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Moms and Maids

Trying to make peace with mom

I'm going to give a bit of history, so this may will be long; but I appreciate the help I can get. 
I'm 34 years old and getting married for the 2nd time.  My 1st wedding/marriage was rushed, and ended about year later.  Although we rushed into it we wanted a "real" wedding/reception so I bought a gown, veil, etc. . .but only about 10 people I worked with showed up.  I don't have any children. 
When my sister got married about 2 years ago she had went with her MIL to find her dress.  Asked my mom to go with her to "shop" but really just wanted my mom to "offer" to buy her veil/headpiece/accessories.
My relationship with my mother has been strained over the past 15 years.  But with all that happened in the past I thought it would be a nice gesture to ask her to come gown shopping with me without any requests of her paying for anything, or having already picked out the gown with a friend/future MIL.  At first she said yes, but then added that  I had to be ready to handle what her comments and such might be, because as she put it; "It's your second wedding, just get a white dress, put something in your hair and carry a bouquet. . .people will know you're the bride." 
While I don't have my heart set on a big princess ball gown that could rival the costumes for "Gone With The Wind," I do want something nice, and flattering for my shape. . .and if a ball gown is what will flatter me that is what I will get.  So now I'm wondering if I should just tell my mom to scratch the idea of me travelling back home because I really want someone to be supportive while dress shopping and not bringing me down with comments like "You're not 22 anymore" or "This is a SECOND marriage."

Re: Trying to make peace with mom

  • How nice of your mom to warn you : (

    Since she appreciates honesty so much, you should tell her you are inviting her along for support and a little mother/daughter time, not to be your fashion critic. If she still wants to go dress shopping, take her for a test run. If she starts criticizing your choices, call it a day. Cut the appointment short and take a kinder soul with you for the next appointment.

    If the trip back home is very far, you could try emailing some pictures of the types of dresses you would like to try. That should give you an idea of the type of commentary you could expect from mom.

    Good luck.
                       
  • Maire is very wise.  I think you should follow her advice to a tee.  Maire - that was brilliant!
  • I'm loving the e-mailing of some pictures and go from there.  I knew I would have to be honest if I said I didn't want to go dress shopping as opposed to making an excuse about distance/cost/etc. . Thank you ladies.
  • Thank you kmmssg. I have a rare moment of brilliance every once in awhile. I think you're pretty sharp, too.

    CowboyLvr, if you are honest with your mom, she will have the opportunity to correct her behaviour for the next time you want to do something with her.
                       
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