bridezilla or not?

v1v10121

Ok so i need to know if Im being bridezilla or I have the right to be upset? My rehearsal dinner was yesterday and my maid of honor was a no show. Two weeks ago when the rehearsal dinner was being planned she mentioned that her boyfriend's cousin was graduating from high school and that he wasn't going to be able t make it. i told her that that was fine since he's not in the wedding or anything. Well then later on she made a big deal about how everyone else was gonna be bringing their significant other and she was going to be the odd ball out so she was going to make him come and miss the graduation. Not once did she mention that she was going it was the opposite until yesterday morning she was still telling me that she was not going to the "Stupid Graduation" and how she hates graduations anyway. So its time for rehearsal and we do a walk through one time. Then the best man request the we should do it again so everyone can do it perfect on the day of the wedding and she responds "i already know my part Im leaving" in front of everyone! I was shocked It really came out of no where. So later on she just texts me saying im sorry but i had to go to the graduation. So i told her how disappointed I was because I felt like she lied to me and pulled a stunt on me in front of everyone so I couldnt say anything and that if she would of been just a bm then I wouldn't care but she is the mo and I really expected her to be there. She then replied that if I had plans she would understand a graduation is a once in a life time and her bf didn't want her to miss it. so m i wrong for being upset?

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridezilla-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:92dfa440-581b-4bff-bde8-524ce7914f52Post:30711535-2a5b-4f17-ab39-c88d70271c8c">bridezilla or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so i need to know if Im being bridezilla or I have the right to be upset? My rehearsal dinner was yesterday and <strong>my maid of honor was a no show</strong>. Two weeks ago when the rehearsal dinner was being planned she mentioned that her boyfriend's cousin was graduating from high school and that he wasn't going to be able t make it. i told her that that was fine since he's not in the wedding or anything. Well then later on she made a big deal about how everyone else was gonna be bringing their significant other and she was going to be the odd ball out so she was going to make him come and miss the graduation. Not once did she mention that she was going it was the opposite until yesterday morning she was still telling me that she was not going to the "Stupid Graduation" and how she hates graduations anyway. So its time for rehearsal and we do a walk through one time. <strong>Then the best man request the we should do it again so everyone can do it perfect on the day of the wedding and she responds "i already know my part Im leaving" in front of everyone! </strong>I was shocked It really came out of no where. So later on she just texts me saying im sorry but i had to go to the graduation. So i told her how disappointed I was because I felt like she lied to me and pulled a stunt on me in front of everyone so I couldnt say anything and that if she would of been just a bm then I wouldn't care but she is the mo and I really expected her to be there. She then replied that if I had plans she would understand a graduation is a once in a life time and her bf didn't want her to miss it. so m i wrong for being upset?
Posted by v1v10121[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Okay, so she wasn't <em>actually </em>a no-show. She came and practiced and left. I think you're overreacting a bit.</div>

nikkir4

She obviously didn't want to go without her date. Pulling that stunt was unneccessary. She could've politely told you upfront that she would prefer to go to the graduation with her boyfriend.

She is in the wrong, and thats where it ends. Don't make a big stink about it, because then you will make yourself look bad. She embarressed herself, not you.

tenofcups4me

I don't think it was necessary for her to be at the actual dinner if she had something else to do, but I think it was incredibly rude to not tell you straight out in advance and just leave without notice. But since I assume your wedding is coming up today or tomorrow, I'd let it lie for now and if it's still bugging you afterwards, mention that you were hurt that she hadn't told you in advance.

MairePoppy

She should have told you ahead of time that she would be leaving right after the rehearsal to attend the graduation. I'm sure you would have understood, right?

It's okay to feel annoyed, but you shouldn't say anything about it to her. It won't accomplish anything other than add unnecessary tension. You should let it go.

vicki0508

I think you're overreacting.  She participated in the rehearsal, then had to leave quickly to get to the graduation on time.  She probably could've had more tact, but it's silly for you to waste your time and energy being upset that she didn't stay and eat the food.

em01092

I can understand your concern. 

Also look at how your MOH was feeling: she was torn between two very important events and felt like she had to choose between you and her SO. Yes, IMO, she should have been more up front with you and the stunt was childish, but what can you do now? It happened, it's over. Don't let it ruin your friendship. 

She did in fact show up to the rehearsal (the dinner is more or less optional, but I too would be disappointed if my MOH did not come), and as long as she shows up in her dress to the wedding, she has fulfilled her role as MOH. Not that you had crazy high expectations, but apparently this graduation did mean something to her and she didn't have the balls to tell you. That's her fault. 

After your wedding/HM, you can talk to her and tell her it hurt your feelings, but be mature about it if you do. 

acejunket

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridezilla-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:92dfa440-581b-4bff-bde8-524ce7914f52Post:d5ff07ac-8f58-487b-ab46-bcf8b537531f">Re: bridezilla or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're overreacting.  She participated in the rehearsal, then had to leave quickly to get to the graduation on time.  She probably could've had more tact, but it's silly for you to waste your time and energy being upset that she didn't stay and eat the food.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

This.

sarahsaturday2701

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridezilla-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:92dfa440-581b-4bff-bde8-524ce7914f52Post:bcc24035-4a9c-44eb-8c77-4c593273e32d">Re: bridezilla or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]She obviously didn't want to go without her date. Pulling that stunt was unneccessary. She could've politely told you upfront that she would prefer to go to the graduation with her boyfriend. She is in the wrong, and thats where it ends. Don't make a big stink about it, because then you will make yourself look bad. She embarressed herself, not you.
Posted by nikkir4[/QUOTE]

Agree

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridezilla-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:92dfa440-581b-4bff-bde8-524ce7914f52Post:72dfe419-ef1c-407f-b3b0-5a0696a11fec">Re: bridezilla or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]She should have told you ahead of time that she would be leaving right after the rehearsal to attend the graduation. I'm sure you would have understood, right? It's okay to feel annoyed, but you shouldn't say anything about it to her. It won't accomplish anything other than add unnecessary tension. You should let it go.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

This....

blush64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridezilla-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:92dfa440-581b-4bff-bde8-524ce7914f52Post:30711535-2a5b-4f17-ab39-c88d70271c8c">bridezilla or not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so i need to know if Im being bridezilla or I have the right to be upset? My rehearsal dinner was yesterday and my maid of honor was a no show. Two weeks ago when the rehearsal dinner was being planned she mentioned that her boyfriend's cousin was graduating from high school and that he wasn't going to be able t make it. i told her that that was fine since he's not in the wedding or anything. Well then later on she made a big deal about how everyone else was gonna be bringing their significant other and she was going to be the odd ball out so she was going to make him come and miss the graduation. Not once did she mention that she was going it was the opposite until yesterday morning she was still telling me that she was not going to the "Stupid Graduation" and how she hates graduations anyway. So its time for rehearsal and we do a walk through one time. Then the best man request the we should do it again so everyone can do it perfect on the day of the wedding and<strong> she responds "i already know my part Im leaving" in front of everyone!</strong> I was shocked It really came out of no where. So later on she just texts me saying im sorry but i had to go to the graduation. So i told her how disappointed I was because <strong>I felt like she lied to me and pulled a stunt on me in front of everyone so I couldnt say anything and</strong> that if she would of been just a bm then I wouldn't care but she is the mo and I really expected her to be there. She then replied that if I had plans she would understand <strong>a graduation is a once in a life time</strong> and her bf didn't want her to miss it. so m i wrong for being upset?
Posted by v1v10121[/QUOTE]

Ok, first bolded part, she said she knew her part and that she had to go. I wouldn't call that much of a stunt. It was cowardly that she didn't tell you BUT what would have happened if she did tell you. S

econd bolded part, she did this by surprise "so I couldn't say anything" Perhaps she thought you wouldn't understand things from her point of view and it seems as though you wouldn't.

Third bolded part, a graduation is special. She showed up, she did the walk through. She didn't need to do anything else. Her job isn't that hard so maybe she didn't need another one. I don't think the way she did it was the best but maybe she felt really torn and bad.

I I think she could have been more upfront BUT you could also be more understanding. She didn't miss it and she didn't miss the wedding. If you would have understood that she had to leave then you should tell her she could have come to you with the truth. If you would have freaked out I don't think she was right but I don't think you can complain.

juliu1je

I think it was rude of her to just rush out like that and make a scene.  Sh should have at least let you know that she changed her mind. Then, I am sure it would have made a lot more sense.  Maybe all she has to do is show up in the dress, but I would be a little sad to have my best friend kinda run out on me like that and just did the bare minimum.  I definitely think that you should just mention something to her about how it made you feel.  Not saying anything is just going to build resentment.  It was probably just a big misunderstanding and its likely she didn't even know thats how it looked, but friends dont just bail on friends.