Fiancé's Mother's Outfit...

tanyafehr07

So, I'm in a little bit of a predicament. my fiance wants to me help his mom find a dress for the wedding. The only thing is, she is quite overweight. I know we'll have difficulty finding something that fits and looks good. I have a decent relationship with her. We get along just fine, but we're not very close. Any suggestions or tips on how to handle the situation? I'm okay with helping her find a dress, but I want to be careful not to offend her and to be encouraging.

bunni727

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiancs-mothers-outfit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:996d2e57-c827-4912-b0f5-e90568a66f34Post:9df0f34b-69d9-4b16-a881-b37b95357a22">Fiancé's Mother's Outfit...</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I'm in a little bit of a predicament. my fiance wants to me help his mom find a dress for the wedding. The only thing is, she is quite overweight. I know we'll have difficulty finding something that fits and looks good. I have a decent relationship with her. We get along just fine, but we're not very close. Any suggestions or tips on how to handle the situation? I'm okay with helping her find a dress, but I want to be careful not to offend her and to be encouraging.
Posted by tanyafehr07[/QUOTE]

Does she actually want help, or is this FI's idea entirely? Given that you aren't very close, she may be more comfortable picking things out on her own, or want to wear something she already owns. I also hope you two haven't mentioned her weight as a situation or problem to her, I can't imagine how hurtful that would be.

If she does want to go shopping together, do not under any circumstances mention the difficulty you will have finding something that fits or looks good.  When you go, go to stores that carry a variety of styles and sizes. You point out things you like, she points out things she likes, she tries some stuff on, and she buys what she feels best in.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiancs-mothers-outfit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:996d2e57-c827-4912-b0f5-e90568a66f34Post:9df0f34b-69d9-4b16-a881-b37b95357a22">Fiancé's Mother's Outfit...</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I'm in a little bit of a predicament. my fiance wants to me help his mom find a dress for the wedding. The only thing is, she is quite overweight. I know we'll have difficulty finding something that fits and looks good. I have a decent relationship with her. We get along just fine, but we're not very close. Any suggestions or tips on how to handle the situation? I'm okay with helping her find a dress, but I want to be careful not to offend her and to be encouraging.
Posted by tanyafehr07[/QUOTE]

Does she want your help finding a dress?  I would actually follow her lead, not your FI asking you to take her shopping.  Maybe call her and say "FI wanted us to go shopping together for your gown for the wedding.  What did you think?  Maybe we could make an afternoon of it and get some lunch too."  Also don't dictate colors or anything like that.  Just  tell her you want her to get something that she feels beautiful in.

David's Bridal and Lane Bryant both carry plus size gowns.  Another thing is to ask her where she normally shops and start there.

Peledreamsofrain

Tread very VERY carefully here.  Clarify with your FI if his mother is asking for help, or if he came up with this on his own.  If your help has not been asked for, this could turn frightfully embarrassing for the FMIL seriously quickly.

If it turns out that she has actually asked for help, then offer to go out on a girl's dress trip with her.  Do not take the lead during the trip unless she seems completely unable to make a decision on her own.  Be very careful to support whatever she likes.  Treat her the same way you would treat a friend whose fashion opinion you respect on a shopping trip. 

heroeswearbrown

Ditto what Retread said.

Also, I'm not sure what her being over weight has to do with anything...

I understand the plus size women sometimes have body image issues, but I think as long as you stay away from outright saying that something looks bad on her, you'll be fine. Take her lead on things. Ask her what she thinks before offering an opinion on anything.

DO NOT say
"I just don't think it's very flattering."
"Are you sure it fits okay?"
"I wonder if they have a bigger size."

Don't say anything to her that you wouldn't say to your own mother or grandmother.

ranzzo

Just an FYI, Catherine's online has a special occasion collection for plus sizes that is nice.  Although the special occassion dresses are online only, you can have it shipped to the store for free.  You can return it in store as well.  If there is not a Catherine's in your area, it can still be shipped to Lane Bryant as well (though I don't not believe it can be returned there).  They also have a size chart that is pretty true to size. 

sleepyb

OP I helped my mom find her dress when she was MOG. My mom hates actually going to the stores to try things on. So, I went to Dillard's and Macy's and picked 6 dresses in her size. I brought them to her where she could try them on with different undergarments and accessories and find one she felt pretty in. Now, that worked cause I have a close relationship with my mom. 2 points Dillard's and Macy's have good options for plus size ladies. And, consider advising her to pick a few to take home where she may be more comfortable trying them on.