Moms and Maids

im sure im not the only one...

My mum has begun making a list of people she would like me to invite to our wedding. I have told her who i will be inviting. She has asked me 3 times to invite a neighbor that she is still in contact with but i have nothing to do with. I have said no firmly to my mums request to the nieghbour, while conceding to my mums sister and brother and their spouses being invited.

I received an email today asking that since my aunt and uncle have declined the invite (we are getting married in Ireland in Oct 2014) could my mum ask the neighbours? Am i wrong in taking a stand and saying no to her friend? I wasnt going to ask her siblings but i did (only because they are family)

I should probably tell you that neither of my parents are helping pay for the wedding. we are having a small wedding of 50 people, FI immediate family is 20 people alone. while i understand travelling to Ireland is a large cost, should my mum have a say on who is invited and push the issue if i have given her a firm answer of NO?


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Re: im sure im not the only one...

  • You probably know from other TK posts that whoever is paying gets the final say - so you can definitely say no to the neighbors and stick to it. That being said, if this is something that will truly upset your mom and cause some kind of rift, I'm a fan of picking your battles. Perhaps you could allow her to invite them, but only if she pays all costs for them as her guests? Again, it's your call so you not at all out of line to stick with the NO!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_im-sure-im-not-the-only-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:95ea0ccf-c1d3-4133-9d02-c66538f084a6Post:d61a6a55-d2ff-4c66-aa04-0d92134d1adf">im sure im not the only one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mum has begun making a list of people she would like me to invite to our wedding. I have told her who i will be inviting. She has asked me 3 times to invite a neighbor that she is still in contact with but i have nothing to do with. I have said no firmly to my mums request to the nieghbour, while conceding to my mums sister and brother and their spouses being invited. I received an email today asking that since my aunt and uncle have declined the invite (we are getting married in Ireland in Oct 2014) could my mum ask the neighbours? Am i wrong in taking a stand and saying no to her friend? I wasnt going to ask her siblings but i did (only because they are family) I should probably tell you that neither of my parents are helping pay for the wedding. we are having a small wedding of 50 people, FI immediate family is 20 people alone. while i understand travelling to Ireland is a large cost, should my mum have a say on who is invited and push the issue if i have given her a firm answer of NO?
    Posted by leahjwatts[/QUOTE]

    She shouldn't but why are you so adamant that they not be invited?  It is true that since she is not paying she has no say in the guest list but sometimes you do things to keep the peace.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_im-sure-im-not-the-only-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95ea0ccf-c1d3-4133-9d02-c66538f084a6Post:d6362f79-e7bb-468f-bec3-f70f27b97e9e">Re: im sure im not the only one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to im sure im not the only one... : She shouldn't but why are you so adamant that they not be invited?  It is true that since she is not paying she has no say in the guest list but sometimes you do things to keep the peace.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. If she keeps pushing, she must really want this person to be able to come. Is it too much to ask to give her this one person?</div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I understand what you are all saying. I think i am adamant for 2 reasons. 1) I said no, advised that i wanted family only. I felt that if the neighbour is allowed, it will open it up to 'well, so and so was invited, invite this person too...' i thought by keeping it family only, it would end the issue. 2) i have invited my aunt and uncle and their spouses (at my mothers request) because they are family. I havent seen either in 15 years or so but invited them as they are my mum siblings.

    In addition to the neighbour, i have just been asked to invite my stepdads mum. im afraid it will then become invite my stepdads sisters as my mum aand they are close. I need to find a line to draw.

    I did think of telling her she would need pay for them but im not sure about that...


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2013
    Are you obligated to invite them? No, because you're paying for your own wedding and have the final say on the guest list.

    But gosh, this is your mum. She is spending a lot of money to travel to your wedding. Is she traveling with a husband or significant other? If not, she may feel more comfortable if she has her good friends as companions. I think you should consider it.

    It's up to you, of course. If you decide to invite the neighbors, let mum know that the guest list is final and no more alterations will be made.

                       
  • Am I the only one who wants to know why people are getting invitations for an October 2014 wedding? 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_im-sure-im-not-the-only-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:95ea0ccf-c1d3-4133-9d02-c66538f084a6Post:2ea19da6-2bc1-40df-85c4-f6504c678e7e">Re: im sure im not the only one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I the only one who wants to know why people are getting invitations for an October 2014 wedding? 
    Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is where I am. Even save-the-dates shouldn't be going out until 2014 and then they're not really necessary until April.</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, people telling you NOW that they can't come means absolutely nothing. They could well change their minds in the over 18 months remaining til the wedding. Unless the reason is that they will never ever in a million years get on a plane, you can't count them out.</div>
    image
  • The reason I am letting my Canadian friends and family know if the date now is do they can plan and save accordingly if they choose to come to Ireland. I am well aware that someone saying no now doesn't mean that they won't change their mind later. The couple who have say no atm have not been discarded. I haven't given their seat away, so to speak. Nothing more than letting our guests know the date was what I was doing. I hadn't asked for a reply. Apologies if knotties believe I have given notice too soon. I know my friends and family though and some are not in the financial position to buy a ticket at 6 months notice.


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