Moms and Maids

FMIL Dress issues!!

Re: FMIL Dress issues!!

  • edited December 2011
    Yes, you are in the wrong. She is a grown woman and you can't tell her what and what not to wear. If she wants to wear the same dress she wore 4 years ago, that's her decision.

    And you and your FI will be wearing something different in the pictures and it will clearly be another event, not the same wedding.

    If you truly feel the dress doesn't fit right, perhaps you could offer to have it altered? Then she will look her best on the wedding day.
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you really tell HER any of this, I'd show up in a nightgown if I were her.

    You've just told us that she's gone through an illness that wreacked enough havoc on her body to cause massive weight loss.  Quite honestly, the fact that she's even put a passing thought into what she's wearing for a social function means she cares about you both and should be appreciated, not complained about.

    If anyone is honestly comparing what the mother of the groom wore in weddings years apart, they are going to nitpick everything, and what she has on will be the least of your concerns.

    Let her be comfortable.  Price may have nothing at all to do with this, she may just want to wear something SHE feels good in, which is what is important.  DId you let HER pick YOUR dress? 

    Also, pointing out that you weren't tactless and rude (by not asking for money from her) isn't really something to brag about.  You're paying for your own wedding?  Good job, you're just like the vast majority of us.  We're just not using that as an excuse to want to insult our FMILs for their choice of dress.

    Yes, I know I sound like a total wench in this reply, but this entire post is off-putting.
    10-10-10
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-dress-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93b067af-aa03-4ae7-aea9-f053b0dc27bdPost:8b9fb60e-245c-4d11-9626-16d33d000ec3">Re: FMIL Dress issues!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you really tell HER any of this, I'd show up in a nightgown if I were her. <strong>You've just told us that she's gone through an illness that wreacked enough havoc on her body to cause massive weight loss.</strong>  Quite honestly, the fact that she's even put a passing thought into what she's wearing for a social function means she cares about you both and should be appreciated, not complained about. If anyone is honestly comparing what the mother of the groom wore in weddings years apart, they are going to nitpick everything, and what she has on will be the least of your concerns. Let her be comfortable.  Price may have nothing at all to do with this, she may just want to wear something SHE feels good in, which is what is important.  DId you let HER pick YOUR dress?  Also, pointing out that you weren't tactless and rude (by not asking for money from her) isn't really something to brag about.  You're paying for your own wedding?  Good job, you're just like the vast majority of us.  We're just not using that as an excuse to want to insult our FMILs for their choice of dress. Yes, I know I sound like a total wench in this reply, but this entire post is off-putting.
    Posted by melissamc2[/QUOTE]

    Whoa, where did this go down? Link?
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The OP said:

    "Another reason is that she has lost a lot of weight due to illness and the dress will not fit right anymore."

    Losing that much weight isn't usually a common cold and the fact that she even brought up "illness" as opposed to just "weight loss" implies moderately serious.  If it was just the flu, then I apologize for jumping to a conclusion.
    10-10-10
  • edited December 2011
    Oh, I completed scanned over that. Oops!
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Darn, I'm sorry that I missed the OP on this one.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • asjs8482asjs8482 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    please ignore previous message...talked w/ family and realized there's WAY too much background info to really get true opinions. But i do want to clearify that by illness i meant that she is a diabectic (and has been for 27 yrs) that does not take care of herself at all! she is one of my best friends and everything will work out and be just fine...
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    No amount of background could make it okay to tell a grown woman with a chronic illness that her choice of outfit isn't acceptable.  None.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Yup, I missed the OP, also. Just wanted to tell you, though, that no matter what the circumstances are, the mothers, fathers, grandparents of the bride and groom get to wear whatever they like to the wedding. Just let her know how formal the wedding will be and leave it at that.
                       
  • JoyTate1JoyTate1 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I hate when people delete.  It just makes it seem like you know you are being a complete asshat, but are going to do it anyway.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-dress-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93b067af-aa03-4ae7-aea9-f053b0dc27bdPost:0af02428-490c-443d-aee0-d6fdf5ca160e">Re: FMIL Dress issues!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate when people delete.  It just makes it seem like you know you are being a complete asshat, but are going to do it anyway.
    Posted by JoyTate1[/QUOTE]

    <div>Uh-gree.</div><div>
    </div><div>Let the grown ass woman dress herself.</div>
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  • edited December 2011

    I agree that you cannot tell her what to wear. 

    Since you deleted your original post... I'm not sure I can offer the best advice.  But one way to have gotten her to move away from the dress that you dislike might have been offering to go shopping with her and have a fun girl's day out at the mall.

    At least she isn't wearing a white dress. 

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