Moms and Maids

Calling all moms out there

My mom just called me and asked me when i was buying her gift for the wedding and then told me what she wanted. Also telling me to buy a gift for my MIL.

I had already planned on getting them a gift. I dont have one picked out yet, but i felt that was really rude. I kind of felt like she was underminder me. I have no problem with her telling me what she would like but maybe not in list form. 

Am i just being overly sensitive? 

Re: Calling all moms out there

  • cauliecaulie member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I feel the same way about this as I do about brides asking for gifts themselves. You do not ask for gifts, or make assumptions about them at all! Doesn't matter who it is - of course you were going to get her a gift, but pre-empting you like that and telling you what she wants is very presumptuous. What if you had been making something, or organising something really special? Would she then be disappointed if you didn't give her what she asked you? Not okay, IMO. 

    I would have just said "I appreciate you letting me know what you want as a gift, but it would have been polite to wait until I'd asked you first. But if I hadn't asked you at all, I would hope that you would still appreciate whatever gift I chose to give you! And with regard to my MIL - please, give me a little credit." Not sure what your relationship with your mom is like, but I tell my mum like it is.

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    That was extremely rude of her.  That would be like you calling her a few months before Christmas and telling her that you want XYZ and that you would like her to buy it for you ASAP.

    It is nice that you are buying them gifts but just know that this is a nice gesture on your part and is in no way required.  My H and I did not buy our parents anything, but we made sure that we thanked them both many times for all of their help and support.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm an MOB. I certainly do not expect a gift from my daughter, other than seeing her happy on her wedding day.

    I'm with you Shayy. For one thing, it's never polite to expect a gift for any reason. And the gift giver should be able to choose something appropriate to her budget and sentiments. If you needed ideas, you would have asked her, right?

    If the suggestion she made is in your budget, though, you could just buy it for her and save yourself the trouble of shopping around for ideas.


                       
  • edited December 2011
    That's crazy that she said that.  I was talking to my mom months ago and it somehow came up that FI and I are planning on getting gifts for our parents.  She looked at me like I was crazy and stated that she really did not want anything.  I know my mom, and this is true.  FI and I are each writing our parents notes thanking them for everything they have done.  We also plan on getting both sets of parents a nice double picture frame with their wedding picture on one side and ours will go on the other.
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  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't want a gift from either of my children. I wanted them to spend money themselves - their honeymoon, their homes, whatever but not on me.
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, lame of her to do that. So, what did she ask for? Is it expensive? I think you should go on shopping as if she never made a specific request, but I'm curious. And nosey ;)
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  • djoann958djoann958 member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am a recent MOB and I can't believe your mom told you what she wanted for a gift. I did not ask my daughter for a gift nor did I expect one. She and her husband bought me a lovely picture frame their wedding picture. It was a surprise. I did not expect one at all. The day was about the 2 of them. Not getting me a present. I accepted it graciously! I love it!
  • Shayyy01Shayyy01 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_calling-moms-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:97628837-c06c-49d2-ac9a-95f448d1cfaaPost:274c138e-4c6e-43ee-bc3e-dd74debfbd2f">Re: Calling all moms out there</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's crazy that she said that.  I was talking to my mom months ago and it somehow came up that FI and I are planning on getting gifts for our parents.  She looked at me like I was crazy and stated that she really did not want anything.  I know my mom, and this is true.  FI and I are each writing our parents notes thanking them for everything they have done.  We also plan on getting both sets of parents a nice double picture frame with their wedding picture on one side and ours will go on the other.
    Posted by Allycat11[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Love this idea! </div><div>
    </div><div>Thank you guys for the advice and now i'm know i'm not overly sensitive either =)</div><div>My Mom said she wanted a bag with essentials for the wedding in it and that i should get her and mil the same bags i was getting my bridesmaids.. (which i didnt even get those yet?) I wil probably end up getting her the same bag because well she asked for it. I did want to do something else for them as well, but my wedding isnt until next Aug, i havent thought that far in advance =) </div><div>My Mom is awesome but sometimes she doesnt realize what she is actually saying. </div>
  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    JMO but your mom sounds pretty rude
  • bogdanbogdan member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad you recognize this as rude behavior, because you'll never do such a thing to a future dd or dil! Is this really out of character for your mom? Is the strugging with any large issues ( besides you getting married?) Who knows, maybe she's been on The Knot WAY too much:)! Just kidding! I hope you can rise above this and just love on her anyway, she may need it.
  • edited December 2011

    your mom is definitely being rude and pushy. Maybe you shoud suggest that she just buy it herself and wrap it too LOL, then she might get the point!

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