Moms and Maids

Advice Please!

My FSIL has been really bringing me down lately. Some backround info: She recently got married in august and I was her MOH. She is also one of my bridesmaids. Today, she came over my apartment to visit her brother while I was at class.  He decided to show her the wedding bands. She started making fun of my wedding band saying that it won't look good with my engagement ring and that the diamonds would be too much. She continued on about how she only spent three hundred dollars on her ring and would never spent as much as i did. He let that go because he just did not want to fight with her. After a little while he asked her if she wanted to see more of our engagement photos, so he longed on to the website to show her. She began criticizing all of our photos saying how terrible our photographer was and how we did not look good at all. She said that she didnt like the pic we had posted on facebook either. At this point my fiance had enough. So he asked her to stop making fun of them and that she was hurting his feelings. She said that she did not understand why his feelings would be hurt, because she was a professional photographer and just giving her opinion. She takes photos in a retail store with a camera that does everything for her and has never learned about taking photos professionally. He asked her to leave becuase she just stood by what she was saying and would not apologize. This is not the first time she has acted like this. Previously, she has made comments like, "i would never spend as much money on a wedding as you guys or have a wedding this big." she had an intimate wedding of like 20 ppl. Which is fine and i never knocked her for any of her choices. When we went shopping for bridesmaids dresses she did not like anything any of the bridesmaids dresses and i eventually had to give up trying to make her happy and settle for one she didnt absolutely hate. I just dont know how to handle this situation...i hate confrontation. Im not saying Im perfect, but not once did I say anything negative about what she was doing for her wedding, becuase it was her wedding and my job to support her. Thanks for reading!

Re: Advice Please!

  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would just ignore her and stop sharing your plans with her. She planned her wedding the way she wanted and you can plan yours likewise, but she doesn't have to like your ideas or lie to you and tell you she does when she doesn't. She has a right to her opinion and a lot of people do think spending money on weddings is silly, but just don't pay any attention to it. 

    Or you could say something polite like, "Well, I get where you're coming from on that, but ______is very important to FI and I." You really don't have to justify yourself at all, but maybe if you say something, she'll start keeping her opinions to herself. She may also get the hint if you don't ever react to her comments and if you just stop talking weddings with her. If she brings something WR up, say whatever is necessary and then change the subject. 

    As for the BM dresses,  the easiest thing you can do is pick a store like AA or DB, choose a color and length (maybe a fabric, I did not), and let them choose a dress style on their own within your few parameters. This is what I did and it has been such a relief. It's hard to find one dress that flatters a range of body types. 
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  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    She sounds like a real prize.  Kudos to your FI for calling her out on it.  I would start cutting her out of the wedding planning.  She can wear the dress you've chosen, and show up for the wedding.  Everything else she doesn't need to know.  
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  • slpankuchslpankuch member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Geesh she sounds like a royal b**ch. Like everyone else said. Cut her out of everything but the wedding day. You do need to inform your FI that she can't act like this on your wedding day so he needs to be your voice to tell her this. Don't start getting in a pissing match with her..she will only annoy you more.
    Sounds like a jealousy thing to me.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she is jealous. Do what the pps have said. Stop sharing your ideas with her.
                       
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Stop talking with her about wedding things.  It sounds like she is a bit jealous of your wedding plans because she didn't get to have the same experience.  I would just let everything she says slide right off your shoulders and move on.

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:980aaada-677c-4226-8c74-e625b6abf883Post:5ddd6c3b-a347-4086-8763-0820aa5cda75">Re: Advice Please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sounds like she is jealous. Do what the pps have said. Stop sharing your ideas with her.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]


    Yep, sounds like because she recently got married with a smaller affair, she might be a bit envious of your larger-scale wedding. Or perhaps it's been hard for her to let the attention of being a bride go.

    If you have to talk to her about certain things and she acts like this I'd just play it off casually with a compliment to her, but remaining firm about your choices and tastes, like "oh yes, your ring is very elegant. You know me, and how much I love sparkle though, so mine was bound to be different. Wouldn't it be silly if we had the same style wedding band anyway?" or "Lucky you that you look good in so many dress styles! That makes it so easy, since I love this one, and you look lovely in it."
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  • jmconley08jmconley08 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd slap that biotchh. so rude.
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