BM Sleepover?

LittleMissCutiePie

Ok, I've heard conflicting opinions on this one. I know my wedding is miles away (or maybe it just feels like it), but I want to know your gals' opinions. I was thinking in lieu of having a bridesmaid luncheon (3 out of 4 bridesmaids need to travel from out of town on the Friday evening for the rehearsal dinner and I don't want to ask them to be there even earlier, since they'll probably all have to work that day, so there is NO time to have a luncheon) I would throw a BM sleepover at the hotel the night before the wedding, after the rehearsal dinner. Has anyone done this? Would you recommend it to other brides? Do you have suggestions for fun activities? If this is a terrible idea, tell me so, please! I just thought it would be fun, and then we can all have breakfast together in the morning and get ready together (if they so choose to come to the salon with me). I hear some people hate this, because the BMs all get catty and fight because they get tired or whatever. My BMs all get along fine, but is this really all I need to be worrying about? Sorry if I sound totally silly.

blahblah85

One of my BM's is staying with me in a hotel room the night before.  I don't want to be alone.  I....uh, I get scared sleeping by myself. (I know, lame.)  She dosen't have kids, or a SO.  My other BM's do.

I imagine you will have your rehersal/rehersal dinner the night before.  You'll be tired.  You need sleep before your wedding.  I don't think you'll want to be doing activities.  You should try to sleep.

Personally, I will be popping some Tylenol PM to combat pre-wedding sleepiness.

saric83

It seems like a great idea in theory, but it could definitely be more of a mess due to the logistics of the hotel rooms. 

If they're coming from out of town, they would either need to pay for a room on Friday night that they wouldn't even use, or they would just use your room, which is where all of their things would be.  But they wouldn't be able to get into their room for Saturday until after the wedding, which means they would have to either get a key from you for your room, bug you and DH to get into the room or other pain in the butt situations.

If they're all traveling alone, it could be fun.  If even a single one of them is traveling with a SO, I would skip it since if it were me, I would much rather stay with my DH instead of with my friends.

Let everyone (and most importantly, you! ) get some sleep and plan to have breakfast with them in the morning. 

jagore08

I would not want to be involved in a BM sleepover simply because I wouldn't want to leave my husband alone in a hotel for the night, especially if we wouldn't be around each other much the next day.  I think breakfast in the morning sounds fine.  I had a morning breakfast with my BM before we all started getting ready, but then again, we were all getting our hair together that morning.

Simply Fated

As a BM, I'd rather stay in a separate hotel room with my bf. Hypothetically speaking, if I was single, unless I'd be saving a shitton of money, I'd rather have my own room. Its not you, it's me. I snore, so they say. Liars. And I like to sleep with the tv on. And I spend way too much time in the shower every morning. Not that I'd never share a hotel room with friends. But if I had the choice, I'd go solo. Im not a morning person, but if the hotel served a delicious breakfast, I'd wake up early for that. So maybe instead of a luncheon the day before you could do a breakfast the morning of?

Elinetrouwt

I love sleepovers! I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'll have one as a bach party

However, the night before the wedding... I intend to go to sleep early, so there would not be much time for fun activities, and the morning itself, that's a lot of stress. Is a bruncheon the day after for the bridesmaids and groomsmen an option? But I do love your idea.

divadancer11

I have already told my BM's that I will be staying in the hotel the night before so I can wake up calmly and not be rushed and whoever wants to stay with me or get their own room they can. The hotel has reserved us a meeting room for the getting ready part and breakfast will be served there. We are having our rehearsal 2weeks before the wedding so we dont have that issue however I will be taking some type of Nyquil or Ty PM FOR SURE I say get rest!!!!!

StephBeanWed61502

I'm leaving the option open to my BMs to stay with me in my hotel room - separate from FI, of course - the night before the wedding.  The two who are single will likely take me up on it, the three who are in relationships probably won't.  I think as long as it's phrased as "hey, I'm staying in a room, anyone want to join me?" and not as an activity you're forcing on them, it could be a good idea.

froggatt.clare

my friend JUST emailed us (her bridesmaids) about this, so I'm glad to read the post before I respond.  I didn't even think of not being able to check into my own room!

It sounds like a fun option IF it works out logistically (and people can check into their own rooms with enough time to get ready) AND someone is in charge of calling lights-out at a reasonable time.

graysquirrel

No offense to the unmarried's opinions, but as someone who has been through this, I say that you will need your sleep. Your wedding day is one of the most emotional and possibly stressful days of your life. The pure adrenaline of it is like nothing else. You will be coordinating people, hoping your hardest that things go perfectly, working with your photographer to get a zillion pictures, getting ready, small talking with every guest, dancing up a storm, hopfully having a hot night with your new H, etc. etc. The night before your wedding the one thing you need is good sleep.

While I understand that you want some fun girl time, I think that being well-rested and looking and feeling your best will be of more importance. I would invite the girls to breakfast if you have time for it and welcome them to the salon with you if they would like. Then enjoy eating and dancing with them later that night once everything is over and you can cut loose.

KatePlusNate04

I think giving them the option is fine. As PPs pointed out, I would personally want to stay in a hotel room with my H if we were staying in a hotel. I wouldn't leave him all alone to go party with my friends in a situation like that. But if you have single BMs, they might want to.

If you end up doing a sleepover, I'd really re-think the activities. You will probably be tired and need a good night's sleep for the next day. Getting to bed early and getting lots of rest is more important than the games.

RaptorSLH

Most of our wedding party is either married or in very serious relationships, and would probably rather stay with their partners. 

If you do this, please make sure you pay for the accomodations.  Do not demand your wedding party stay in a specific place unless you are picking up the tab.  And be understanding if they decline, due to time constraints, social preferences, or just because.

LittleMissCutiePie

Thanks ladies. This is the exact advice I was looking for. Knowing me, I'll probably want time to myself, because I know the next day is going to be absolutely overwhelming. I'd just heard stories about how fun it can be, but at the same time, those girls had evening weddings, and got to sleep in. I won't be able to, so yeah, looks like some chamomile tea and beddy bye time for me. :P

em01092

I'm a BM in a wedding this June, and the MOH is throwing a sleep over for the bride and BMs after the RD. I'm planning on maybe hanging out for a little while, but then heading back to the hotel to stay with FI, especially since he is not invited to the RD. 

LittleMissCutiePie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-sleepover?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b0320581-c6e0-45ae-9856-243fdf17bfb6Post:7e5da458-69c6-4629-a9b4-63063ad8b55a">Re: BM Sleepover?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a BM in a wedding this June, and the MOH is throwing a sleep over for the bride and BMs after the RD. I'm planning on maybe hanging out for a little while, but then heading back to the hotel to stay with FI, especially since he is<strong> not invited to the RD. </strong>
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

Wow! Bad form. I would never ask my BMs to abandon their FIs or SOs for the rehearsal dinner!

Viczaesar

You're fine to invite them, but you need to be okay with it if they say no.  I, personally, have no desire to have a sleepover with anyone anymore, not even my best friend.  I value my sleep and my privacy and would want to be able to actually rest, in a comfortable bed, the night before a long day.

rswan412

I'm offering rooms to my BMs to stay with me the night before- I have a suite with an adjoining room. They're all pretty excited about it, but I made sure they knew that it was not expected and I was totally fine with the word "no".

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-sleepover?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b0320581-c6e0-45ae-9856-243fdf17bfb6Post:c377adf5-6491-4485-a1a6-4727ef1b77d1">Re: BM Sleepover?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Sleepover? : Wow! Bad form. I would never ask my BMs to abandon their FIs or SOs for the rehearsal dinner!
Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah I was kind of miffed when she told me they could only afford WP only (she and FI are paying and it's already pretty casual-dinner at her dad's), especially when we discussed it once before and she knows her FI is totally invited to our RD, but whatever. To be fair, she didn't explicitly say no SOs, but that's what I took "close family and WP members only" to mean. FI thinks it's kind of lame, but men don't get as ruffled about that sort of thing. He'd probably rather stay at the hotel and watch TV anyway. </div>

jemmini6

My MOH (sister) and one of my BMs (friend) stayed in my hotel the night before with me.  It wasn't necessarily because I wanted a sleepover, but our venue was about an hour away for both of them, so rather than them driving all the way out there for the rehearsal, all the way home, then all the way back out the following morning, I offered to let them stay with me.  They were both single though and my nephew spent the night with my mom (he wanted to, I would have been fine if he'd stayed with us).  My other BM (sister) stayed at my mom's house with her husband and 3 kids.

I think it's perfectly fine to offer your BM's a place to stay with you the night before, but might be a little too much to actually plan a "sleepover".  We didn't do anything too exciting either, we sat and talked while I painted my nails, then went to bed.

thousandtrees

We're doing a sleepover the night before, and it was actually my BMs' idea. Instead of a hotel, we're booking out a small B&B, and both moms and a great-aunt will be joining us. We're probably going to head there in late afternoon, and we're having someone come in to do mani-pedis on site. We're also hoping the hairdresser can come to us (none of us want updo's, but I'm a total failure at blow-drying my own hair). We're happy to have SOs stay the night (my dad will be), but plan to have a girls' evening. FI and his friends are going to have a video game night at  my parents' house (his family is from out of town).

Bottom line, suggest it to your BMs. If they're up for it, do it! I probably won't be getting a lot of sleep the night before anyway. I can barely sleep properly before getting up to go to work, pretty sure if I spent the night alone doing nothing I'd be in a tailspin of list-making and other anxiety-related activities. I need distraction!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-sleepover?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b0320581-c6e0-45ae-9856-243fdf17bfb6Post:3d835c33-e894-4bed-91d1-f22043bf7d68">Re: BM Sleepover?</a>:
[QUOTE]No offense to the unmarried's opinions, <strong>but as someone who has been through this, I say that you will need your sleep</strong>. Your wedding day is one of the most emotional and possibly stressful days of your life. The pure adrenaline of it is like nothing else. You will be coordinating people, hoping your hardest that things go perfectly, working with your photographer to get a zillion pictures, getting ready, small talking with every guest, dancing up a storm, hopfully having a hot night with your new H, etc. etc. The night before your wedding the one thing you need is good sleep. While I understand that you want some fun girl time, I think that being well-rested and looking and feeling your best will be of more importance. I would invite the girls to breakfast if you have time for it and welcome them to the salon with you if they would like. Then enjoy eating and dancing with them later that night once everything is over and you can cut loose.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

This.  After my RD I kissed my H goodnight (he stayed at his parents) and I then got into my PJs, had a mug of chocolate chip cookie dough and fell asleep.  The last thing I wanted was to be around more people because I knew that the next day would be non-stop craziness. 

Enjoy their company the day of your wedding.  And, if your wedding ends early (mine ended at 10pm) then you all can go out to a local bar for a few more drinks and more celebrating (this is what I did with my wedding party and a few friends...we didn't plan anything beforehand, just decided it at the end of the night).

sweetcanadian1979

We are having a sleep over at a hotel, my house is not made for me to get my dress on easy (my dress is huge with a semi-cathedral train, would knock everything over). I work in a hotel so i get a huge discount. I am paying for both rooms, they are adjoining, only my mother is in my room. 

I asked everyone their thoughts & all were ok with it except 1 is unable to due to her animals, which i told her that is fine, she will come get ready with us the next day she said. 

Out of the 4 that will be in the other room, 3 are single, 1 is my sis whom is coming from 2000 miles away so if her bf can come she will leave him with my brother (they get along well) & join us as we never get to see each other, i asked her what she thought rather than telling her. Talk to your bm & see what they have to say.