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I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.

Thanks everyone. I now know how to respond to the "why isn't you FSIL in your bridal party" questions.

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Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.

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    edited December 2011
    This has got to be MUD with all those "MY"s.  But on the chance it's not...

    You don't have to have her in your bridal party, and your mom shouldn't be saying anything.

    But you sound like a spoiled brat.  You get one day, not a whole year.  You don't get to demand other people put their lives on hold - and that includes engagements, weddings, and babies, and anything else they want to do - to accommodate your engagement and your PPD.  Your brother had every right to propose whenever he wanted to, and blaming your FSIL for "taking away YOUR time" is complete BS.

    If you behave like this in RL, I'm sure she wouldn't want any part of YOUR limo or YOUR head table.  Grow up.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:3e45dfae-ce99-47c6-8c26-64b0985a5409">I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, so I got engaged last year. Then my brother ruined it and proposed to his girlfriend.My fiancee and I finally set a date and we are getting married soon. My mom said that I should have FSIL in my bridal party but I don't want her in it because she took away MY time!! I am having 9 bridesmaids, 2 cousins and FI's 2 sisters and 5 firiends I do not have enough room for any more people in MY limo or MY head table. No one has sais anything about it yet, but if they do what do I do.
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]
    Capitalizing MY constantly makes you sound like a five year old.  The fact that you think someone else getting engaged around the same time as you ruined your engagement is extremely petty.  Personally, I don't think a meteor striking could have ruined my engagement.

    You don't have to have her if you're not very close to her, but your attitude needs a definite adjustment.  It's not just YOUR wedding, you have a FI too, and you'll be happier and saner throughout this process if you realize that not everything is all about you.  No, not even your wedding.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    edited December 2011
    I would be willing to answer you if your attitude wasn't all "she's ruining MY day". 

    If you aren't that close to her and she's not someone you want standing with you, don't ask her. If someone brings something up, just say that you have already chosen your bridal party and walk away. No need to say why you didn't choose someone.

    Just a suggestion, drop the "It's my day" attitude. Many do not respond to it well around here, and your family will get very sick of it quickly too. You should be happy for your brother and his wife to be. You get one day. Just because they got engaged before you got married will not take any excitment away from you.
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    edited December 2011

    Lets be honest, you wouldn't be mad if your sibling got engaged while you were engaged?

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:884ad4e6-c3d6-473b-a896-1443d2b5ca14">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lets be honest, you wouldn't be mad if your sibling got engaged while you were engaged?
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]

    No.

    Why? Because I love my sister and if she was going to get married while I was engaged I would be thrilled for her!!

    You really need to adjust your thinking.  You are being really selfish.
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    edited December 2011
    NO. It's exciting. If you guys are planning to have children, chances are they will be close in age, and always have someone to play with.  Your weddings can be very different even if they are close together. The only concern is to space them just a little if you have family that needs to travel.
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    edited December 2011
    It could have been worse. What if he proposed at your wedding?
    Seriously, you have no right to expect your family members and friends to put their lives on hold, until after your wedding.

                       
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    AthseaAthsea member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, I wouldn't. I'd be ecstatic if my brother met someone whom he truly loved and became engaged, even if it does happen during my engagement. No one's life stops just because there's a ring on my finger. You're engaged. That doesn't make you queen of the world, and it doesn't mean the world suddenly revolves around you. Life goes on, and except for your wedding DAY (not year), no one really needs to consult you about planning life events.  No one plans their life specifically to spite someone else unless they have serious mental issues. Your brother is in love. Be happy for him, like you want him to be happy for you.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:884ad4e6-c3d6-473b-a896-1443d2b5ca14">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lets be honest, you wouldn't be mad if your sibling got engaged while you were engaged?
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]
    Not remotely.  DH's two siblings were both engaged while we were engaged, and it never even occurred to me to think of it as a problem.  I got engaged a few months before my sister's wedding, and she never expressed any sort of ill will over it.  The world doesn't stop while you're engaged, and it's remarkably selfish to think that no one you know is allowed to be engaged at the same time as you.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    edited December 2011
    I just don't understand why he couldn't wait untill summer. It's not like one of them is leaving the country or something.

    Luckily, we don;t have to worry about them getting married the same time as me because they said they are waiting till next summer. We would really have problems if they wanted to get married this year.

    So, anyways, it;s okay not to have her in the wedding party. But do I HAVE to have her pass out progmams or something? Does she HAVE to be there when I am getting ready?
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:4541a6f3-4115-4d45-8a98-143883a60b5e">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just don't understand why he couldn't wait untill summer. It's not like one of them is leaving the country or something. Luckily, we don;t have to worry about them getting married the same time as me because they said they are waiting till next summer. We would really have problems if they wanted to get married this year. So, anyways, it;s okay not to have her in the wedding party. But do I HAVE to have her pass out progmams or something? Does she HAVE to be there when I am getting ready?
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]

    Why should he have to wait until summer?  It's his life.

    My brother got engaged about five months into my year-and-a-half engagement, and is getting married two months after me.  I am happy for him.

    Don't give her a crap job like passing out programs.  Let her be a guest.

    And while you don't HAVE to have her there when you're getting ready, I think it'd be a nice gesture.  MY FI's sister asked me if I wanted to hang out with them while they were getting read, even though I wasn't a BM, and I've asked my brother's FI the same thing.
    image
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:4541a6f3-4115-4d45-8a98-143883a60b5e">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I just don't understand why he couldn't wait untill summer. </strong>It's not like one of them is leaving the country or something. Luckily, we don;t have to worry about them getting married the same time as me because they said they are waiting till next summer. We would really have problems if they wanted to get married this year. So, anyways, it;s okay not to have her in the wedding party. But do I HAVE to have her pass out progmams or something? Does she HAVE to be there when I am getting ready?
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]
    Why in the name of all that's holy do you think that he should have to?  Do you honestly think that he should have put his plans on hold just because you wanted to keep the spotlight?  He proposed at the time that he felt best.  He didn't need to consult you for anything because it doesn't affect you and frankly, it's not really any of your damn business.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    edited December 2011
    I had to wait so long to find my FI, I think I deserve the spot light.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:d8d8b7e4-993b-4f84-b0b8-bd17d5d8c4d7">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had to wait so long to find my FI, I think I deserve the spot light.
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]

    Are you kidding?  Please tell me you're joking.

    You'll get your spotlight.  On your wedding day.  The whole year or whatever leading up to your wedding - you don't own it.  Get over yourself.  Be a reasonable person and be happy for your brother - and for the woman you're going to be spending family holidays around for the rest of your life.
    image
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:d8d8b7e4-993b-4f84-b0b8-bd17d5d8c4d7">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had to wait so long to find my FI, I think I deserve the spot light.
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]
    Either this is MUD, or you're insane.  No one can be this self-centered.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:d8d8b7e4-993b-4f84-b0b8-bd17d5d8c4d7">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had to wait so long to find my FI, I think I deserve the spot light.
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sure, for one day . . . not an entire year. A lot of people wait a long time to find the right person, you really aren't that special. It is super crazy and out there to think that no one else can get engaged or married in the same year as you. </div>
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    AthseaAthsea member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:d8d8b7e4-993b-4f84-b0b8-bd17d5d8c4d7">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had to wait so long to find my FI, I think I deserve the spot light.
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]

    You don't <em>dese</em><em>rve</em> anything. You know what you are entitled to? The right to marry the man you love. You have that. Be grateful for that much, women in half the world would kill to have that privilege. You get one day in the spotlight. That's your wedding day. An engagement is a period of planning your wedding. Not a period of being superior or more important than everyone else. Being engaged doesn't suddenly mean your schedule takes precedence. It means you're planning on getting married. It doesn't matter how long you waited for the right one to come along, you still don't get to control other people's lives, and they don't need your permisison to live theirs how they want.

    And in regards to your comment that it's good they aren't planning on getting married the same year as you, do you realize that your wedding day is one day? There are 364 other days in which people can do whatever the hell they want and don't need your permission or approval. 
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    edited December 2011
    I'm 31 so I did have to wait a long time. I don't care if anyone else gets engaged or married it just upset me bcause it is my brother. And his girlfriend doesn't even talk to me.
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    edited December 2011
    Well, if you come across in real life the way you have on this thread, I wouldn't talk to you either.

    So what if you had to wait a long time.  My FI is 30.  He wouldn't throw a fit over his sisters getting engaged.  That's because he's an adult, and acts like one.

    Your brother is entitled to live his own life.  You are not entitled to make him put it on hold so you can have all eyes on you for a freaking yet.

    Get over yourself.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    31 is seriously not that old. Not even close. 

    Glad to hear you don't care if anyone else gets engaged or married; start acting like it. And I wouldn't talk to you either since you get mad over things where most people are happy for each other. 
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    Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This has to be MUD or else I've lost faith in humanity.  Really REALLY?  Who cares who, what, when, why or how someone else gets engaged?  They have every right to get married whenever they want to.  Jeez if you were my cousin (who's like my sister) you would have FREAKED. She got engaged 2 months before I did and *gasp* I'm getting married 8 months before she is.  I totally stole her spotlight.  Totally.  How could I be so evil.
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    8daysaweek8daysaweek member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:6a5c84cb-2df2-464e-a46f-5895cd4b31be">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 31 so I did have to wait a long time. I don't care if anyone else gets engaged or married it just upset me bcause it is my brother. And his girlfriend doesn't even talk to me.
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]

    Judging by the contents of your post, you guys might want to wait a couple more years to give you some more time to mature.

    But it's YOUR special time so you won't listen to anything like reason. Clearly the appropriate course of action is to un-invite your brother and FSIL and stip your mom of her MOB honors until they are come to their senses and start giving YOU the attention YOU deserve.  Oh and FSIL must agree not to wear her engagement ring to YOUR wedding or talk about it to YOUR guests.

    Or you know you could be reasonable, grow up, get over it and be happy for your brother and make an effort to befriend and welcome his fiance. Your choice.
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    edited December 2011
    I don't see how I am being selfish. I want my time, he can have his own special time.

    so, should I not ask her to pass out programs?
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    MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs and call MUD.  Nobody can really be this self-centered.  I have another girlfriend of mine who just got engaged and most likely will be getting married before me - WHO CARES!

    I'm just so excited for her.

    BTW - 31 is not that old sweetheart - I didn't get engaged until I was 35.

    Get over yourself.

     

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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:6a5c84cb-2df2-464e-a46f-5895cd4b31be">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 31 so I did have to wait a long time. I don't care if anyone else gets engaged or married it just upset me bcause it is my brother. <strong>And his girlfriend doesn't even talk to me.</strong>
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]
    Maybe his FIANCEE doesn't talk to you because you're a 31 year old who acts like she's 4. 
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    edited December 2011
    YOUR day? Heaven forbid other people are in love. You should only ask someone to be a bridesmaid if you love them and feel really close to them. You are not obligated to ask her.

    Besides that fact... it is not all about you. Other people can plan and have their weddings in the same year/month as you.

    and umm... how exactly did she take away from YOUR time?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    I can't wait any longer to get married, I want children. I am mature, I am 31.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dont-want-fsil-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bb2d8f32-3477-4627-aef1-4011d8d1d450Post:630d29d2-1a26-43be-97fa-abf3c71da58a">Re: I don't want my FSIL in MY bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't see how I am being selfish.</strong> I want my time, he can have his own special time. so, should I not ask her to pass out programs?
    Posted by PantsDance[/QUOTE]
    Clearly.  Rest assured that you are.  Again, the world doesn't stop for your engagement.  It's a special time for you and your FI.  It doesn't mean a damn thing to anyone else.  People know how to be happy for multiple people at the same time, it's not a rare gift.  Well, you don't seem to have it, but it's still not that rare.

    And you shouldn't ask anyone to pass out programs, whether you like them or not.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    edited December 2011
    What does having children have to do with your wedding and your time?

    Again.... I am confused. What does YOUR TIME mean? Why does it matter that your bro proposed? You should be happy for him and excited to help him with his wedding plans!

    Shoot, I am an only child and not even that selfish!
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    edited December 2011
    And you shouldn't ask anyone to pass out programs, whether you like them or not.
    Then what do I do with them?
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