Mom wants to read

Elinetrouwt

I have told my mom that she can certainly have her say in our wedding. It is a very important event for our parents too, and I want them to be happy.  So far, they have asked for very little. 

We are having a fairly non-traditional ceremony, that we are putting together ourselves. We were planning to ask our sisters (my sister and FI's 2 sisters) to do a reading each.

But now she asked if she could do a reading too. Specifically, she wants to do a scripture reading from Paul. We are having a secular wedding, and I was not counting on having biblical readings in our ceremony. I think the readings should really reflect us as a couple, and while the thing she picked is okay, it is not 'us'. Plus, I think three readings are more than enough and I would feel weird about my mom playing this role.

I told her that I would discuss this with FI, but I don't know what to do. I'd like to say no, but if this means a lot to her, why shouldn't I make her happy? Moms, what do you think? 

em01092

I'm not a mom, but I'm on the fence. It's your wedding, so I can understand that her reading a Biblical passage would sort of not be "you" but at the same time, if this is one of the few or only thing(s) she has asked to do, then I'm sort of tempted to tell you to let her. 

What does the passage say? If you are totally against it, then just say, "Mom, I really appreciate that you took the time to find something to read at our wedding, but FI and I would prefer if we kept the readings secular and we already have 3 readers. Would you like to say a blessing (of the meal) at the reception?" 

Simply Fated

I think it's fine to put your foot down against religious readings. Maybe you can compromise and have her do a non-religious reading?

MairePoppy

I'm on the fence with this one, too. But I'm slightly leaning toward accomodating your mom, even if it means you'll end up with 4 readings.

Tell mom that you are having a secular ceremony and ask her if she still wants to do a reading. You and fi should pick something for her to read that fits with your own beliefs. I'm wondering though, if your mom's intention is to add a religious element to your ceremony, in which case she might decline.

Meghannsix

We are planning on a secular ceremony as well, FI will be the first of his siblings to not be married in a church.  His parents haven't said anything about it, but we plan on asking his dad to read the biblical passage of his choice.  Not being religious, I don't care which one, but we want the ceremony to be special for the whole family.  I think I can tolerate it!

Elinetrouwt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-to-read?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9882b727-5782-40ee-ad80-65dd1870af81Post:3979523d-c1da-4ddc-accd-35123fc121d8">Re: Mom wants to read</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm wondering though, if your mom's intention is to add a religious element to your ceremony, in which case she might decline.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't know. My mom has a bit of a strange relationship with religion. She was raised Catholic, left the church when she was 18, and raised me without religion. But when my younger sister decided to convert to Catholicism, she was of course very supportive, and lately she often goes to church with her.</div><div>
</div><div>The reading is indeed not very heavy and is good for a secular wedding, I think she doesn't want to bring in religion, it is just that the Bible is her first point of reference for spiritual readings, with good reason. I guess it is not the biblical issue that I have a problem with, it's just that... I don't know.</div>

Elinetrouwt

But thank you all for your advice. I discussed this with FI yesterday, who feels weird about it, but I see most of you tend to accomodating her. We will definitely consider this.

japmater

Well, I'm a mom, MOG. My son has very strong feelings about religion and wants no trace of it in his ceremony. He even got upset when I referred to the arch that will be where the officiant (a JP) stands as an altar. The bride's parents and his father are not happy about this at all, but I support my son. Even if his beliefs (or lack thereof) are different from mine, I respect his right to have the ceremony he and his fiancee want. She's with him.

As someone else said, if this is an attempt to interject religion into your secular ceremony don't cave on that issue. If you're okay with the reading and you're more concerned about the time 4 readings will take, let her do it. She'll love you for it and it's a very short passage. Maybe spread the readings out throughout the ceremony so it's not just one right after the other.

Hilraythebride

What kind of readings are the other girls doing?  If you are really uncomfortable with it could you find something else for her to read?

bettker88

Hmm tough call. I would say you should allow her to read, as that would be important to the both of you, however, I would suggest maybe you giving her a couple of non-biblical options to read. And ask her to choose from the those. Compromise! I am trying to battle with my own mother about centerpieces.