FIL Drama

dramaz

Ok, so my FSMIL thinks that my parents don't like her and FFIL, which is completely untrue. She gets that impression from the following:

*She feels like my mom didn't talk to her enough at my shower (which there were about 25 people that largely included my mothers' OOT family that my mom NEVER gets to see and she did chat with FSMIL as much as she could with all those people from what I observed). It's not like she ignored her or didn't talk to her at all.

*We didn't commit to any New Years plans when they asked us what we were doing for the holiday in JULY and mentioned that we've spent the holiday with my parents, but are open to doing something with everyone this year. Every other year they've had plans with their friends, btw so it was completely out of the blue that they even wanted to spend the holiday with us. And oh, yeah, they asked us in JULY about NEW YEARS, so yeah, we were a little wishy washy when we responded.

*There was one time my mom didn't call her back because the voicemail was deleted by my dad and then she forgot that she had even called. This was also when a lot of people were calling to RSVP for the shower.

So, seriously? Does anyone else have FIL's with such a thin skin or am I a jerk by thinking this is ridiculous and they are just looking for something to stir the pot?

ETA: They are people who tend to take everything personally, so if anyone has helpful advice on how to deal in general that would be helpful. I come from a family who is a lot less subtle and doesn't take much personally, so they're really the polar opposites.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fil-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b62eade7-64e2-44b6-acfb-b78843dfd95fPost:e139f1c8-df87-4ff0-b7c1-9424364f8233">FIL Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so my FSMIL thinks that my parents don't like her and FFIL, which is completely untrue. She gets that impression from the following: *She feels like my mom didn't talk to her enough at my shower (which there were about 25 people that largely included my mothers' OOT family that my mom NEVER gets to see and she did chat with FSMIL as much as she could with all those people from what I observed). It's not like she ignored her or didn't talk to her at all. *We didn't commit to any New Years plans when they asked us what we were doing for the holiday in JULY and mentioned that we've spent the holiday with my parents, but are open to doing something with everyone this year. Every other year they've had plans with their friends, btw so it was completely out of the blue that they even wanted to spend the holiday with us. And oh, yeah, they asked us in JULY about NEW YEARS, so yeah, we were a little wishy washy when we responded. *There was one time my mom didn't call her back because the voicemail was deleted by my dad and then she forgot that she had even called. This was also when a lot of people were calling to RSVP for the shower. So, seriously? Does anyone else have FIL's with such a thin skin or am I a jerk by thinking this is ridiculous and they are just looking for something to stir the pot? ETA: They are people who tend to take everything personally, so if anyone has helpful advice on how to deal in general that would be helpful. I come from a family who is a lot less subtle and doesn't take much personally, so they're really the polar opposites.
Posted by dramaz[/QUOTE]

Let your FI deal with them.

Maggie0829

Agree with PP...it is your FI problem not yours.  Some people are just touchy about things...she will get over it...hopefully.

dramaz

Thanks for the advice!

It just makes me feel awkward and a little irked because my parents have been nothing but nice to them and have even extended invitations to every holiday to them and have socialized beyond holidays and big get togethers.

He did talk to them last night, so in my book it's been addressed and we'll move forward from here. I just didn't know if there was any way to deal with it beyond that.

Maggie0829

Since he talked with him I say that the issue is closed.  If they continue to be a pain about it the best thing to do is ignore it.  Your parents have more then tried to be nice to them and if that isn't good enough for your in-laws then that is on them.  Just remember that your parents and your FI parents do not have to be best buddies just as long as they are nice and sociable when around each other.  Sorry you are having to deal with this...this is why I am happy that my parents live in Florida and his live in Maryland...there really isn't a chance for them to think the other doesn't like them

jolla92126

In all honesty, I don't expect my parents to become friends with my in-laws. Friendly, yes, but not friends.

And for the record, your mom is not required to like your FSMIL.

dramaz

That's exactly how I feel, but it's lopsided on their end. My parents don't feel it necessary to be friends, but his parents do.

Of course it's nicer when everyone gets along and be cordial and enjoy the holidays together, which is the point where we are at, so I'd like to keep it that way with minimal drama.

snorwo3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fil-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b62eade7-64e2-44b6-acfb-b78843dfd95fPost:94f1f2df-7568-45d2-a60c-24e78b13c88e">Re: FIL Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In all honesty, I don't expect my parents to become friends with my in-laws. Friendly, yes, but not friends. And for the record, your mom is not required to like your FSMIL.
Posted by jolla92126[/QUOTE]

<div>I was thinking the same thing. They're not family and honestly, they have no need to spend time together. Even inviting them or holidays (which OP said her parents do) is unnecessary. Sure it can't hurt for them to get along, but it's not expected.</div><div>
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cesiao

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've gone through something similar. There's a good chance there will be future incidents, because it seems like they read into things a lot! At least that's what happened to me, one situation would end and another would start, very akward. The thing that's worked best for me, and I haven't had any problems since is to kind of brush it off, nicely change the subject...I mean you can give a brief explanation, but don't get into it too deep, and lastly let your FI help. My FI used to speak with my MIL for me if he saw things were getting out of hand. Again, I'm really sorry, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, because it can be weird when your actions or words are being read into so much. If your parents say something...it's wrong, if they don't...they're wrong. Just try not to give it too much thought, they're already doing enough of that.