how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much??

gsbride2b

hi, i git engaged 6 months ago, much flourish and excitement, my bf was automatically asked to be maid of honour, but since then she has got herself a fella, and i have seen her twice. i also don't like her new fella or the influence i hear he is having on her (drugs etc). i don't want to upset her, but she is not even aware that we have set a date, i can't get hold of her, she just pops up every now and then! what am i gonna do?????

jemmini6

First of all, please use proper English.  It makes your post difficult to read when nothing is capitalized.

Second, you can't kick her out without it ending your friendship.  So if you no longer want to be friends with her, then by all means, tell her you no longer wish to be friends, which effectively removes her from the WP.  Otherwise, you need to keep her as your MOH.

calliopeia2013

Short answer: unless you want to end your friendship with her permanently, you keep her in her wedding.  You can still leave her phone messages, texts, or emails, right?  If she completely drops out of contact, send her the date and the info, and if she doesn't show, she'll take herself out of the wedding.

More importantly, though, worry about your friend, not your wedding.  Next time you see her, tell her you're worried about her- it sounds like she's heading bad places.  Is there anything you can do to help?  Your first concern should be for your friend who kinda sounds like she's fallen for a controlling drug addict, not for whether or not she can make it to your wedding, you know?

Girlie1030

Good grief, your wedding isn't until next June. 

Viczaesar

You don't.

bencomobride

Wow. I'm not going to critize your grammar because this isnt really the place to do it... But my suggestion is if your really that worried about the influence this "fella" is having on your friend, sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Tell her your worried about her. Try to work it out before kicking her out of the wedding party. If you have to kick her out... do it gently. "Although you seem like my natural first choice, (insert name) will really be a better fit. This way you dont have to spend so much time away from your boyfriend"
Hope this helps. and good luck

AdeleDazeem

Aren't you more concerned about your friend and her drug use than how this affects your wedding?

Work on your friendship - worry about the wedding later.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-you-drop-a-bridesmaid-awkward-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac879ed9-9729-48c0-b47f-5f21dbd92179Post:59949ae9-7c90-4e4f-bee3-117c74a70dd9">Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much??</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. <strong>I'm not going to critize your grammar because this isnt really the place to do it... </strong>But my suggestion is if your really that worried about the influence this "fella" is having on your friend, sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Tell her your worried about her. Try to work it out before kicking her out of the wedding party. <strong>If you have to kick her out... do it gently.</strong>"Although you seem like my natural first choice, (insert name) will really be a better fit. This way you dont have to spend so much time away from your boyfriend" Hope this helps. and good luck
Posted by bencomobride[/QUOTE]

But you implied it sooooooo....

Ummmm...whatttt??  How do you let someone down gently?  There is no such thing.  Kicking out a member of your WP is a friendship ending move.  Period.

RockstarWifey0912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-you-drop-a-bridesmaid-awkward-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac879ed9-9729-48c0-b47f-5f21dbd92179Post:05f605bd-ef23-4a37-9288-83e6325f2c4c">Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much?? : But you implied it sooooooo.... Ummmm...whatttt??  How do you let someone down gently?  There is no such thing.  <strong>Kicking out a member of your WP is a friendship ending move.  Period.</strong>
Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Not always.  FI and I got engaged in August, and I texted my BFF to be my MOH.  She said yes, and we were happy.  FI had his guys picked- then one of his guys started being a douchecanoe and dropped out.  So I texted my BFF and explained things and said, "You know I love you but I may have to change up my wedding party." and she said, "Well, I hate it, but I understand.  Have you asked X, Y, or Z to step in?"</div><div>
</div><div>So instead of being a MOH-Zilla, she helped us find a replacement.  If you're really close friends, being dropped from a WP will HURT, but it won't END the relationship.</div>

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-you-drop-a-bridesmaid-awkward-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac879ed9-9729-48c0-b47f-5f21dbd92179Post:a87d6e6a-821a-4e01-81c4-22aab0d0c1c1">Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much?? : Not always.  FI and I got engaged in August, and I texted my BFF to be my MOH.  She said yes, and we were happy.  FI had his guys picked- then one of his guys started being a douchecanoe and dropped out.  So I texted my BFF and explained things and said, "You know I love you but I may have to change up my wedding party." and she said, "Well, I hate it, but I understand.  Have you asked X, Y, or Z to step in?" So instead of being a MOH-Zilla, she helped us find a replacement.  If you're really close friends, being dropped from a WP will HURT, but it won't END the relationship.
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]

She might've been okay with it to you face but hurt behind closed doors.

I would be really REALLY hurt if a "good" friend of mine removed me from the bridal party no matter how I appeared to take the news.  Especially over something as inconsequential as even sides.

semplesarah

I noticed its dangerous to post on these forms lol. People are ready to pounce, but in all seriousness. I think you need to talk to your friend about her situation. It sounds like she may need help. If you drop her it will end your friendship. Maybe you should try getting her more involved. That would give yall time to talk and maybe get her away from a bad situation and it would help you feel beter. If you cant get ahold of her this early on you may just let it ride out. She may end up dropping out on her own.

gsbride2b

Hi! Wow! Wasn't expecting that! As this is a forum about weddings, I asked a question specifically relating to an issue with a wedding...I realise my friend has some issues and I am trying to be supportive through that, but didn't think I was asking for that advice! Yes, my wedding is not for another 15 months, I was unaware of the rule about organising things before 8 months, this is my first time you see... I am however aware of grammar on forums.....I apologise if some of my phrases have not translated from English to American. Such a shame, I thought this site would provide support, not criticism. 

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-you-drop-a-bridesmaid-awkward-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac879ed9-9729-48c0-b47f-5f21dbd92179Post:3b17dbb4-3f83-40df-be71-c43c0dc03c0c">Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much??</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! Wow! Wasn't expecting that! As this is a forum about weddings, I asked a question specifically relating to an issue with a wedding...I realise my friend has some issues and I am trying to be supportive through that, but didn't think I was asking for that advice! Yes, my wedding is not for another 15 months, I was unaware of the rule about organising things before 8 months, this is my first time you see... I am however aware of grammar on forums.....I apologise if some of my phrases have not translated from English to American. Such a shame, I thought this site would provide support, not criticism. 
Posted by gsbride2b[/QUOTE]

gsbride... okay, under all the colorful responses, there really is good advice here for your situation.  No one is giong to tell you how to kick out a bridesmaid because it's a friendship ending move.  Instead, we're advising you to simply wait it out until it's closer to the wedding.  You have a lot of time.  How quickly things changed from when you asked her to now they could very well (and likely) will change again before the wedding.

Just don't do anything for now.  Support your friend.  Re-evaluate much closer to your wedding date.

However, if you choose to kick her out, realize that that move will probably be the end of your friendship with her.  Really think about that.

RockstarWifey0912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-you-drop-a-bridesmaid-awkward-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac879ed9-9729-48c0-b47f-5f21dbd92179Post:5b6663af-9296-431c-be6b-aade05922cff">Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much?? : She might've been okay with it to you face but hurt behind closed doors. I would be really REALLY hurt if a "good" friend of mine removed me from the bridal party no matter how I appeared to take the news.  Especially over something as inconsequential as even sides.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree to disagree.... Some people are just better about dealing with things like this, I guess.</div>

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-you-drop-a-bridesmaid-awkward-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac879ed9-9729-48c0-b47f-5f21dbd92179Post:62fa3b7f-975b-42b2-8ea9-d2d205e83dc8">Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how do you drop a bridesmaid? awkward much?? : I agree to disagree.... Some people are just better about dealing with things like this, I guess.
Posted by RockstarWifey0912[/QUOTE]

But you can't bank on that.  Sure, <u>you</u> got away with it.  But, it's dangerous to tell brides "Sure!!!  Kick her out!  She'll understand!!" when you really don't know.

Giving advice is about giving advice that works in most situations.  Your situation is not typical. 

unionport

 You do what you have to do for yourself,.  It will end the friendship so just make sure your reasons are worth it.

bencomobride

it doesnt have to end a friendship. If it is A TRUE FRIENDSHIP it will survive ANYTHING.