Bridesmaid Dilemma - Awkward Situation - Need Advice

rachaelgettingmarried

Hi Ladies,

I could really use some advice on how to deal with a somewhat awkward situation. My wedding is in six months and I already chose my BMs. My FI and I have a mutual friend, she grew up with him (somewhat of a tomboy), but we have all known each other since junior high and when he and I started dating she and I got closer. That being said, I did not decide to include her as a BM.

A few days ago I received a text from her stating "Hey haven't heard much about wedding stuff and I wanted to check if I was participating, I had assumed not since I hadn't heard anything."

When I first got this message I felt uncomfortable, guilty and somewhat upset that she was so blunt about it. I have since gotten over that and I really just want to know the best way to break it to her that no she's not in the wedding, but she is still really important to me. Thoughts??

slave4dance

I am so sorry that this happened to you. Gotta love the friends that assume they are bridesmaids and then call you out on it. This actually happened to me and I got out of it by saying we havent picked anyone yet - mainly because we hadn't since we have so much time. In your situation I would not go into detail as to why you did not pick her but I would say how important she is as a friend to you and that being a guest is an honor also.

LoveMuffins

Ugh... awkward. I would probably just respond back with something like, "Yeah, wedding stuff is going really well, thanks for asking! We're really looking forward to it and to sending you an invitation!" and probably just bypass the whole awkwardness that she brought up.

The other thing is, if you were interested in including her - although you should NOT feel required to just because she rudely asked if she's participating - you could always ask her to do a reading.

kaitlyn&henry

It is never ok for someone to ask why the ARENT asked to be in the BP. i had this happen not only with a friend who expected to be a BM but also a sister who expected to be an MOH (when she was already asked to be a BM).

I am sorry for the awkwardness...and guilt. But like someone already said, just respond with a polite thanks for asking, its going great! and if you want her included in talking about it, then sure let her...but dont let her make you feel obligated.

If she does come right out and ask or keep asking, you do not have to explain yourself or give reasons ( i found myself doing this until i turned blue in the face)...

GOODLUCK and enjoy planning...it goes by faster than you know it

Babbygirl1

I agree with love muffins what a tactful way to handle it

awilley0814

Just tell her sorry, but you're not in my party attendants.  Think of something else that she could do to help with the wedding.  She may just want to know that she is involved in some way.

LittleMissCutiePie

That was very rude of her to be so blunt. However, have you two considered having her do something else? Maybe be a ceremony reader? If not, just very kindly say "We're very excited to have you come to our wedding and share our special day!"

lnl1025

Being a blunty myself, that was probably just her way of politely asking. ( a lot of people take my blunt for rude, it sucks) It didnt appear as if she said hey why am i not in the wedding, just that she was double checking to make sure she wasnt missing out on things she might have been supposed to be doing.If it were me Id respond by saying something about how well the wedding plans are going (if they are) or not,  and tell her we have already chosen our bridal party, but are still deciding if we wanted anyone to do a reading, or if we are just letting our guests enjoy being guests and not  have to do any of the work . Maybe she would like to assist you in some way.  Favors, addressing invites, etc. You could say you didnt know she wanted to be involved.I wouldnt go into detail about why you didnt choose her, because its not neccesary.Just my opinion