MOH issues

Nancyandtigger2

ok so my maid of honor is my best friend and I'm having a little issues with her over her ex boyfriend being at the wedding/ possibly being a groomsmen.... I told her the other day that he was invited no matter what and that he mig be in the wedding party.... Well she told me that she doesn't know if she will be able to handle her self that night when it comes to not talking to him..... Se told me she can't make any promises on behaving for on night.... Then today she told me I might have to worry about her parents as well.... What should I do?????? I don't want to kick her out of it because I love her to death but at the same time I don't want to worry about her and her mouth that night......

Nancyandtigger2

I also told her at anyone who starts that night will be kicked out and she told me that she might just get kicked out then.!!!!!!

Maggie0829

Wow can we say immature?  I would tell her that she is being ridiculous and that starting something at your wedding would really hurt your feelings and as a friend she should respect your wishes and your feelings.  But if she does go crazy at the wedding I would make sure she knew that she will be kicked out no matter what and no exceptions.  Just remember that whatever happens will only show poorly on her, not you.

LoveMuffins

Ditto PP.

How old is she, 5? I would just keep looking at her like she's crazy, tell her that you're really disappointed that she can't act like an adult for a special evening for you, and just keep letting her know that you disapprove of that. If she says she doesn't care and she just wants to start stuff, then she's really not much of a friend, is she? At which point I might start reconsidering the friendship.

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-issues-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b18cadbc-bf87-45d6-bc41-725a3e27e8a7Post:fd95f53c-86a6-4bea-b306-2fe1e159655b">MOH issues</a>:
[QUOTE]ok so my maid of honor is my best friend and I'm having a little issues with her over her ex boyfriend being at the wedding/ possibly being a groomsmen.... I told her the other day that he was invited no matter what and that he mig be in the wedding party.... Well she told me that she doesn't know if she will be able to handle her self that night <strong>when it comes to not talking to him</strong>..... Se told me she can't make any promises on behaving for on night.... Then today she told me I might have to worry about her parents as well.... What should I do?????? I don't want to kick her out of it because I love her to death but at the same time I don't want to worry about her and her mouth that night......
Posted by Nancyandtigger2[/QUOTE]
Your BM is allowed to talk to whoever she wants to.  If she starts a fight at the reception, she'll be the one who looks like a fool.  Don't kick her out of your wedding party, she'll just be mad at you, then.

If you think there might be a serious cause for concern, you should consider hiring security, or appoint someone to remove her/him if they get out of control.

Nancyandtigger2

I have already told her at if she or her parents start that they would be removed from the wedding, but it seems like she doesn't care that she would be removed..... It's almost like the doesn't even care but won't say it..... Thanks for the advice.... This has been really bugging me all day....

MairePoppy

I agree with LoveMuffins.
She's not much of a friend if she is planning to do something to ruin your wedding. She has no say in your fi's wedding party or your guest list. You've already told her what will happen if she acts out at your wedding. If she doesn't come around, tell her that her attitude is putting a strain on your friendship with her.

StephieBow

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-issues-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b18cadbc-bf87-45d6-bc41-725a3e27e8a7Post:9a12b082-d1fc-415f-80ee-e94bd86b45c5">Re: MOH issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with LoveMuffins. <strong>She's not much of a friend if she is planning to do something to ruin your wedding.</strong> She has no say in your fi's wedding party or your guest list. You've already told her what will happen if she acts out at your wedding. If she doesn't come around, tell her that her attitude is putting a strain on your friendship with her.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

Agreed. Wow. Your friend realllllly needs to grow up!!!!

Kniblet

If she cannot be there FOR YOU that day and put this petty stuff aside, I have to wonder what kind of a friend, person, that she is.  This event is NOT about her at all.  Out of respect for YOU, her friend, she should act like an adult.

If that doesn't happen, she will on;y make herself look childish and people will talk about HER, not you.  Heck, they will feel sorry for you that she just couldn't act mature.

Good luck with her.

ADTonk

She sounds immature.

Offer to seat her across the room from him.  Offer to have her walk with someone else.  Tell her she needs to be an adult and get a handle on herself.  Any normal adult should be able to be in the same room with an ex without starting something.

CassieeK

I doubt she will actually do anything. She is angry and full of talk now, but to actually say or do something at the wedding will be a different story. Like PPs said, just make sure she knows whe will be escorted out if she starts anything and be prepared to follow through if it happens. Sorry you're having to deal with such an immature friend; that sucks.

Nancyandtigger2

Thanks ladies for all the advise. I am planning on meeting her this weekend to talk about it.... I will let u know how it goes....

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-issues-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b18cadbc-bf87-45d6-bc41-725a3e27e8a7Post:12eff797-20b4-4615-a1ea-89255ded8bb5">Re: MOH issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I have already told her at if she or her parents start that they would be removed from the wedding, but it seems like she doesn't care that she would be removed..... It's almost like the doesn't even care but won't say it..... Thanks for the advice.... This has been really bugging me all day....
Posted by Nancyandtigger2[/QUOTE]

I am very anti-kicking out the BM but sometimes there are rare occasions when this can be considered.  I am NOT telling you to kick her out.

If I were a bride and she were my BM, we would have a heart to heart chat about this.  Quite frankly, if she couldn't promise to act like a big girl for such an important night in my life, we would have to chat further about her continuing as a BM.  There is no way I would put up with "I'm not sure I can act properly" or "my parents may just go after him too."

Have a really long talk with her and keep your friendship the priority.  If she can't also keep your friendship a priority and promise to put her big girl panties on for the wedding, I'd reevaluate the friendship.  For me, that would be a deal breaker.