Moms and Maids

controling maid

So I asked my best friend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She isn't however the MOH. I feel that I have been a very easy bride. I didn't care what dress they got, I don't case what they do with their hair or what jewelry they wear. However, I love shoes and I want them to wear all the same shoes. It started out as TOMS but she complained about them and tried to change it to Converse. So I changed it to some nice nude heels and now she is complaining again. I have given her other things to do and she keeps trying to get involved in everything else. How do I tell her to stay out of it without sounding like a complete bridezilla?

Re: controling maid

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_controling-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5856176-68d8-4d42-b2da-ebc8da10c376Post:0f31168f-9016-41ac-ad85-8327919a1053">controling maid</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I asked my best friend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She isn't however the MOH. I feel that I have been a very easy bride. I didn't care what dress they got, I don't case what they do with their hair or what jewelry they wear. However, I love shoes and<strong> I want them to wear all the same shoes</strong>. It started out as TOMS but she complained about them and tried to change it to Converse. So I changed it to some nice nude heels and now she is complaining again. I have given her other things to do and she keeps trying to get involved in everything else. How do I tell her to stay out of it without sounding like a complete bridezilla?
    Posted by everittl2[/QUOTE]

    Stop discussing things with her.  And also, if you are insisting on them all being in the same shoe, then you are the one who will be purchasing them.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Ditto GLB. I love a good nude heel, myself, but not everyone is comfortable in heels and it's essential for them to match each woman's individual skin tone for them to look right. If they were allowed to wear any nude shoe, then they could purchase a suitable pair for themselves or maybe even pull a pair out of their closet, since it's a neutral color.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_controling-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5856176-68d8-4d42-b2da-ebc8da10c376Post:0f31168f-9016-41ac-ad85-8327919a1053">controling maid</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I asked my best friend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She isn't however the MOH. I feel that I have been a very easy bride. I didn't care what dress they got, I don't case what they do with their hair or what jewelry they wear. However, I love shoes and I want them to wear all the same shoes. It started out as TOMS but she complained about them and tried to change it to Converse. So I changed it to some nice nude heels and now she is complaining again.<em><strong> I have given her other things to do and she keeps trying to get involved in everything else</strong></em>. How do I tell her to stay out of it without sounding like a complete bridezilla?
    Posted by everittl2[/QUOTE]
    You do know she doesnt have to do ANYTHING for you right?

    I don't see what the big deal is with them wearing different shoes. That is a drastic change from flats to heels. maybe she just didn't like Toms so suggested a different <strong>flat </strong>shoe. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_controling-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5856176-68d8-4d42-b2da-ebc8da10c376Post:0f31168f-9016-41ac-ad85-8327919a1053">controling maid</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I asked my best friend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She isn't however the MOH. I feel that I have been a very easy bride. I didn't care what dress they got, I don't case what they do with their hair or what jewelry they wear. However, I love shoes and I want them to wear all the same shoes. It started out as TOMS but she complained about them and tried to change it to Converse. So I changed it to some nice nude heels and now she is complaining again. <strong>I have given her other things to do and she keeps trying to get involved in everything else. How do I tell her to stay out of it without sounding like a complete bridezilla?
    </strong>Posted by everittl2[/QUOTE]

    What other things have you given her to do?  You do realize that your bridal party does not have to do anything but show up the day of your wedding, in the proper attire and looking presentable for pictures right?

    As far as the shoes go, if you want them in a specific type of shoes then you should be purchasing them.  Since you are purchasing them they really can't complain all that much.

    What confuses me is what type of dress are they wearing that you so easily could change from TOMS to nude heels?

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2012
    Drop the matching shoes idea.  I wear a size 10 wide.  I double dog dare you to find a really nice pair of shoes in that size.  If I go to Macy's and ask for that size, they look at me like I have 2 heads and say "Try DSW".

    Everyone's feet are different and finding one style that will be really comfortable for everyone is difficult at best.  Just tell them to get some nude heels (that way YOU don't have to pay for them) and let this go.
  • Yeah, my big thing was letting my BM wear their own shoes. I'm a size 11 women's which makes finding shoes a pain, so many cute shoes don't come big enough. Similarly, a BM of mine approached me early on talking about how she isn't comfortable walking in heels and worried I'd want them in tall shoes. Another wants to wear heels, but needs an ankle strap to feel comfortable in them. A third is really short, and wants to wear platform heels. Feet are so different between people/comfort is so subjective that it seemed like more of a headache than it was worth to try to find something everyone would agree on. And they're all going to be standing with me all day. Last thing I want is a BM up front grimacing or trying not to fall over because of a shoe! 

    Perhaps you could find a shoe that is basically the same but in different styles (a nude shoe with a point toe that can be found flat, pump, high heel, whatever)? Might save you a headache in the long run...
    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_controling-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5856176-68d8-4d42-b2da-ebc8da10c376Post:20d17172-1428-4714-ae25-d3ee95321eb5">Re:controling maid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:controling maid: Sorry, but that's completely untrue. Even if the bride is paying, I can see complaining about physical discomfort, being self conscious wearing the style choice, having a hard time walking or wearing them long term, etc. It is not "controlling" to expect to have input on the shoes you wear as an adult.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Sure they can complain, but we tell brides all the time that if they want their BMs to wear a specific shoe or hairstyle or jewelry then they need to pay for it.  If someone is paying for my shoes I will wear them, but that doesn't mean that I will like them or even be comfortable, but I can deal with a bit of discomfort for an hour or so and then once all the "official" wedding stuff is over with off the shoes will come and on will go something comfortable that I like.

    And since someone else is spending their money on my shoes, then I really shouldn't be allowed a say.  Yeah, it would be considerate of the bride to ask if I like what was picked but since it is her money she has the last say.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_controling-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5856176-68d8-4d42-b2da-ebc8da10c376Post:90250a91-667c-463b-8103-6fd5ca9bcd74">Re:controling maid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:controling maid: We??? There's actually a pretty vocal group of us, myself included, who state that exact matching shoes are just flat out not an okay thing to ask of your WP. Matching COLORS should be paid for by the bride if they are uncommon colors that aren't easy to buy and wear again. But your "hour of discomfort" is my 2 to 3 days of agony. I have threatened to drop out of a wedding over specific shoes before and I don't consider anyone else out of line for doing the same.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I guess we will agree to disagree.

    My feeling is if I were a bride and asked my girls to wear lime green shoes in whatever style, brand, height, etc they decide then they should pay for them.  But if I were to say ask them to wear a lime green shoe with a bow on the front, a 2.5 inch heel and rhinestones covering the heel then I would pay for them because I am asking them to wear a specific shoe not just a specific color.  Of course I would never do this because like you said, they are just shoes and no one will give two hoots about them.  I just feel that color, whether common or not is not specific enough that the bride should pay for them.

    But in the case of OP I don't think it is a matter of comfort because apparently the BM doesn't want to wear TOMS (which are sneakers, right?) but yet doesn't want to wear nude heels so the gammat of comfortableness as been run.  I do think it is a matter that the BM wants to wear converses and nothing else seeing as that is what she suggested as a replacement for TOMS.

    I still would like to know what type of dresses that they are wearing that they can easily be worn with TOMS, converses and heels.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_controling-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5856176-68d8-4d42-b2da-ebc8da10c376Post:7c4eadaf-9f03-4580-aa5f-c45206416c73">Re:controling maid</a>:
    [QUOTE]A. No toms are not tennis shoes. They are flats and they are horribly uncomfortable for some people. And ugly. I know they're popular, but so were Crocs at one point and I'd rather shoot myself with an upholstery staple than stand in those for 10 minutes.

    B. I guess we will have a gree to disagree. I don't think it's ever acceptable to ask your friends to suffer or be physically uncomfortable for the sake of pictures. Obviously, you do so
    Long as you are paying for it.

    C. I too want to know what these dresses look like.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]




    I definitely agree with "A". I had no idea what they looked like until I googled them. How in the world would they ever be ok for a wedding? Or even for everyday wear...they are hideous.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards