Moms and Maids

how can i pay tribute to both of my decesased parents?

My FI & I just got engaged 3 weeks ago & I have already began planning our wedding. My dad passed away when i was 5 & my mom when i was 14 due to MS. My sister is my MOH & I'm having a hard time figuring out who will walk me down the aisle, programs, father/daughter dance & planning a wedding without my mom & dad. I feel like i can't talk to my sister about it, even though it's been 10 years since my mom's passing it's still a difficult subject , my future mother in law wants to help with as much as she can and I'm blessed to have her in my life but it's not the same. I wanted to dance to mama's song by carrie underwood & tears in heaven by erc clapton in their memory. My grandma has been the stongest loosing 3 of her children in one year and i want her to know a day doesn't pass we don't wish they were still here, but i don't want to bring her to tears. Anyone who has any suggestions on how to incorporate my parents into the ceremony or reception, please share.

Re: how can i pay tribute to both of my decesased parents?

  • I'm sorry for your loss!  I don't have deceased parents, but we do have grandparents deceased.  We will have flowers up front in their memory and a note about that in the programs.  Other suggestions I've seen is carrying something of theirs in your bouquet (a locket/pocketwatch, etc.)  Also, could your grandmother walk you down the aisle?  Or your sister? 
    Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
  • I'm so sorry for your losses.  Fluffernut has good suggestions.  You could also consider displaying a picture of your parents (maybe one from their wedding day?) or playing their song, if they had one during the reception.

    One think I would suggest, and I hope this doesn't come across as insenstive, is to talk to your grandma and your sister about any ideas you have before you decide on anything too specific or public.  You want to remember your parents without re-awakening grief and it will likely be emotionally difficult for a lot of your family without very visible or public reminders that your parents cannot be present.  This might mean deciding to play the songs you want without a specific announcement of their purpose or deciding to go just with flowers placed out at your ceremony but no program note. 

    I struggled with remembering my maternal grandma and DH's brother.  We didn't want to upsest people on a happy day so we did flowers at our ceremony site, which our officiant announced as flowers in remember of those who could not be present.  I also carried my grandma's handkerchief in my bouquet.


  • I am sorry for your losses. I don't have deceased parents but I do have both sets of grandparents deceased. I am having small photos of them made and placed into small frames to put around my bouquet...I am going to put it on my sister's bouquet too she doesnt know it yet. I am also doing a table at the reception that will have vases and candles lit with their pictures in frames. I have attached pics for you. HTH good luck.
    My bouquet and sister's will have these pictures on them
    this will be at the reception
  • I lost both of my parent when I was younger. Our minister suggested that after my brother gives me away, the minister will give me two roses. I'm walking the flowers to the seats the would be sitting. No words are spoken so it helps us hold back the tears. As we go back up front, someone will read a passage and the ceremony can begin.
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