picture of it. and asked what i thought
    I told her I wasn't sure what my mom was going to wear and that I would let her know if it would work.
    I was looking for the best way to tell her that I dont want her to match the WP.
    I got some great suggestions.
    Thanks everyone!
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    XP means cross post - she has posted the same message on multiple boards.
                       
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    Abar0302Abar0302 member
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    Thanks mariepoppy
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    ymagaiaymagaia member
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    Okay, I am a past MOG and in 2013, I will be the MOB for my only daughter.  Maybe I was raised to care too much about other people feelings being more important than my own, I'm not sure. But, I asked my daughter in law what color she wanted me in, after all, it was HER wedding and she should have some say, at least I felt she should. And, my daughter, when she said, she wasn't sure what color I should wear, I simply stated, Your colors are Ivory and black, the girls are wearing Ivory with black lace overlay. (I am an artist) I think, that so your photos look spectacular and we all mesh together, that we should wear shades in that realm..... I suggested, charcoal, silver, soft grey for us mothers and she loved the idea. Tell her, that while you want her to coordinate with your color choices, that you want her and your mother to stand out from the crowd, so if she wants to stay in the color palette, that it would be awesome!
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