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What to do?

millerkerrymillerkerry member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Hi ladies,
I asked my 2 older sisters to be my matron, and maid of honor, I also asked the oldest one if my niece could be my flower girl. The same sister has 2 other kids under the age of 2 and told my mother she is bringing them to the wedding.. I'm annoyed because she hasn't mentioned this to me or asked me if its ok. Our venue is only giving us a 30 discount on children attending.. I don't think its fair for us to pay 90 for babies..Am I being overly sensitive? How should I approach my sister about this?
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Re: What to do?

  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    So, you were not planning on inviting children at all, is that correct?

    Inviting or not inviting children to your wedding is completely up to you.  You should invite the flower girl, since she is part of the wedding party, but that is it. 

    That being said, some parents do not like leaving their children for long periods of time.  Does your sister live close enough to the wedding to not need to book travel and a hotel, and could therefore just get a sitter?  Does she not like to get sitters for her children?  Not including children may cause some parents to not be able to come, but that is the risk you take.

    I do think she should have addressed it with you before talking about it with your mother.  Does your venue really charge for babies who won't even be eating the food?
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  • millerkerrymillerkerry member
    First Comment
    No we are only having the children that's apart of the wedding, which one of them is her daughter. We didn't want to spend that amount of money on children that were not apart of the wedding. We don't have kids, and my FI and I are paying for the entire wedding. The venue wasn't specific on the age of the children they charge for.. She has left her children with babysitters before, if fact she has a sitter for when her and her husband go to work and the oldest one is in school.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It seems strange to me to invite one child and not the other two siblings, so I can see why your sister assumed that all three of her children would be invited to your wedding. Could you cut back in some other area, such as flowers, invitations or favors to make up the difference?
                       
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  • CallmefiaCallmefia
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_what-to-do-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a2a3888f-051a-449f-9d87-18d8f08dc751Post:be8f0014-d1a1-4be7-9a3c-21d7b7a4f2d0">Re:What to do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]No we are only having the children that's apart of the wedding, which one of them is her daughter. We didn't want to spend that amount of money on children that were not apart of the wedding. We don't have kids, and my FI and I are paying for the entire wedding. <strong>The venue wasn't specific on the age of the children they charge for..</strong> She has left her children with babysitters before, if fact she has a sitter for when her and her husband go to work and the oldest one is in school.
    Posted by millerkerry[/QUOTE]

    Does this mean you haven't asked your venue yet what the charge for these extras are?
    Is it really worth getting in an arguement, causing drama?
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  • millerkerrymillerkerry member
    First Comment
    I can see why my sister assumed the other 2 children were invited.. it would have been nice if she would asked me instead of going to my mom. We asked the venue when we booked its 90 per child that's apart of the wedding. If my neice was not my flower girl she would not be at my wedding. None of my other siblings are bringing their children. My sister is a great mother and if all 3 of her kids there, they will be her focus and priority, and nothing else. She is my matron of honor, I don't want to argue or fight about this, but it is my day.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Talk to her.  You only know of the conversation with your mom.  Take sis out to lunch and chat about this.  If your other nieces and nephews are not invited I think you have a leg to stand on.  And if anyone told me it would cost them 180.00 for me to bring my two uninvited kids to the wedding I would snap back to reality.

    Go talk to her face to face.
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  • nlindsay17nlindsay17 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    Why can't you just tell your sister you are only including the children in the wedding party? I don't understand why people can't use a phone and tell someone no.
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  • millerkerrymillerkerry member
    First Comment
    Sounds good to me, thanx ladies.. I will do just that. I love her and want her there!!
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  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    If it's really important to your sister to have her kids there, check with the venue on age of children that would be 1/2 price.  At our venue, children under the ages 3 and under are free, and for children between 4-14, parents can specify if they want smaller portions of the meal for 1/2 price, or a full meal for full price.
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  • birdofparadise8birdofparadise8 member
    First Comment
    I don't know why, but this kind of seems crappy for your sister and the other two kids. You pick one to be in the wedding, and completely exclude the others. I get not wanting to pay extra money for kids to be at your wedding, but if it were me, I would either A) suck it up and pay for my sisters kids to be present, so my sister will be there, and so they don't feel like they've been excluded from a family event, or B) get rid of the flower girls (they're added wedding fluff, in my opinion, not a necessity). It might be "your" day, but just keep in mind these people are your family, and they matter a lot more than money and wedding cake.
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  • kiki1978kiki1978 member
    100 Comments
    edited June 2012
    I would think that if the other two children are babies/toddlers you wouldn't have to include them in the meal count at all. Most of the time they wouldn't eat the food you are serving and your sister could bring food for them. I would feel bad if I had to eliminate my nieces/nephew from my wedding. I would call the venue and talk to them about children under the age of 3.  
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_what-to-do-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a2a3888f-051a-449f-9d87-18d8f08dc751Post:30812245-84a1-4620-91e0-67185fc638b3">Re: What to do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know why, but this kind of seems crappy for your sister and the other two kids. You pick one to be in the wedding, and completely exclude the others. I get not wanting to pay extra money for kids to be at your wedding, but if it were me, I would either A) suck it up and pay for my sisters kids to be present, so my sister will be there, and so they don't feel like they've been excluded from a family event, or B) get rid of the flower girls (they're added wedding fluff, in my opinion, not a necessity). It might be "your" day, but just keep in mind these people are your family, and they matter a lot more than money and wedding cake.
    Posted by birdofparadise8[/QUOTE]

    <div>Both children are under the age of 2, they will not feel left out or jealous or excluded.  They are babies and are oblivious of what a wedding is.</div>
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