XP - Bridesmaid Gift Enough?

mdupon70997

I am giving each of my bridesmaids $20 towards their shoes (silver heel of their choosing), and I am paying for their hair on the day-of. I'm not requiring them to have their hair done, but if they want to I will pay for it. And they all want to have their hair doe. Is this enough? Why do I feel like I need to give them something more? Should I?

libby2483

You feel like you need to give them something more because none of these things are gifts.  They are all things for your wedding.  It is very generous for you to help BMs with hair and shoes, but you should get them each a gift that is not something for your wedding.  It doesn't have to be anything fancy, and you don't have to get each girl the same thing.

AddieCake

If they were not in your wedding, what would you give them as a gift for Christmas or their birthday? THAT's what you give them.

misssunshine17

What you have planned are not gifts. Shop for them like it's their birthday. 

bmedlin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-bridesmaid-gift-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1600d1e-6f97-4c30-af7d-766250722d94Post:50ceab25-172c-49ff-8266-25637933a03d">XP - Bridesmaid Gift Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am giving each of my bridesmaids $20 towards their shoes (silver heel of their choosing), and I am paying for their hair on the day-of. I'm not requiring them to have their hair done, but if they want to I will pay for it. And they all want to have their hair doe. Is this enough? Why do I feel like I need to give them something more? Should I?
Posted by mdupon70997[/QUOTE]



If you're short on cash (or they are), you could ask them which they prefer. Some Maids might have $20 for shoes vs. a gift.

bmedlin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-bridesmaid-gift-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1600d1e-6f97-4c30-af7d-766250722d94Post:0c28a12e-5bb0-4311-97ce-13fc1248dc1b">Re: XP - Bridesmaid Gift Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Bmedlin, a bride who is demanding special shoes should pay for them. Nobody looks at a bridesmaid's feet.  Anything over and above a dress is micromanaging. Buying shoes that will be worn for someone else's wedding is not a gift for them.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]



Sounds like she just said silver heel of their choosing, that's not really that specific. If the dresses are short, then shoes aren't unreasonable to ask for. This seems to be a difference of opinion.

Just ask the maids what they would prefer! :)

bmedlin

Silver heels aren't demanding. And if the dresses are short, shoes are not out of the question IMO. But if money is an issue, just say that none of them need to get their hair done, natural is just fine with you, and use that money for their gifts

mdupon70997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-bridesmaid-gift-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1600d1e-6f97-4c30-af7d-766250722d94Post:0c28a12e-5bb0-4311-97ce-13fc1248dc1b">Re: XP - Bridesmaid Gift Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Bmedlin, a bride who is demanding special shoes should pay for them. Nobody looks at a bridesmaid's feet.  Anything over and above a dress is micromanaging. Buying shoes that will be worn for someone else's wedding is not a gift for them.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>#1 I'm not <em>demanding</em> shoes. I asked their opinion on them and they agreed that it would look nicer if they all wore the same color shoes. Some already have silver shoes, so they are wearing those. But I decided that if I gave to one, I'd have to give $20 to everyone.</div><div>#2 Also people do look at bridesmaids' feet. Because I certainly do, and so do other people.</div><div>#3 Neither myself or anyone else in my bridal party think's I'm micromanaging. I ask my WP's opinions on their attire and on things that they'll be involved in because I want everyone to be happy with their attire</div>

mdupon70997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-bridesmaid-gift-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1600d1e-6f97-4c30-af7d-766250722d94Post:be934a19-80d1-4e33-8f70-0ebb5f1cfd7b">Re: XP - Bridesmaid Gift Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are still not getting it.  A bride who wants special shoes should pay for them.  This should NOT be considered their "gift." Nothing that will be used in the wedding should be their "gift." Doesn't matter if the dresses are short. Nobody will be looking at their feet. 
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Ok, no one's arguing about the gift thing. They're arguing that it isn't unreasonable to ask for a certian color shoes. And the dresses are short. So, yes, people will be seeing their feet. And they all agreed that they wanted the same color shoe.</div>

mdupon70997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-bridesmaid-gift-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1600d1e-6f97-4c30-af7d-766250722d94Post:b79d02c7-bd84-4617-a91c-736bce072289">Re: XP - Bridesmaid Gift Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Think of the last ten weddings you attended.  What shoes were each of the maids wearing in each wedding? Do you remember? Will your guests? Will Great-Aunt Edna REALLY grab Jill, your Maid of Honor, and drag her over to Susie, your bridesmaid, and scream, "OH MY GOD! Their shoes don't match!"? If they want to know what shoe to wear, pick a color, and tell them to go find a pair.  Gold or silver are usually a good choice....most women already have a gold or silver shoe.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>The original question wasn't about whether or not to wear matching shoes. If you read  the post, you will see that the shoes situation is already taken care of. I don't see why you think it's such a big deal that we (me and my bridesmaids) want the same color shoe. I'm giving them $20 towards them even though I'm not demanding them and we all agreed on the silver color.</div>

mdupon70997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-bridesmaid-gift-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1600d1e-6f97-4c30-af7d-766250722d94Post:b79d02c7-bd84-4617-a91c-736bce072289">Re: XP - Bridesmaid Gift Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Think of the last ten weddings you attended.  What shoes were each of the maids wearing in each wedding? Do you remember? Will your guests? Will Great-Aunt Edna REALLY grab Jill, your Maid of Honor, and drag her over to Susie, your bridesmaid, and scream, "OH MY GOD! Their shoes don't match!"? If they want to know what shoe to wear, pick a color, and tell them to go find a pair.  Gold or silver are usually a good choice....most women already have a gold or silver shoe.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yes, I do remember shoes as well as dresses. I don't care if any of my guests look at the shoes or not. I will know and so will my bridesmaids who want to wear the same color shoe.</div>

mdupon70997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-bridesmaid-gift-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a1600d1e-6f97-4c30-af7d-766250722d94Post:cafb991e-5059-434f-8d26-63b18e29da5b">Re: XP - Bridesmaid Gift Enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]The original question wasn't about whether or not to wear matching shoes mdupon, these are open boards, and anyone can post. You do not have the right to direct responses.  Anyone who wants to say, "I didn't ask you if...." should probably go teach elementary school, where they can control the children, instead of converse with adults on public forums. You got advice.  You just didn't like it.  Nobody was rude to you.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I didn't say who could and could not post. I'm not directing responses. I'm simply pointing out that people do look at shoes and remember them, so there's nothing wrong with asking for a certain color shoe. You have no clue whether I liked the advice I got or not. </div>

bfsboo

When I was a BM in my brother's wedding, my SIL bought our shoes for us (which I really appreciated, one less thing to worry about) but then @ the rehearsal dinner, we also got a wedding day package with jewelry, lip gloss, ballet slippers to change into for the dance and kleenex. I can honestly say I do not have any of that stuff anymore. While it was nice to not have to worry about paying for that stuff, I now have nothing to remind me of their wedding... What would have been nice was a personalized picture frame, wine glass, make up bag, etc. Now that I'm engaged (and we are on a tight budget, paying for the wedding ourselves) there are some incredibly cute (and inexpensive) BM gifts on TheKnot Shop and other wedding sites.   P.S. I don't think it's demanding asking them to wear silver shoes either. And really, both times I was a BM, I don't think I would have been disappointed if I didn't get a gift. I was truly honored to be IN the wedding and don't think I "deserved" anything for it.