Moms and Maids

Is it okay NOT to have a wedding party? (Story inside..PLEASE help)

I've only been engaged about a week and it seems my sisters seem to shoot every single thing I like down. Yes, I know it's my wedding, but they don't seem to understand. My colors are fall colors and they told me "I'm not wearing brown. I don't want to look like a piece of poop walking down the aisle"  Now today they say "I hope you don't try on mermaid style dresses. I hate how they look. They make you walk like a penguin"

 My fiance and I are REALLY tired of this. Is it rude to just say forget it and NOT have a bridal party at all? We would still have my mom walk me down the aisle (no father in the picture) and have an officant, just cut the bridesmaids and groomsmen out..

HELLLPPPP
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Re: Is it okay NOT to have a wedding party? (Story inside..PLEASE help)

  • Have you already asked them to be in your WP?  If you have then I'm afraid you need to bite the bullet and have what I like to call a come to jesus meeting.  Tell them that you will take their opinions into consideration but that they will have to respect whatever decision you make because it is your day.  If you haven't already asked them then you can just tell everyone that you are going to stand on your own.
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  • Have you asked them to be in WP yet or did they just assume they were included?

    You do not have to have a WP. All that is required is two witnesses to sign the marriage license. 

    Do your sisters disprespect you in general and treat you badly or is this a new development since your engagement? 
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  • I more or less agree with PP, except I don't think you need to rein them in just yet, if you've asked them.

    How long of an engagement do you want? They're just excited right now. I bet the day will come when they want to talk about anything but the wedding. Change the topic when it comes up. After a few weeks with no wedding conversations, hopefully they can be nicer about it.

    Also, concrete plans and questions help limit unwanted opinions. "I'm engaged, and I like fall colors" begins a very different discussion than, "Long or short dresses?" or "It's taken us 2 months to find a caterer!"
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_is-it-okay-not-to-have-a-wedding-party-story-insideplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a8d747b1-2cc2-450a-853c-78b2e762f135Post:da63c6ac-ef39-4d16-b46d-471baa4e7282">Re: Is it okay NOT to have a wedding party? (Story inside..PLEASE help)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you already asked them to be in your WP?  If you have then I'm afraid you need to bite the bullet and have what I like to call a come to jesus meeting.  Tell them that you will take their opinions into consideration but that they will have to respect whatever decision you make because it is your day.  If you haven't already asked them then you can just tell everyone that you are going to stand on your own.
    Posted by joe&cassie[/QUOTE]

    Unfortunately because we are so close, I've said "Of course you will be my bridesmaids" No official asking, but it was kind of implied. I've told them repeatedly they need to wait and see dresses on before being rude. I'm just getting REALLY tired of them acting like this is there wedding...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_is-it-okay-not-to-have-a-wedding-party-story-insideplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a8d747b1-2cc2-450a-853c-78b2e762f135Post:53e2b0c5-fc12-4487-b474-096968d03f56">Re: Is it okay NOT to have a wedding party? (Story inside..PLEASE help)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you asked them to be in WP yet or did they just assume they were included? You do not have to have a WP. All that is required is two witnesses to sign the marriage license.  Do your sisters disprespect you in general and treat you badly or is this a new development since your engagement? 
    Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]
    Unfortunately because we are so close, I've said "Of course you will be my bridesmaids" No official asking, but it was kind of implied. I've told them repeatedly they need to wait and see dresses on before being rude. I'm just getting REALLY tired of them acting like this is there wedding...

    We generally get along..but they seem to have gotten worse since engagement. They treat my fiance better than they treat me. (THAT is not new)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_is-it-okay-not-to-have-a-wedding-party-story-insideplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a8d747b1-2cc2-450a-853c-78b2e762f135Post:b94d1043-9bb0-4fc6-81cf-a3c66a6a68da">Re: Is it okay NOT to have a wedding party? (Story inside..PLEASE help)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I more or less agree with PP, except I don't think you need to rein them in just yet, if you've asked them. How long of an engagement do you want? They're just excited right now. I bet the day will come when they want to talk about anything but the wedding. Change the topic when it comes up. After a few weeks with no wedding conversations, hopefully they can be nicer about it. Also, concrete plans and questions help limit unwanted opinions. "I'm engaged, and I like fall colors" begins a very different discussion than, "Long or short dresses?" or "It's taken us 2 months to find a caterer!"
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

    We want to be engaged about a year (Our date is october 2013) They messed up thing is they say these things when I'm not even talking to them about the wedding. I have made what I want very clear and have said I will take there opinions into consideration, but that in the end, If I want them in long brown dresses,they will be..
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_is-it-okay-not-to-have-a-wedding-party-story-insideplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a8d747b1-2cc2-450a-853c-78b2e762f135Post:89f26b5f-bb31-4ae5-9113-0f11ad0e11a5">Re: Is it okay NOT to have a wedding party? (Story inside..PLEASE help)</a>:
    [QUOTE]They messed up thing is they say these things when I'm not even talking to them about the wedding.
    Posted by quirkygrl16[/QUOTE]
    I think you need to sit them down and tell them that you find their comments extremely insulting and stressful. Tell them how you feel, and give explicit examples of their comments which are inappropriate and insulting. Figure out a rough date when you will search for the BM dresses (it should be 3-6 months from now) and tell them that you don't want to hear from them about the wedding before that date. Say something like, "We will go BM dress shopping in October, and then we will talk about the wedding" so that there is a clear reason for that time. Then you don't bring it up with them, and if they do, cut them off with "I don't want to talk about that," change the subject and, if it doesn't change, lterally walk out of the conversation.<div>
    </div><div>Also, do you really not have a friend or two that you want in the party? I would not ask them now, as PPs have said, 6-8 months out is the usual recommendation, but adding a friend might dilute their influence a bit. </div>
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    The bridesmaid have 2 responsibilities. 1. Buy the dress selected by the bride and 2. show up to the wedding sober.  If you want long brown dresses then they can suck it up and wear them, or they can remove themselves from the wedding party (don't you kick them out though that's rude).  I will say though depending on how different body types might be you may want to find a specific shade of brown and then let each girl pick a dress of that color that flatters them.  I already know I want the horizon blue color from David's bridal so I plan on giving each of my girls that color swatch and telling them they can either buy a dress in that color from DB or they can find a dress from another place that comes as close to matching that color as possible (I don't care if it's not an exact match)
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You basically asked them.  So you are stuck with them unless you want to seriously mess up your relationship with them. 

    Since they are being so difficult with the dress issue, I would ask them each what their budget is for a BM dress.  Then just pick one out on your own.  Then tell them the dress, color, and date they need to order by.  Be considerate of their style, if they don't want a mermaid dress (which is not flattering on all body types), then get a more neutral shape like an A line dress.  If you go to a specific bridal salon, I would tell the shop ahead of time which style & color you want so that it can't be changed.

    And I would probably leave them home when it comes time for your dress shopping, it would be like watching Say Yes to the Dress when the entourage totally breaks down the bride and trashes every dress the bride likes.

    Anytime they start talking about idea give the standard lines, We/I haven't thought about that yet, We have already decided on x, but thank you for your ideas, or I will keep that in mind when we get to planning that.  Then bean dip them, try to get the topic changed.  And don't talk wedding with them in general.
  • kr216kr216 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_is-it-okay-not-to-have-a-wedding-party-story-insideplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a8d747b1-2cc2-450a-853c-78b2e762f135Post:b21b8f9f-5cd2-4799-ad12-f6dec2f3ecbd">Is it okay NOT to have a wedding party? (Story inside..PLEASE help)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've only been engaged about a week and it seems my sisters seem to shoot every single thing I like down. Yes, I know it's my wedding, but they don't seem to understand. My colors are fall colors and they told me "I'm not wearing brown. I don't want to look like a piece of poop walking down the aisle"  Now today they say "I hope you don't try on mermaid style dresses. I hate how they look. They make you walk like a penguin"  My fiance and I are REALLY tired of this. Is it rude to just say forget it and NOT have a bridal party at all? We would still have my mom walk me down the aisle (no father in the picture) and have an officant, just cut the bridesmaids and groomsmen out.. HELLLPPPP
    Posted by quirkygrl16[/QUOTE]

    If it's what you want, do it.  I am getting married in a few months and have a bridesmaid who has been negative about everything for the last 10 months.  I regret having her in my wedding.  Now I'm to the point of condisering asking her to step down.  In hindsight it would have been best not to ask her at all.
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