Moms and Maids

Is a maid of honor necessary if there is a best man?

I have a weird situation...

My best friend has been a maid of honor in 4 weddings in the past 5 years. While we were roommates, I heard the horror stories about the coordination, time, money (you know, things you bitch about to your best friend!). Now that it's my turn to tie the knot, there is no one else I really would want to stand up for me as my maid of honor except I feel now like she may think of it as another burden or a part-time job!

I don't want her to feel slighted by NOT asking her, because she really is my first choice, but, as much as I want to believe my wedding planning will be awesome and easy, I don't feel good about asking her to take on the respobsilbility yet again.

My plan was to just not have a maid of honor and just 5 bridesmaids, but since my fiance is having a best man, I am afraid it will appear off.

Does anyone have advice? Will it seem funny to not have a maid of honor but 5 bridesmaids? Or should I just let her know how I feel and ask anyway!?

Yikes! Thanks!

Re: Is a maid of honor necessary if there is a best man?

  • petebergshpetebergsh member
    edited March 2012
    I would ask her to be your MOH but tell her that you don't expect anything from her. Since she is your best friend maybe you could explain exactly what you said here to her. Tell her you want her to stand up as your MOH but nothing more.

    I am in a situation where I have no sisters, FI has no sisters, and I have three best friends. I'm not sure I'm having a MOH, or my entire bridal party will be MOH's, lol.
    The Skinny Architect:
  • its funny you said that because i considered that too! my other bridesmaids live out of state so i was just thinking of having them all be honorary maids of honor! thank you for your thoughts, they are appreciated!
  • There is nothing that the MOH has to do except for buy a dress and stand next to you during the ceremony- and hold your flowers and maybe fix your train. Don't expect anything else from her. Explain that to her when you ask.

    Also, I reaaalllly don't like the use of honorary maids or MOHs. Why would you use the term honorary if they are all alive? Just ask them to be BMs if that's what you want.

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • SKPMSKPM member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    I'm having 4 BMs and no MOH. FI has a Best Man + 3 GMs. I couldn't choose between my two sisters and one best friend and one very close friend. I figure they can all split the "traditional" MOH stuff if they really care (one can hold FI's ring, one can hold my bouquet, one can sign the marriage license, and one can make a toast). Otherwise, I'm just treating them all the same.

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
  • owengirl996owengirl996 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited March 2012
    As others have said, just let her know you expect NOTHING from her, other than to be there in an agreed upon dress. Now, if she's like me, she's going to want to do things for you anyway, but this will at least take the pressure off.

    As for everyone being a MOH...I don't know, I don't really believe in that. I wouldn't feel special being one of five MOHs. The point of choosing BMs in the first place is because they are all important to you. It's not required to have a MOH. You could even just ask her to be a BM and not "technically" have a MOH. Just put her in line next to you, and I'm sure she'd be willing to hold your bouquet and maybe sign your marriage license (although anyone over 18 could actually do this).

    Either way, I would ask her to be part of your bridal party regardless. If she declines, that is her choice, but I'm doubting she will! Oh, and it's not required to have even sides either. It may be ideal to you, but you can always have the guys already standing up there and have the girls walk in by themselves...I've done it both ways and either can be nice!
  • When you ask her, stress that you don't expect her to do x, y, and z. Also, make sure the dresses you pick out are within her budget.
  • Don't have a maid of honor. You don't need one. We're not having a wedding party at all.
  • thanks so much for all your input! we are just starting this planning and i dont want to start on a stressed out note! i think i will end up asking her but stressing that i really dont expect her to be responsible for things like the bridal shower or bachelorette party, because i really dont want her to be! i really do just want her to be up there with me and i think its something she will be happy with too.
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