This is long so please bare with me. My fiance and I lived together for a year but now he moved back home two hours away so he can save up money for our life together. I'm graduating college in 9 months and he just got an amazing job with great salary and benefits and is doing the smart thing by living with his parents at first to save up extra cash. We're amazing but the problem is his mother. He always complained that she was a mean, irrational, vindictive person but she always seemed so sweet and charming that I thought he was just acting like a 12 year old about her and dismissed it. Recently, she told my FH that I am no longer allowed in her home. Her reasoning was because we've had sex. She's upset because her 24 year old son has had sex and I am no longer allowed in her house because she would be allowing "sin" to enter. Everytime sexual things came up in movies or anything before even when we were waiting (and that was about 3 or 4 months), she would give him a cold look and say, "it's your conscience." First off, she is always unbelievably condescending like that and he just ignored it because he's been condescended to by her all his life. She also is trying to keep him as involved in her life as she can. She even forced herself into going to one of his urologist appointments. He had a build up of adrenaline when we first started dating and the doctor told him to get me to have sex with him (or equivilant of) 3-4 times a week to help get over his problem. She gave an icy stare and said, "it's your conscience." I am not one to have sex right away so he had to help himself out but it's not fair for her to judge me before she even knew me.
The other reason was because I stayed "too long" during my last visit. I drove him 2 hours to his house while his car was broken down on my birthday while I had the stomach flu. I stayed a couple of nights because she told me to and I was still pretty sick and I constantly apologized to her and asked if it was okay and she always smiled warmly and said "as long as you need". Now she told my FH that I could stay a couple hours, but I was not welcome past that. I would have been more than fine on the couch but she exiled me completely. I wouldn't have minded but she never gave us any signs that it bothered her before.
Recently, I started noticing other things as well. She came into my parent's home and called my mom materialistic because "my mom was comfortable living with an extragant lifetstyle and my FMIL would just be comfortable being with people that love her". My mom is one of the kindest people I know and all her friends are interior decorators so they're not rich, but they know how to make things look nice. Also, my last visit, my FMIL admitted she didn't care about her husband's nor my FH's happiness as long as she is happy. I can't bring myself to tell my FH that and I don't think it would do any good. She will ask something politely and scream and become extremely nasty if the answer isn't perfect. Then she'll be cold and give you the silent treatment. She'll say all these things sweetly and the words mixed with the calm, cheery voice is starting to scare me. My FH warned me she wasn't mentally healthy but I don't know what to do. I am so angry she banned the "sin" from her house and even angrier she discriminates my family for liking to make their house look nice. She tells everyone she loves me and then she tells me I'm no longer welcome in her home? My FH is angry and can't wait to leave, but I don't know what will happen when we get married in August of 2013. I don't want him to stop seeing them at all (my FFIL is sweet but their marriage is bad and he is done fighting) because I know how important family is but she's pushing us away. Even though I no longer like her or even want to be around her, I will without a doubt for him but what else can I do?