Moms and Maids

They Gave Us Too Much Money!

My fiance and I are both university students, but we are financially able to pay for most of the wedding ourselves, which is what we expected to do. We knew our parents would want to contribute in some way. Neither my fiance's parents nor mine are very well off, although his moreso than mine. To my surprise, my parents are giving us a significant amount toward the wedding, and his parents are giving us about twice as much! Their gift alone is more than my intended budget, which makes me feel immensely guilty for two reasons.

First, my mother was very upset that she could only give as much as she did (though it's extremely generous based on their income!), and expressed multiple times that she would love to be able to pay for all of it. I never expected her to, but she seems to think she's not providing well enough. Knowing that my future in-laws gave double what she did really upsets her, although not in a resentful or angry way, just sad that she can't do more.

Also, recieving so much money is overwhelming for me, especially since they have no requests at all! All four parents want us to do as we wish with the money, including using it for living expenses or the honeymoon. I feel like I should owe them something, but they won't ask for anything!

Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can make my mother feel better about her generosity, and feel less guilty about being given so much money, especially from my in-laws? Thanks!
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Re: They Gave Us Too Much Money!

  • edited December 2011
    Just keep them in the loop for planning, ask them their opinions. They wouldn't have offered it if they were not happy to give it to you, so just say thank you!
  • edited December 2011
    First, look around these boards and see how lucky you are. So many parents give money with huge strings attached.

    Second, there is no need to feel guilty! You didn't ask them for the money. They are doing this because they love you and they want to give you this gift to make your wedding great. Accept it as a gesture of love.

    As far as your mom goes, how about saying something like "Mom, all the help and support you are giving me during this planning is more valuable than any amount of money that you could give. It really means so much to me that you are here with me and being a part of such a big day."
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  • slpankuchslpankuch member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Your parents (both sets) love you. They do not expect much in return. I agree with FutureJuilliannD. Just keep them in the loop.  They want to the best for you and your fiance. One day you will be able to give them something back, maybe when their old you will take care of them. Or when you are financially able get them something nice to say thank you.
    Just thank them and tell them you love them.
    Tell your Mom it's the thought that counts and tell her that the only gift you really wanted is her help with the planning.

    I would definitely get them a wedding portrait of you two at the end as a thank you gift.

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  • edited December 2011
    Tell your mom the support she gives you is far more valuable than the amount of money. Ask her if she would help you with some of the planning. Don't feel guilty about accepting the money. That would defeat the purpose of their generosity. They want you to be happy.

    You and your fi should each  write a heartfelt note to your own parents. Let them know how much you appreciate their generosity and love. They will treasure that letter forever. Give it to them with a frame to hold the wedding picture you are going to give them.

    Have fun planning. Good luck.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_gave-much-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:aa6fe09a-6546-4ab2-bbbc-d21ccfd9ef7fPost:0d317e2e-4504-443e-979d-922bea94a492">Re: They Gave Us Too Much Money!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell your mom the support she gives you is far more valuable than the amount of money. Ask her if she would help you with some of the planning. Don't feel guilty about accepting the money. That would defeat the purpose of their generosity. <strong>They want you to be happy. You and your fi should each  write a heartfelt note to your own parents. Let them know how much you appreciate their generosity and love. They will treasure that letter forever. Give it to them with a frame to hold the wedding picture you are going to give them.</strong> Have fun planning. Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
    This!
    I had found out how much my ex was contributing and felt <strong>just</strong> like your mom does, when it is all said and done, I will have spent the same amt. as the ex, but it will include my travel expeses, and I just feel terrible that I am spending it on us(my DH, I, and my son) instead of on her wedding. Granted she has hid things from me that she know would hurt me, but things always seem to get back to you unfortunatly, and I wish I would have never known how much the ex was contributing. :(  She should be able to set that aside and move forward on planning with you, the more "tasks" you give (if you think she wont  mind will keep her mind away from the subject.) She will learn it's not about the $$ it's about the quality of time you 2 spend preparing for your special day, and that is priceless:)

    My daughter has made me feel so important in this whole planning even though we are miles apart, and she would have made me feel that way regardless of my contributions. I am so happy to be even be fortunate enough to help out finacially I love the idea that Marie suggested  :) Good luck and have fun!
  • edited December 2011
    My parents gave us a large sum of money that was more than my intended budget.  When all was said and done I hadn't spent it all and sent them a check for the remainder. 

    We also gave them both nice "Thank Yous" and gifts (spa for my mom, snowshoes for dad).
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  • MadisonpennyMadisonpenny member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Just curious on how your mom knows how much HIS parents gave?
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  • edited December 2011
    Thank you everyone for your advice! I feel better about the situation now. I know that I'm very lucky, and I'm so so thankful!

    MairePoppy, I love your suggestion! We'll absolutely have to do that!

    Madisonpenny, my mum is helping me plan the wedding, so she has to know how much we have to work with. Also, our parents are good friends, so I'm sure they've discussed it.
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  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I hate when that happens.
  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Wow you are lucky, I would just do what others have suggested, keep them in the loop and definitely a nice gift as a TY.
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  • edited December 2011
    I def agree with everyone here. Take what you got, wedding money can be used for more then a wedding. It can be for gifts, a home or your future.
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