Sister from heck

TheLordsCanary

So I have six sisters, and I would love them all to stand up for me...except one. We are on civil terms at BEST. She is immature and a pain to be around in general, and she has a bad history with me and my fiance both. I do not like her, and I do not want her in my wedding.

That said, she is still my sister, and I do still want the rest of my sisters to stand up. I know it would be a relationship-ending move to exclude her. Personally, I don't care that much; however, I am pretty sure it would break my parents' hearts to see a falling out of that magnitude between two of their kids. I am pretty sure that no matter how much I want to exclude her from my side of the wedding party no one in my family will see that from my POV and will just hate me if I do it. So...long story short, I feel like I have to include her.

However, there is the possibility that I just have none of my sisters in my WP at all and just have my 2 closest friends (I will be having them anyway, with or without my sisters). This is just so confusing, and on top of that I am having so much trouble choosing a MOH. I know which sister I want, but it doesn't follow the "oldest sibling" tradition, so I'm afraid it will offend my oldest sister. And then again, there's the possibility of just choosing my closest friend so I don't offend any sisters.

What should I do? I haven't asked anyone yet, since my wedding is still a ways away, but I need to start thinking about dress shopping soon.

StephJean83

I understand where you are coming from, with one exception, the relationship with my oldest sister has already been ended. My FH doesn't understand how I can have a sister, or my parents have a daughter, that we never speak to or would want to share in his and my special day. Though my FH and I grew up together, my oldest sister wasn't around when our families went camping together, so he doesn't know her. If you are ok with the relationship being broken(and I'm sure if your parents have seen how strained your relationship already is, they will understand) than don't ask her. Unfortunately, just because you share DNA, a relationship isn't guarenteed. When you go ask your WP, ask those who are your nearest and dearest and who in 50 yrs, you wouldn't regret asking to be in your WP. If you feel that you need to include her somehow, ask her to say a reading or be an usher, but as family, she will be in pictures.

As far as asking to be MOH, I suggest asking the person you would call at 3 am when you need to hide a body or get bailed out that isn't your FH. I was at a wedding recently and the bride is one of three sisters and the last sister to get married. They all took turns being MOH for the others(Sister A asked Sister C, Sister C asked Sister B and Sister B asked Sister A) but with you having 1 of 5 to pick from, ask the one you are closest to if you want one of your sisters. Good luck and happy planning

heroeswearbrown

I can't say much for the whole sisters thing, for two reasons, one, I'm not in the same situation as you, and two, I'm the kind of person who tries not to make too many waves, so despite not liking someone or knowing someone doesn't like me, I still try to make the best decision for all invovled.

But as far as the picking a MOH, I agree with PP, pick the one you would call if you were in big trouble. I chose my oldest sister because next to my FI, she's probably my best friend. I was hesistant to do so until my middle sister told me that she would not be offended if I did that. Most of the time, there is one sibling you, your siblings, and your parents know you get along with better than the rest, so it just becomes a situation of making sure that everyone knows that it's not that your love her more, it's just that your relationship is tighter with sally than with sue, sarah, sophie, and sasha. And your siblings should recognize and understand that.

Hope this helps.

MairePoppy

Leaving one out of six sisters out of your wedding party will be viewed as a very public slight. Although it is your right to decide who you want on your side, will the fall out be worth it to you? Since you have such an awful relationship, it's possible that she might decline if you ask her to be a bm. But if she accepts, give her the information to order her dress and the time she needs to show up for the wedding. You don't have to involve her in anything else.

Choose whichever sister you want as your MOH.

TheLordsCanary

Thanks for all the great advice! I think I will ask her when the time comes, hope she declines, and if she says yes I just won't involve her in much of anything else.

Thanks again! I feel much better about the whole thing now

CamiB30

This is almost the exact situation I'm in...it's not an easy decision, so I can understand your frustration.

A friend of mine gave me some great advice when I vented to her. She told me that on your wedding day, you should surround yourself with people who love you, support you and share the excitement with you. Ultimately, it's YOUR day; those who you choose to surround yourself with should not take anything away from what your wedding is supposed to be, they should add to it.

Good luckwith everything

mcda04

So I thought I was the only one with sister issues. Haha. I have 3 sisters and only a relationship with one of them. The other two are excluded, I tried to get along with them after I got engaged to make my mom happy but it made me VERY unhappy. I didn’t include them in my WP and I’m so glad I didn’t. I just have three girls on my side which are FSIL and little sister. Don’t do it for your mom, if she knows your relationship is bad, she’ll understand. Believe me, it’s a major downer and awkward to be around negativity during the happy wedding planning stage.

SB1512

I think if you decide you want the sisters you get along with to be there, it's probably best to include the one you don't get along with, because it sounds like a lot of family drama might ensue if she's excluded.  If she accepts, I would just be prepared for her to maybe not involve herself too much.  she might only want to buy the dress and show up, not participate in any prewedding parties, so just be prepared for that and don't get too upset if she chooses to be rather uninvolved other than on the wedding day.

MegGreg2012

I hate to say it, but I think you should include her. She's your sister, and no matter what happens in the future, you'll have to deal with her. You'll be surrounded by people you love, and if you have to have one person who is related to you, but not so much involved in your life, I woudl just do it to keep the peace. Good luck!

MegGreg2012

I hate to say it, but I think you should include her. She's your sister, and no matter what happens in the future, you'll have to deal with her. You'll be surrounded by people you love, and if you have to have one person who is related to you, but not so much involved in your life, I woudl just do it to keep the peace. Good luck!

HeatherF2525

I know now how hard this decision is. I am also dealing with my sister ( I have her as my matron of honor) because I know if I dont all hell will break loose. She is younger and got married a couple of years ago but she does nothing but crticize and put down my choices, if anything she has made us further apart because I don't want to share any idea's with her anymore. At that I did ask my best friend to be my maid of honor and she has made this experience so much better...I have 8 bridesmaids. so there are lots of opinions. But hang in there and truly do what your heart tells you. Remember it is one of the biggest days of your life and YOU need to be happy!

mrslawton

You have 5 other sisters to keep the ONE out of your way and civil. Include her.  I only have one sister that drives me crazy (its her stupid boyfriend's fault, and she is too dependant on others....we're polar opposites but she doesnt know it.)  But I figured, someday if that bf isnt around anymore, we may have a shot of having that sisterly connection I've only read about or seen in movies.  So I am including her, since she is my ONLY sister. 

I dont think you'd offend your oldest sis if you asked a different sis to be your MOH.

LjPink

I don't think you should include her! I have the same problem with my sister I can't stand her, she's always been a horrible person/sister/mother etc. The only reason my family tries to keep things together is because she has 3 amazing kids (even though she completely takes them for granted) She has destroyed my family so many times with her psycho ways. For once I'm putting my foot down to her! I asked her a while ago to be my MOH only because I have my nieces and nephew in the wedding and I know if she's not in it they wont be able to come. Lately though things have gotten really bad with her. She left her boyfriend moved home told us how mean he is to her and the kids my mom for like the hundreth time told her she can come home and did everything for her. Well her breakup didn't last long and now she's back with him and blames everything on my mom. She's constantly screaming at her yet my mother bends over backwards for her...well not really her she does it for her grandkids sake. Honestly I can't let someone like her get everything while she treats my family like dirt so I'm putting my foot down kicking her out of my wedding party and possibly asking my mother to be my MOH.