thanks!

pollyrolman

Thanks for the advice, I think I have a better outlook on the situation now.

Kimberly0402

My MOH is also trying to get pregnant. We jokingly figured out that her and another of my BMs can't get pregnant in Oct (her due date would be around my wedding). I've already told her that I don't care if she's waddling down the aisle or has a newborn. She is important to me and we will make it work regardless of what happens.

My fiance understands as well. He keeps saying, "I hope they get pregnant."

pollyrolman

Yeah, that's exatly what my mom told me "it might be a little hectic, but everything will work out no matter what".  I think I am just going to look at it that way and try not to worry about it.  I just want her to be there for everthing, but if she can't, I guess I will have to make the best of it.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-trying-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a783058b-f58f-40d9-890f-b34a297d94f0Post:05164bd1-b3d9-4cd3-b377-5bdf493ecc84">MOH trying to get pregnant...</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister is my matron on honor and just told me (many months after I asked her to be my MOH) she would like to try and get pregnant soon, so she would have the baby before my wedding (in November of 2012).  She explained that her and my brother-in-law are going to try until this January and if it doesn't happen, then they will stop trying so that she is not pregnant during the wedding.  It's great and all that she doesn't want to be pregnant during the wedding,<strong> but I am very worried that she won't be there for me as my MOH the way I want her to if she has just had a baby</strong>.  She also lives in Florida and I live in Louisiana and she already has a 2 year old child. <strong> She seems to think that it won't be difficult for her to be there for all the bridal party events and help me the day before and day of my wedding,</strong> but I just don't see that as very realistic if she has a newborn (not to mention she lives far away and already has a child).  Also, when she had her first child, our mom went to Florida for a month to help her.  <strong>Our mom is also the primary person helping me plan my wedding, and if my sister needs her to help her with the baby two months before my wedding (probably when planning will be the most intense), that will be EXTREMELY difficult.</strong> I want another niece or nephew more than anything and I understand that having a child is very important to her <em>(she had difficulty getting pregnant with her first child)</em>, <strong>but I just don't know what to expect from her now as my MOH. </strong> Obviously, if she doesn't get pregnant then there will be no issue, but she is trying.  I did explain my concern, but it's not my place to tell her that she can't try to have a child just because she is my MOH and I am getting married. Has anything had an MOH with a newborn (maybe that also lives far away) or dealt with a similar situation?  Should I lower my expectations?
Posted by pollyrolman[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You need stop with the "expectations" for your MOH. MOH is just a title that you give to your closest friend or family, it isn't a job. She does not have to attend pre-wedding parties, plan pre-wedding parties, or help you plan your wedding. All she needs to do is get her dress and be there the day of your wedding. If you can focus on her being there the day of your wedding in her dress then you won't have to worry about her being pregnant or if she has a baby. </div><div>
</div><div>Your sister will be the judge of how much she can do and wants to do when it comes to your wedding stuff. But you shouldn't be the one putting expectations on her.</div><div>
</div><div> As for your mom helping your sister instead of you, this sounds really unflattering on your part. Remember a baby is always bigger than a wedding, if your mom needs to help your sister it is up to <strong><em>you and your FI</em></strong> to plan your wedding. Grown adults can plan a party, if planning is that difficult to you either scale back things or hire a wedding planner. </div><div>
</div><div>If your sister does have another baby before your wedding, you need to be open minded and flexible to what your sister may have to do during your wedding day. If she needs to have the baby close by to feed it every 2-3 hours then you need to be accommodating. </div><div>
</div><div>If you just relax and just go with the flow of things, it will work out. Enjoy your wedding and be excited if you have another niece or nephew (specially if your sister has had a hard time in the past trying to get pregnant).

</div>

ellietachi

Seriously..? 

The MOH's only real duty is to show up at your wedding. She isn't REQUIRED to attend other bridal party events. This is YOUR wedding, it is obviously most important to YOU (and your FI). It's extremely ridiculous for you to expect her to prioritize your wedding over having a child. Lower your expectations and try to realize that the world does not revolve around you and your wedding. If it works out, awesome - chances are it will. If it's harder than she anticipated and she can't do all of the things you want her to do, too bad. Your wedding will still go on.

CassieeK

Like PPs said, she doesn't have to do anything special to be MOH.

Honestly, you sound like you would prefer she plan her life around your wedding. Good luck with that!

pollyrolman

Thanks for the advice on "expectations".  My initial expectations were only for her to attend my shower and bach party, in addition to the wedding (and helping me get ready before the wedding).  I am not asking her to help with planning, mainly since she lives out of state anyway.  It's hard not to want my MOH, who is also my only sibling, at those events.

Just a clarification: I would never ask anyone to prioritize my wedding over having a child. I am well aware that I cannot do that. The post was more to vent my concerns and to ask if anyone else has experienced this same situation and how it worked out for them.

AutumnFair

Yes, it is disappointing when certain family and specially close family might not able to make certain pre-wedding events, but that is life, you have to move on from the disappointment if she can't make it and be happy with the many other people that will be there. Plus I am sure she is disappointed too that she may not make it to certain things also, but if you make it known that you love her if she is there or not I'm sure she will really appreicate it. 

calindi

I think it's pretty darn selfish of you to somehow expect your sister to pay more attention to you as a bride than the goal she and her husband have of becoming parents.  If my sibling told me that they wanted to have a kid, but would stop trying for a YEAR so they wouldn't be pregnant for my wedding, I'd tell them not to be ridiculous - I'd take a niece or nephew over having my sibling plan pre-wedding parties ANY DAY!

ElisabethJoanne

My mother's only sister was pregnant for my parent's wedding. Back then, you didn't have pregnant bridesmaids. Mom always regretted not having her sister in her bridal party.

Tell your sister to just live her life. If she's very pregnant for your wedding, great! If she has a new baby, great! If she's still trying and can't drink the champagne, oh well! Choose dresses as late as you can, likely in an empire-waist style, or choose a designer that also makes maternity dresses. Then just be happy to have her there for the rehearsal, ceremony, and toasts. That's all that's required of a maid of honor.