Uncomfortable with BM dress - Advice Needed!

OffbeatBelle

Before I get into the reason, I had no idea where to post this and if I am in the wrong place I apologize in advance. This is a long one, so bear with me. 

The Situation: My bride has been contemplating our BM dresses for the past couple of months going back and forth on styles and colors and fabrics. There was one dress in the beginning she loved and I went to see if I could check it out. Being I'm a plus sized girl, and most stores carry sample sizes, I knew I could not try on this dress. Even so, found the style and also loved it. Sweetheat neckline, defined waist and generous A-line skirt and rich dupioni fabric. I knew it would fit my form (smaller than normal chest for a plus sized girl, defined waist, but very wide hips) AND would also suit the other BMs. This was also when she was considering darker color dresses of purples or browns.

Fast Forward to now: Bride sent out her final decision of dress, which I had never seen before. It has the identical top as the one she previously loved, but there is one very big difference from the other dress. Instead of a generous A-line skirt that would flow away from my hips nicely, it is a straight skirt, in a regular satin fabric and in a champagne.

I actually felt my spirits drop all the way to the floor. I love the woman who I am a BM for and this day is for her 100%, but is it wrong to feel like I'm going to be the odd BM out when all the other BMs are of much smaller size and propotions? I've been wrestling with these feelings for most of the day because I do not want to cause a fuss, but I also don't want to drop a very large sum of money on a dress that I am going to feel very uncomfortable wearing.

What would you all suggest in this situation? Should I speak with my bride, and if so, what should I say, or do I just suck it up and bear it? I do not want to offend her and I don't want to upset her. This is her day and it should be her decision. I'm just a bit lost in this situation. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

jagore08

You can definitely say something to her about the style but I would leave the color choice out of it.  The color is one thing that BM just really need to let the bride have her way.  Let her know that you feel very uncomfortable and self conscious in that silhouette.  If you guys are good friends, and you should be if you're her BM, then she should understand where you're coming from.  Hopefully she'll rethink her decision but be prepared for her not to and purchase the dress.

jerzmom114

I agree with Jagore. If she is a very close friend she will understand your feelings about a fitted dress. Being a plus size myself, I would not be ok with the kind of dress/fabric you are describing But, if she doesn't want to work with you, get a good pair of Spanx and pray!

AdeleDazeem

You absolutely have the right to say something!  I think most (sane) brides would want to know if one of their good friends was going to be uncomfortable in the chosen dress.  I wouldn't want that - I wanted everyone to have a lovely time at the wedding!

Is it possible that you could get the first dress in the correct color?  That's a decent compromise.  You might want to offer her suggestions to help instead of just saying "I can't wear this."  She might become very flustered and have no idea of how to help.

Good luck!

JaxInBlue

Diito previous posters, particularly about focusing your conversation on the style of the dress.  I like Joy's idea of findings out if you could get the first dress in the champagne color or being specific about a similar dress from the new collection.  You might also want to see if you could order the current dress and extra material to have the skirt altered to fit you better.  Good luck!

calliopeia2013

Definitely talk to your bride!  Any bride who's a good friend wants her bridesmaids to feel confident and beautiful when they stand up with her!  Speak up- she won't know you're concerned unless you tell her.

OliveOilsMom

I would speak with the bride first.  Let her know you will feel uncomfortable in the current siihlouette.  Look at the other gowns by the same designer.  They may have an alternate dress with the exact same top with a more flowy bottom, in the same fabric.

If willing, talk to the salon to see if you can alter the design of the dress to have an A line skirt.  It would cost more, since it would almost be a custom gown.  But they should give you an estimate of the cost befor you agree to the order.  Or you could order the dress 1 or 2 sizes bigger than recommended and have a seamstress take in the dress on the top, leaving a loose fitting skirt on the bottom.  Just becareful with the last option, if you don't have a good seamstress, that could become a disaster.

OffbeatBelle

Thank you for all of your help ladies!

The only reason she didn't pick the first style was because she said it did not come in the color she wanted. There is a taupe/champagne option, but it's not the right champagne I guess? I've poured over quite a few dresses with her and their colors before she went suddenly silent on the dress she chose and then sent out a surprise email.

If this is the color she wants, I will certainly wear it. That is not my main issue. I can definitely suck it up and try to tan a bit

I'll definitely be talking with her soon and if she is set on this dress I will try out a few of the more ingenious ideas (Never thought of having extra fabric added to the skirt before!).

Muffin'sMom

Instead of saying it won't look good on you, you may want to try that it will look DIFFERENT on you than everyone else.  When you go to order, go by yourself.  Talk to the alterations people about your options to have the dress be essentially the same, but give you the room you need.  Your bride doesn't need to be a part of that...or know that you are doing it...as long as the end result looks close to what the original was.

graysquirrel

I agree with pps-- talk to your friend! I had a few dresses picked out that one of my BMs said almost gave her a stroke when she saw it. She would have been way uncomfortable in it, but at the time the thought simply hadn't crossed my mind. I was more that willing to work with her to find a dress and in the end she picked one out that I thought was better than my first choice. Hoepfully your friend has the same wedding brain flipped on and will come back to earth

Cookies Mom

Have you checked with the othe BMs to see if they might be feeling the same way you do? There might be someone else that would like to have the skirt altered as well, which might make the bride more comfotable with the change. Good Luck!