Please, I need your advice!

JerseyML

Oops ok I re-read my post.  I really shouldn't have put  "ALL of you are giving her a hard time about going away" when it was just a few people.  My bad. 

OK so the hosting part.  It is bad to host your own party but maybe she is a bridezilla and wants to control everything.  She has only one post.  Lets get her back here and explain why she HAS to host it.  Can't she just tell her MOH, BMs or MOB exactly what she wants to do and then they can send the invitations with their name on it. 

katebh

I have to disagree with the majority here. If you're planning your bachelorette party and expecting people to pay for you, then yes, that's rude. But if what you're planning is just a weekend with the girls and you are not expecting anything from them and not requiring them to attend, then I see no problem with it. My friends are spread out across the country and if any of them had a destination party and issued/initiated the invite I would think nothing of it. Also, surely you have sense enough to know what is and is not considered reasonable financially by your friends. 

As for your mother in law I would absolutely invite her if your mother is invited. Otherwise, you lookas if you are purposely excluding her.  

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_please-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a8cd16a0-278e-4abd-bda0-6ad69207b1f3Post:455413b5-8566-40fa-9fa0-dc151cf0b4b8">Re: Please, I need your advice!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oops ok I re-read my post.  I really shouldn't have put  "ALL of you are giving her a hard time about going away" when it was just a few people.  My bad.  OK so the hosting part.  It is bad to host your own party but maybe she is a bridezilla and wants to control everything.  She has only one post.  Lets get her back here and explain why she HAS to host it.  <strong>Can't she just tell her MOH, BMs or MOB exactly what she wants to do and then they can send the invitations with their name on it. </strong>
Posted by JerseyML[/QUOTE]
I think that's even worse, personally.  It's saying, "Sorry, you're too incompetent to plan a party that's to my liking, but I don't want to look bad.  Oh, also, you're paying."

The party is a gift.  The bride can provide a few guidelines, particularly if there are things she's dead set against (maybe she doesn't drink, or doesn't want strippers), but other than that, the activities should be left ENTIRELY at the discretion of the hosts.  If the bride oversteps those bounds, she's being very rude to her friends, no matter her reasoning.

bdulli13

a note-- i have three bridesmaids. one lives in tennessee, one lives in pennsylvania, and at the time of the wedding, my MOH will be living in panama. my mom's side of the fam are in florida, my dad's are in ohio, and i am in new jersey. the grooms family is in boston, florida, and north carolina. the wedding is taking place in florida. my friends are all over the united states.

that said, my MOH asked what i wanted to do about a shower and bachelorette. she came up with the idea (with my advice whenever she requested it) that, since most people will be arriving on wednesday night for the wedding (which is saturday-- this will be a vacation for most), that on thursday she would throw a small shower brunch or lunch including the female family/friends/party who are in town at a local restaurant, then the party and moms/aunts would spend the afternoon/evening having a "spa day" bachelorette (a relative owns a spa-- be cautious of something like this, as it can get pricey, but there are many other options) followed by dinner/drinks and some local activity like busch gardens or a comedy club. i've never had any interest in having the raunchy male stripper/dance club bachelorette that a lot of girls have, and having this extra time with the women i am closest to, without inconveniencing them by having them make another EXTRA trip to attend frivolous parties sounds like the perfect idea to me. when i planned my wedding, i had no intention of having any of those things, and i am so grateful she came up with such an awesome solution.

i know not everyone will be coming on wednesday, and thus not everyone will be able to attend, but i couldn't be happier that she has come up with something that will suit most. i am also not registering anywhere, and if people feel like they really want to give gifts at the shower, i will gladly accept with genuine thanks whatever they gift to us. for me, their presence is my present (as cliche as that is!), and that is a thought you should consider also.

the moral of my story is, there has to be a better solution than asking everyone to travel twice (since you shouldn't be asking anyway...), especially from different countries, no less! if your MOH or another lady HAS OFFERED to throw you a party, and has asked what you want, i recommend taking the more humble road and suggesting something more low key. people will be spending a fortune just to be there for your day. be grateful for that.

Little06

I personally dont see the issue with you throwing your own b-party.  This is 2010 the rules are meant to be broken to a certian extent when it comes to the "PROPER" thing to do.  I think that is great that your friends are willing and capable of traveling for your b-party.  As far as fmil is concerned I would invite her but fill her in on the expenses as well as the agenda.  That way she can make the call if she can afford to go or be comfortable participating.