Moms and Maids

Help choosing bridesmaids...

Deleted because apparently I do not have the slightest clue about weddings, especially my own. My bad.

Re: Help choosing bridesmaids...

  • I stopped reading halfway through because none of us can tell you how to choose your bridesmaids. These people should be your nearest and dearest and you should feel like you can't imagine they not being by your side as you get married. Honestly, I think 8 is a lot, but that's just me. Just remember all your bridesmaids have to do is buy a dress, show up wearing it and smile for pictures, nothing more. 
  • Don't kick anyone out of your wedding. Don't replace anyone. These things will make people (rightly) see you as a Bridezilla.

    Your wedding party should be your nearest and dearest. If you had to hide a body at 2am, who would you call? If you want the other two girls, have 10 bridesmaids. It does seem excessive, at least to me, but it is your decision. As long as there is no removing or replacing anyone who has already been asked, you're in the clear.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think if you are questioning whether or not to ask certain people then that is your answer.  If you aren't 100% sure you want them to be a BM then don't ask them.  Like PP said, 8 is a lot but we aren't here to tell you to not ask people because your number is high, we are here to tell you that you should only ask people who are nearest and dearest to you and that you are 100% certain about.

  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    You've asked the 8, right?  So you cannot un-ask them or 'replace' them (these are friends, aren't friends irreplaceable?)

    You may add more if you like, but be quick about it as they don't want to feel like they were a second choice or an afterthought.  10 does seem a bit excessive.  Remember that being a guest in a wedding is an honor as well.
  • I hope you haven't asked any of them yet because you are 2 years out!  You need to wait another year and 3 months....you may not be friends with some of them, and you may have grown closer to the girl you are questioning!  But once you ask them, there is no going back.  I think 8 is a lot already.

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  • crb2013crb2013 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    I haven't asked ANYONE yet because I am still deciding, so no need to tell me I'm a Bridezilla.

    Two girls have been my best friends since first grade, they're givens.
    Two are my sisters, they're given.
    Two are my littles, they're given.
    One is my best friend from college, she's a given.
    So I'm already at seven with givens who are non-negotiable.

    And I understand that I am two years out, but FI and I are asking our bridesmaids and groomsmen at our engagement party, which is June 16th. So I need to decide asap.

    So I had decided on this 8th girl, Friend A. And the only person I told was FI, so I wouldn't be "kicking anyone out". But before I got engaged, and when Friend A and I were not talking, I always thought it would be Friend B. But when Friend A and I started talking again, I started to lean more towards Friend A. But then I started to think about Friend C. So now I'm stuck in the middle. I know it's supposed to be your nearest and dearest, and these three girls are all very near and dear to me. But I refuse to have more than 8 bridesmaids. So I don't know what to do.
  • crb2013crb2013 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    If I stick with Friend A, what are some ways that I could honor Friend B and Friend C in my wedding still? I already know who will be bringing up the gifts, and I know who one reader will be. I could make Friend B the other reader, since she's Catholic?
  • 8 is such an arbitrary number. Why is that your cutoff? And it really sounded like you'd already asked those girls, so don't get snippy when we point that out. Reader, bridesmaid, or guest are your options for your friends.
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  • You don't have to ask your friends at your engagement party.  A lot of things can change in 2 years, so just think about this little dilemma you are having about talking to people, not talking to people, and think about that over the next 24 months!  Lurk around here and you will see posts every day about people who have falling outs or crap with their wedding party.  I get that some are "givens" (although I don't know what a little is), so fine, but what is the issue with waiting?!  It's not like they are going to be doing anything wedding related for the next 15 months anyway.  But since you will not take that advise, we can't help you choose. 

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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You're too early by at least a year. Table the issue until you're no more than a year out and see who you're closest to then. There's absolutely no reason to ask your friends two years out, and plenty of good reasons not to. Wanting to ask them at your engagement party is a stupid reason to jump the gun. When you do ask people, remember that there are no take backsies. Once you ask them they're in your wedding party until either they step down of their own volition or they try to murder you or sleep with your FI. Plan accordingly.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Bad form to delete, OP.



  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    First off no one called you a bridezilla and no one was rude to you so I don't understand your attitude.

    PP were right when telling you to wait until you are about a year to 9 months out from your wedding date.  2 years is a long time and relationships can change.

    We also cannot help you decide who to pick.  You don't have to have exactly 8 BMS.  You can 1 or 5 or 0 or 10 or whatever...don't limit yourself or force yourself to fill a quota.  Just pick the ones that are nearest and dearest to you and if you are questioning whether or not to ask a certain person or two the best course of action is to not ask them at all and just invite them as guests.

    OP, you need to slow your roll and relax!

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