pushy mom

ratzlaf4

ok ive only been engaged for a few weeks now and my mom is already telling me that i have to do it at the church i grew up at or else ill "break her heart" and that i should wear her dress and invite a bunch of her friends to the wedding. this has been brought up here and there and always ends up with her saying she wont help with the wedding or some sort of arguement. now that im actually starting to plan i dont know how to tell her that none of this is going to happen. i dont even know the people she wants to invite but i feel like she already told them they could come. my fiance and i are poor so we cant really have alot of extra people. anyone know how to deal with this kind of mom without starting a fight? 

jagore08

Let her know that you and your FI are planning YOUR (yours and your FIs) wedding, not hers.  While you appreciate her ideas and vision, it's just not the same vision the two of you have.  

casswhiting

I agree with jagore. Tell her firmly that you two are going to plan YOUR wedding the way YOU dreamed it! Also, if you don't want to wear her dress, just explain to her that you want your own special dress that is completely yours.

My mom was the same way when I first got engaged about 5 months ago. Just be patient with her and don't give in! It is super important to have a wedding that YOU want. It is YOUR day after all!

Maggie0829

Are you and your FI paying for the wedding without any help from your mother?  If so, then you have every right to plan the wedding the way you want to.  You do not have to invite all of her friends and if you don't want to get married in the church you grew up in or wear her wedding dress then you don't have to.  You are an adult and as an adult are allowed to say no and make your own decisions. 

StephBeanWed61502

"Mom, thanks for the suggestions, we'll keep them in mind.  FI and I are really looking forward to planning our wedding together, and making decisions that are meaningful to both of us - I'll let you know what we've come up with."

Then, don't tell her anything until after you've made your deposits, so you won't be tempted to change things around just to please her. 

RaptorSLH

Money comes with strings.  If she's being this pushy now, it'll only get worse, so don't let her provide the funding.

graysquirrel

I think that you need to have a heart to heart with your mom. Explain to her that while you love her very much, you and your FI have a different vision for your wedding and that you would like to plan as close as you can to your own idea of a dream wedding. In this case I would plan the wedding that you can afford without her assistance. She sounds rather immature, so I wouldn't give in to her tantrums. Keep firm but pleasant and hopefully she will realize that this isn't her wedding, it is yours.

[Deleted User]

Is your mother contributing in any financial way towards the wedding?  If she is then, she does get a greater say in what happens at your wedding than it sounds like you would want.  However, if you and FI are paying for it on your own, you have every right in the world to do 100% as you please.

Your mom is probably very excited and happy for you right now and just wants to be a part of your day.  Be firm, but flexible.  Let her voice her ideas and respectfully consider, but ultimately make your own decision.  She had her opportunity for her wedding years ago and now it is your turn to have YOUR day.

KendallCH

My mom is the opposite....She's helping with the funding but still is letting ME do the planning....My suggestion is like the others I've read here...unless she's either footing the whole thing or just helping out a bit...it's YOUR wedding, not hers. Tell her gently that you appreciate the suggestions but that's just not what you have in mind. Perhaps try her dress on, and see if she thinks you might look good in it. If she sees that it's either not the right shade, style or that it might take many alterations to fit you then she might back off. As for getting married in the Church, that's your decision not hers.Tell her that you have a place already in mind and if you can't get the other place, then you would have a fall back plan. That might soothe her at this point.

Happy planning.......