Mother of Groom Attire

GoofyAssChick

I hadn't really thought much about what the mothers were going to wear to the wedding.  But yesterday while we were out with my FMIL she mentioned she had seen a blue tie dyed skirt at her local Goodwill and she thought she could wear that with a brown blazer.  His mother is not the kind of woman that enjoys shopping or clothes in general.  (Up until a talk my FI had with her a year ago, she would probably still be going without a bra in public.)  At first I thought she was kidding and brushed it off. But when I found out she was serious I am now worried.  I had assumed the moms would each purchase a nice dress, possibly with a matching jacket.  Nothing crazy fancy just something flattering and occasion appropriate.  She's going to be in the spotlight as the Mother of the Groom and I feel she should be proud of this and dress up.  My FI is her only child and is this is a one time occasion.  Especially since we want some great family photos taken and also that his stepmom will be there and we want her to feel confident while meeting my FI's dad's new wife (as she is very vocal about being apprehensive about it). My FI is in complete agreement that she should dress up more.  He thinks we should offer to purchase her dress or even a dressy pant suit.  

My FMIL has no sisters or women close to her to take her under their wing for this.  She doesn't have any female friends at all.  So, I want to suggest a day of shopping together possibly with my stepmom to go too so that it's a fun day out.  But I'm kind of worried about offending her, or wondering if I'm even in the right to make suggestions on what to wear.  I feel like I'm completely in the wrong and I'm breaking all kinds of ettiqutte.  

Surely there have been other brides in a similiar situation.  What would suggest I do??   

AddieCake

You can always suggest a day of shopping together, and perhaps then she will choose something more appropriate, but at the end of the day, you don't get to tell anybody outside of your WP what to wear. My stepmother wore a long, ivory, sparkly gown, which she married my father in a few months before, to our wedding, and I never said a word. 

GoofyAssChick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95b7e97f-ca84-43db-8574-7c742d1fd770Post:727b2c18-534c-4883-8ec1-887e47fafae9">Re: Mother of Groom Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]You can always suggest a day of shopping together, and perhaps then she will choose something more appropriate, but at the end of the day, you don't get to tell anybody outside of your WP what to wear. My stepmother wore a long, ivory, sparkly gown, which she married my father in a few months before, to our wedding, and I never said a word. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's what I want to suggest is a day of shopping.  She came when I picked out my wedding dress and seemed to really enjoy lunch with my stepmom and best friend beforehand.  My FMIL and my stepmom seemed to enjoy eachothers company and at that time were discussing what to wear.  That's why I think it would be nice to do it all together as a girls day.  
</div><div>
</div><div>My FI's dad married his new wife only 1 1/2 years ago.  She already told me she plans on wearing the dress she married in, which is a champagne colored lace knee length dress.  I didn't say a thing either.  Whatever she wants.  </div>

AddieCake

It sounds like inviting her shopping would go over really well, then, and that she would have a good time. 

Peledreamsofrain

The shopping day is a good idea.  Be very careful though, because it is not your place in the slightest to dictate what your guests wear. 

 The mothers are not in your wedding party, and your wedding party is the only group of people you get to dress.  If she feels that you are trying to control her in an area you don't really have any business in, she might become resentful/upset.  

At the end of the day, I promise that even if she decides on wearing a clown suit, it will have minimal impact on you.  My MIL wore the world's most hideous sneakers with her dress, and I didn't even notice until  I was going through the photos after the wedding.  And you know what?  I laughed and thought it was adorable.  All a part of our wedding being ours, and unique.  She's a beautiful person, no matter what she's wearing.

NYCMercedes

You sound very sweet, wanting to take your FMIL shopping. What a great idea. I would love a day out with my FDIL. It's up to you to decide, but you might consider just the two of you going. That way she would not be overwhelmed by your SM. Whatever works. I'd suggest a couple of things. Right now the stores have a minimum of dresses as we are between seasons. If you want a summer dress for your September wedding, I'd wait until at least the Easter season to start looking. May would probably be better. Can you and she peruse some online dress sites, such as Macy's, before you shop? That way you and she can find out the styles and prices that are appealing to both of you.

GoofyAssChick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95b7e97f-ca84-43db-8574-7c742d1fd770Post:3c3a927a-f072-4cdb-8149-c020f1a654bd">Re: Mother of Groom Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]The shopping day is a good idea.  Be very careful though, because it is not your place in the slightest to dictate what your guests wear.   The mothers are not in your wedding party, and your wedding party is the only group of people you get to dress.  If she feels that you are trying to control her in an area you don't really have any business in, she might become resentful/upset.   
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>That's exactly what I'm afraid of but my FI thinks she will enjoy it.  She literally hasn't bought any clothes from anywhere besides Goodwill for over ten years.  She usually buys men's clothing from Goodwill too to cover up all of her curves.  She's self conscience of her wide shoulders for some reason.  So I think she would feel more comfortable in a nice pant suit or a dress with a jacket.  We got her a coat and a sweater for Christmas and she seemed petrified to try them on, yet when she did and it fit like a glove her whole face lit up and she saw how pretty she looked.  I think she wants to look really nice, but doesn't know how.

I love my FMIL and I just want her to be happy and comfortable in her own skin.  She constantly puts herself down and sells herself short.  I just hope to make her feel incredibly special.  Not just for the wedding, but in life.  She's wonderful and just doesn't know it.  </div>

GoofyAssChick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95b7e97f-ca84-43db-8574-7c742d1fd770Post:3c77bbb5-9966-4c5d-9af1-c65cebe13cdd">Re: Mother of Groom Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]You sound very sweet, wanting to take your FMIL shopping. What a great idea. I would love a day out with my FDIL. It's up to you to decide, but you might consider just the two of you going. That way she would not be overwhelmed by your SM. Whatever works. I'd suggest a couple of things. Right now the stores have a minimum of dresses as we are between seasons. If you want a summer dress for your September wedding, I'd wait until at least the Easter season to start looking. May would probably be better. Can you and she peruse some online dress sites, such as Macy's, before you shop? That way you and she can find out the styles and prices that are appealing to both of you.
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You may be correct about my stepmom going.  I hadn't thought about her being overwhelmed.  And I might be a chance for us to bond even further.  </div><div>
</div><div>Thats a great idea about waiting until Easter time to go dress shopping.  The wedding isn't until September so there is plenty of time right now.  And maybe I can plan a few other girls days prior to then so that getting together isn't just about shopping.  
</div>

MobKaz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95b7e97f-ca84-43db-8574-7c742d1fd770Post:55f98cc8-0213-4e1d-a690-b043a66896de">Re: Mother of Groom Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother of Groom Attire : You may be correct about my stepmom going.  I hadn't thought about her being overwhelmed.  And I might be a chance for us to bond even further.   Thats a great idea about waiting until Easter time to go dress shopping.  The wedding isn't until September so there is plenty of time right now. <strong><em><u> And maybe I can plan</u></em></strong> <strong><em><u>a few other girls days prior to then so that getting together isn't just about shopping.  </u></em></strong>
Posted by GoofyAssChick[/QUOTE]

<div>This, I feel, will make a huge difference.  </div><div>
</div><div>So many brides worry about what others will wear because of THEIR pictures, THEIR "vision", or THEIR attitude.  Spending time building a relationship with your future MIL will help with her comfort level and confidence, and hopefully diminish her sense of self consciousness.  It will lessen the chance of her fearing there are "ulterior motives" behind your concerns.  </div><div>
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GoofyAssChick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95b7e97f-ca84-43db-8574-7c742d1fd770Post:3f027251-da8b-4a88-a283-5d0f9084197b">Re: Mother of Groom Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother of Groom Attire : This, I feel, will make a huge difference.   So many brides worry about what others will wear because of THEIR pictures, THEIR "vision", or THEIR attitude.  Spending time building a relationship with your future MIL will help with her comfort level and confidence, and hopefully diminish her sense of self consciousness.  It will lessen the chance of her fearing there are "ulterior motives" behind your concerns.  
Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely agree.  Thank you to everyone for your advice.  :-)  </div>

LeenieLane

OP, you are so stinkin sweet! Good luck and I hope it all works out for you. I'm sure she thinks the world of you and this will be fun for the both of you! Maybe help her pick something out for the wedding day as you've planned and encourage her to wear the tie dye skirt/jacket to the rehearsal dinner? Clearly she can't wear it to both events so that may be a win/win for you both! If she likes it, she likes it. I know my taste is pretty horrid sometimes! ;

GoofyAssChick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95b7e97f-ca84-43db-8574-7c742d1fd770Post:40b5ed05-4205-437b-93e0-4a270d77d8d9">Re: Mother of Groom Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - there is nothing wrong with buying clothes from Goodwill. I got my FI a 100% cashmere, made in Italy overcoat from a thrift store for $18. Is price a sore point for her? Perhaps that's why she shops at Goodwill. If she backs away from going to Macy's or JCPenny's or any first hand stores, offer to go with her to a thrift store and you may find something beautiful that she loves and is within a comfortable spending limit for her. You can find amazing deals on beautiful clothes at thrift stores. I get all my $100+ designer jeans from thrift stores for $5 - so don't count them out!
Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]

No it's definitely not that she buys clothes at Goodwill.  I have too and so has my FI.  It's more that she doesn't have the confidence to attempt to be fashionable and what she sees as fashionable is from what she thought was fashionable 15+ years or more ago.  Most of what she wears is too big because she's covering up her curves.  Or it is ill-fitted.  For instance, she bought a really pretty blouse but it had a fitted look in the bodice.  Because at the time she refused to wear a bra the bodice looked like it was up around her chest and her boobs were clearly seen way below that.  That blouse is what caused the talk my FI had with her because it was kind of see through... and in the words of Sweet Brown... Ain't nobody got time for that.  ;-) 

I don't want to change her, I just want to help her look her best and feel better about herself.  She doesn't work and really only leaves the house when we see her or to walk her dog.  If I was able to sit at home everyday I don't know if I would have the self pride to get dressed up after awhile either.  Kind of like how new moms get used to being in sweats all the time.  It's kind of like that, but like 15 years+ of it. 

GoofyAssChick

Its a good idea actually and I appreciate the suggestion. Maybe if we headed closer to Cincinnati we might find something better than what our local Goodwill has available. Where I live its pretty pathetic in the plus size department.

tguyton

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95b7e97f-ca84-43db-8574-7c742d1fd770Post:aeb0c203-a363-4032-aa33-4ff45e4989b2">Re:Mother of Groom Attire</a>:
[QUOTE]Its a good idea actually and I appreciate the suggestion. Maybe if we headed closer to Cincinnati we might find something better than what our local Goodwill has available. Where I live its pretty pathetic in the plus size department.
Posted by GoofyAssChick[/QUOTE]

Ooh, not sure what part of town you're in, but when I lived in Cincinnati the Hyde Park/Oakley Goodwill always had some excellent merchandise, including plus-sized clothing.  I haven't lived in Cincinnati for a few years so I don't know if that's still the case, but it might be worth a peek if you can get up that way.

GoofyAssChick

BINGO!! That's exactly where we should go! That area just has more well dressed people; and people more willing to donate clothes rather than people who hoard themselves to oblivion instead of get rid of what they don't need or want like around where I live. Excellent idea!!! Man, I love The Knot. :