Moms and Maids

MOB issues- super excited mom planning everything after 1 week of engagment

i have been engaged for 1 week and my mom is pushing me to pick a date, view reception places and pick colors. She told me that on my day off this week we were going to tour a few places. I've been engaged 1 week! i know i haven't done this before but if we hope to get married in the next year or so do i really have to rush and do all of this the first week im engaged?! we don't have a reason to rush so why is it so important to pick a date and such right now? is it ok to just enjoy being engaged far a few weeks?

please let me know if there is a reason to rush to get a date and pick a reception hall (we maynot even do a hall for the reception) ect...right away & and how do i clam my really really really  excited mother down or help her understand that we wish to wait a few weeks before starting to plan everything.   thank you!!!
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Re: MOB issues- super excited mom planning everything after 1 week of engagment

  • edited December 2011
    Well, if you want to get married next summer - I don't think RUSHING is needed but it definitely wouldn't hurt to get a few things in place now, since summer months are very popular for getting married.

    I'd say you'd probably want to book the church and reception hall and a few other things (maybe caterer, dj, photog) but other things can wait, like picking your colors or going dress shopping.
    panther
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations on your engagement.
    In the first month of my daughters engagement, we talked non-stop about the wedding. We were so excited. Things have calmed down considerably, since then. We now have actual conversations about non-wedding related things. Let your mom have her fun.

                       
  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you plan on getting married next summer then you need to start looking.  A lot of places are booked a year in advanced.  Sit down with your FI and talk about what kind of wedding you want (date, size, formal/casual, budget).  If you plan on getting married next year in the Spring then you need to jump on it now, Summer- start looking and get the feel but you should start locking down a venue soon, Fall- you have time.

    Tell your mom that you and your FI haven't even discussed what type of wedding you want just yet and it would be pointless to look at venues before you've discussed the main points with your FI.
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  • edited December 2011
    thank you !!  i really don't want to kill my moms fun but she can be a bit overbearing sometimes. i know that she means well and i love her very much but my FH and I want to discuss these things before my mom goes out and books apts and then tells me about it.

    i know she is really excited and im glad she is so excited to be involved i just fear that if this is how the first week is that it will only be the beginning to her telling what and how we are doing things.

    I feel like i need to just tell her something to get her to relax and change dates and venues when my FH and i actually decide but i know it would crush her later. She's the type of person that needs to know now.

    one of the reasons we want to take a few weeks before we pick a date is because my FH's aunt is ill and we don't want to set a date before her chemo is finished. My mom doesn't understand this....
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  • edited December 2011
    If you hope to get married summer 2011 you probably should look at a few venues and start getting prices. Venues book 1-1.5 years in advance in most areas. In my area venues booked up around 1 year in advance; however there happened to be a festival in town the weekend of my wedding so half of the city was "off-limits."

    On the other hand, the first thing the venue will ask is "what is your date?" If you don't have one picked you will end up working around their calendar and not your own. I suggest setting a date before looking around.

    Tell your mother that you just want to take a few weeks to be engaged and revisit the wedding planning after you and FI set a date.
    Anniversary
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    That's sweet of you to take your Fi's aunt into consideration.
    Your mom is not hearing you right now, because she is so excited. Just make her promise she won't commit to anything without discussing it with you and fi first. If she is paying for the wedding, you will have to make the same promise to her.
                       
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oh gosh.  Sometimes moms (and brides) get so caught up in the first blush of excitement of a life event that it consumes us.

    We find out that we're pregnant~we're consumed with pregnancy and what's happening to us and our developing baby.  So we read every single pamphlet that we pick up at our OB's office.

    Baby is born~we're consumed by all things infant and we find ourselves spending way too much time reading baby magazines and wandering the aisles of BabiesRUs.

    Child joins their first soccer team~we're consumed by the fact that our little athlete is playing on a sports team.  We buy soccer gear like it's going out of style tomorrow and find ourselves cheering like a goofball on the sidelines.

    Teenager is deciding where they're going to college~we're consumed by finding the best school for our young scholar.  We buy the books, talk with the guidance counselor, and drag our kids to campus visits where we ask more questions than our kids do, and we buy college sweatshirts that WE wear.

    Daughter gets married~we're consumed by the image of our sweet little girl, whose hair we braided and whose hand we held on the way to the kindergarten door,  getting married.  So..........we dive in.

    We get over the silliness of each stage fairly quickly.  But for the first couple of weeks~yeah, we're consumed by the idea.

    I hate to sound cliche~but should you decide to have children one day, you'll understand how these precious gifts of God consume us.  And that's not a bad thing.

    Congrats on your engagement.  A give your mom a break.  She's been thinking about this for a long, long time.  =)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    Congratulations...what Trix said!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • gailpetegailpete member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Trix is a wise woman.
  • edited December 2011
    "please let me know if there is a reason to rush to get a date and pick a reception hall (we maynot even do a hall for the reception) ect...right away & and how do i clam my really really really  excited mother down or help her understand that we wish to wait a few weeks before starting to plan everything.   thank you!!!"

    I had no idea what we were doing when I got engaged. My mom is not around and FI's mom lives 8 hours away. I wished I had one of them to guide me with what needed to be done at what point in planning. When we decided on a date, we started looking at venues and halls, had NO idea how far in advance these places book up. So to answer your question, you do need to pick a date and then decide on your venues relatively quickly, after that you can start to relax a bit...most other things do not book a year or more out. Just keep in mind other brides will decide right away and things will book up very quickly.   Congratulations and hope this helps :)
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  • edited December 2011
    Trix hit the message head on!  As a MOB, I know how easy it is to want to plan every detail and then tell the bride.  Give your mom a break, she wants your wedding day to be special and everything you want it to be (or at least, through her eyes) 
    BIG word of advice--TALK to your mom, especially since she is excited and wants to plan things. Her excitement is a grand thing but you two should talk and make some planning TOGETHER.  
    Believe me, talking and working together from early on, will save a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstanding later on.
    Best of luck on your engagement and wedding plans!!  Have fun and relax, the more planning and the more engaging your mom are as a team, the easier and better this great time can be a partnership.   I speak from experience!
  • edited December 2011
    Trix hit the message head on!  As a MOB, I know how easy it is to want to plan every detail and then tell the bride.  Give your mom a break, she wants your wedding day to be special and everything you want it to be (or at least, through her eyes) 
    BIG word of advice--TALK to your mom, especially since she is excited and wants to plan things. Her excitement is a grand thing but you two should talk and make some planning TOGETHER.  
    Believe me, talking and working together from early on, will save a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstanding later on.
    Best of luck on your engagement and wedding plans!!  Have fun and relax, the more planning and the more engaging your mom are as a team, the easier and better this great time can be a partnership.   I speak from experience!
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    We had been talking about getting engaged and married, so even before we got engaged my mom had written out her guest list, got ideas from friends whose daughters had gotten married, and even looked at a few places.  I could ward her off by saying I don't have a ring yet I don't want to jinx myself with planning.  And of course when I got engaged she was extremely excited and wanted to start planning.  I understood though that even when I wasn't the type of bride to have dreamed of my wedding since I was a kid, my mom had been.  Its kinda like the excitement we felt when we were able to get our license and drive for the first time.

    I would talk to FI and look into possible dates and venue types you would want.  That is definitely something you want to book ASAP if you are planning a wedding during a busy season.  Let your mom have fun looking and getting ideas.  It can save you some looking after.  Her excitement will calm down. 

    It is sweet of you to take his aunt into consideration, but I think you are fine to pick a date before.  It might even give her some encouragement to feel better and have something to look forward too. 

    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • erin579erin579 member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congrats on your engagement.  The girls are right, speak with FI and figure things out between the two of you, but in the meantime maybe you and mom could do something fun like plan a little engagement party or brunch of some sort, it will give her something to focus on and give you a little breathing room ;)

    Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I'm no expert, but my advice is to speak with your fiance and commit now to do things the way that you two want, not however mom suggests. My mom acted similarly when I first got engaged (7 months ago) and hasn't stopped - I'm finally realizing now how much of what I originally wanted hasn't come to fruition because I've been listening to her "advice." My point is, find a way to handle this now and stick to it. I'm finally realizing the problem, and it's a lot harder to handle now because I've gone so long letting her think she has so much say in everything. Don't ignore this, because she won't necessarily stop (especially if she thinks she has the right to go ahead making appointments for you and such - she's not your wedding planner, she's your mom, and you're an adult). Depending on your relationship, maybe a heart-to-heart would help, or maybe you'll have to ignore her suggestions and calmly point out that you have your own ideas on how to do things (every... single... time... that she tells you what you "have" to do).

    I hope this is somewhat helpful and didn't come off as just a vent on my part... I guess it's more of a warning not to ignore the issue. Good luck, and do let me know if you find a way to calm her down!


    p.s. As far as your timeline, I would suggest looking at venues soonish and picking a date, but I wouldn't say you have to rush.

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