Bridesmaid dress

LuvsBubs14

So I have 10 bridesmaids and they ALL love the dress I picked out for them. Except one BM. She's a plus size BM and thinks she will look silly in the dress. Do I say OK. I'LL CHANGE ALL THE BM DRESSES TO FIT WHAT YOU LIKE. Or do I say DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE THE BMS AND I LOVE IT. I honestly don't think she would look silly. She has an appointment to try it on next Tuesday and she said "if I like it we can go with it" and she's been telling all my BMs that and I have gotten many texts from the rest of the girls saying WTF WE LOVE THAT DRESS!!! What to do!!!

Viczaesar

Neither.  You wait until she actually tries it on and go from there.  If she is uncomfortable in it you can keep searching for a dress that fits everyone's budget and that everyone is comfortable with, or you give them a color and length specification and let them pick out their own dresses.  The second is probably a better idea, with 10 bridesmaids of different sizes.

Did you ask them each,  individually, what their budget is?

Telling any friend or family member "DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE THE BMS AND I LOVE IT" is a diick move.  Really, why would you want to either force your friend out of the wedding party or make her attend your wedding in a dress that she doesn't feel comfortable in?

em01092

Ditto PP. Just pick a color and length, and be done with it. I did this, and it was the best decision I ever made. It saved me SO much stress. 

pegasuskat

With 10 BM's I don't see how you would ever find a dress that 100% likes.  You should either tell them all to get one in the color you want, or since the others have all agreed on the one, tell this last one that she can get something similar in style and in the same color.  I personally though, when I have been in weddings wear what the bride picks, its her wedding.

kristinmc8

With 10 bridesmaids, I would agree with PPs to pick a color and length of dress and let each one pick which dress fits them best and they are most comfortable in. I personally didn't do this because I only had 3 bridesmaids to deal with, but I made sure they were all comfortable and we all went together to pick it out. I wouldn't tell her to "get over it", because this will only hurt her feelings and you really don't want her uncomfortable the entire day of your wedding.

LuvsBubs14

I said nothing about budget being an issue so I don't know where this is coming from or why you're making it an issue. I was debating on giving them a length and color but if they present me with a dress I don't like do I tell them no or keep quiet? I think letting the girls keep the original dress is a great idea and have the one BM look for a dress that looks similar to it. I too always have worn what the bride tells me to wear because it's Her that's going to look at the pictures and 20 Years and care about them.

graysquirrel

I think that your plus-size BM's feelings need to be taken into greater account. As a woman who has been many sizes, I can tell you that just looking at some BM dresses gives me a heart attack. Larger women can be very self-conscious about what they wear. Would you rather have your friends be all matchy matchy for your photos, or have your good friend feel ok about herself and the dress that she has to buy?

Your BM should at least try on the dress, but if she is uncomfortable, listen to her. In the end what is important is friendships, not the feng shui of your wedding photos 20 years from now. Besides, if your friend does look bad in a dress that doesn't flatter her figure, you will also see that in your pics.

elldee333

I understand that it's hard when 90% of your BMs like a dress and only one is hesitant...but like a PP said, wait until she actually tries it on and go from there.

I'm in two weddings in a couple of months, and both brides just told us what dress to get (within our budgets, obviously) and no one complained. However...both of those brides picked out that specific dress with their plus size BMs in mind. The first wedding she had originially picked out two styles and let us pick, but then her sister found out she was pregnant and will be giving birth about a month before the wedding, so she wanted to make sure her sister was comfortable and the dress was forgiving. so she changed the style completely and none of us complained. The second wedding, the bride started out saying she was going to let all of us pick, but then her cousin who is a BM (and the only true plus size woman) tried on one particular dress and looked stunning in it, so the bride told us all to get that one.

Good luck, ideally she will love the dress and be comfortable, but like a PP said as well, friendships are what's most important, if one of my brides knew i was uncomfortable and said "deal with it", i would be concerned about that friend's priorities.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:91f028f1-7774-4c1d-80bc-1b8117669e42Post:5e643b75-62c1-4b4c-a716-bfaa30a6e8ce">Re: Bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I said nothing about budget being an issue so I don't know where this is coming from or why you're making it an issue. I was debating on giving them a length and color but<strong> if they present me with a dress I don't like do I tell them no or keep quiet?</strong> I think letting the girls keep the original dress is a great idea and have the one BM look for a dress that looks similar to it. I too always have worn what the bride tells me to wear because it's Her that's going to look at the pictures and 20 Years and care about them.
Posted by LuvsBubs14[/QUOTE]

<div>What wouldn't you like about it? I mean, as long as it's not actually inappropriate (boobs falling out, way too short, etc) and your <em>friend</em> (you do like these girls, yes?) feels fabulous in it, what could be wrong? I feel like friends are more important than the bride's so-called 'vision' for her pictures. Plus, if you force someone to wear something they don't feel good in, that's just going to show on their faces in said pictures.</div>

LuvsBubs14

You girls are all right! I'm just going to wait and see how she feels. Do you girls have pictures of your BM dresses?

LEGALLYblonde86

I would ask her to try it on...if it is not a good fit for her, maybe you could ask her to find a dress with the same color and fromt he same company but something that she is more comfortable in.

elldee333

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:91f028f1-7774-4c1d-80bc-1b8117669e42Post:7d644e0b-fef7-4ce4-b24b-a2c91fd82a51">Re: Bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]You girls are all right! I'm just going to wait and see how she feels. Do you girls have pictures of your BM dresses?
Posted by LuvsBubs14[/QUOTE]

For wedding #1 where the bride's sister will have just given birth, she went from a more fitted style to Alfred Angelo Style 7138

Wedding #2 (with the plus size cousin) is a bit more formal, we got Mori Lee Style # 262 (corset back, very forgiving haha)

Good luck!

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-dress-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:91f028f1-7774-4c1d-80bc-1b8117669e42Post:5e643b75-62c1-4b4c-a716-bfaa30a6e8ce">Re: Bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I <strong>said nothing about budget being an issue so I don't know where this is coming from or why you're making it an issue.</strong> I was debating on giving them a length and color but if they present me with a dress I don't like do I tell them no or keep quiet? I think letting the girls keep the original dress is a great idea and have the one BM look for a dress that looks similar to it. I too always have worn what the bride tells me to wear because it's Her that's going to look at the pictures and 20 Years and care about them.
Posted by LuvsBubs14[/QUOTE]
Why didn't you just answer the question?

LuvsBubs14

Cause that's not what I'm talking about so it has no purpose in this post. If budget was a worry I'd post something about budgeting.