Moms and Maids

MOG won't stop demanding things....

My finace's mom is having a hard time remembering this is our wedding not hers. Everything has to be (so she thinks) the way she wants it. Down to the shower -- which last I knew, my bridesmaids planned that (as they are). She is mad about the location, and that it's in February because it might snow and the roads might be bad. We're getting married in April...WHEN ELSE WOULD SHE SUGGEST WE HAVE IT!?!?! Her fix to it is that I have 2 showers, 1 in Feb, and another one later (but still before the wedding) in case it snows and people can't make it. Maybe I'm just making it a big deal, but really!?!?! It's September, it's not guaranteed to snow on that day and even if it does...if it gets bad and people can't make what, they can send a gift, bring the gift to the wedding, or not give a gift at all. It really doesn't matter to me. I have told her MULTIPLE times that I only want one shower and if people can't make it that is fine. I'm at my breaking point with her because this is only one of the issues....but it's the one that won't go away. Any advice to get her off my back? Smile

Re: MOG won't stop demanding things....

  • utegogglesutegoggles member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First, if she is planning your shower, then she can. There's no big deal there?

    You're making a big deal out of nothing.. She's not doing anything wrong. She wants to make sure no one gets into an accident and wants to throw you a shower. I'd thank her instead of pushing her away.

  • hoffsehoffse member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Tell her your BM's are planning it, and that is the date that they can do it.  If she keeps pushing for a second party, simply decline it.  Don't fight her about it - just tell her that you won't be in attendance.
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  • edited December 2011
    If your bms are planning the shower, then it's up to them to plan it and decide on the date.

    It's okay to have 2 seperate showers, as long as the guest list doesn't overlap. But if you don't want to do that, tell your FMIL thanks, but no thanks.

  • lynxbbgirllynxbbgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is nothing wrong with her planning a second shower if she would like. Showers are good things, not something to hate.

    I think it would be rude to push her off if she would like to plan her own shower for you. There are several ladies who had to reschudule thier showers due to weather, it wasn't a big deal.

    Try to calm down and talk to her if you really think it's that big of a deal
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
     I'm guessing the shower is one of those straws that broke the camel's back.  Is the big issue the shower or is this the culmination of constant demands?

    If this is just the shower, you are overreacting. If this is that straw then have you and FI discussed the whole picture?  Stay out of the shower planning.  There is nothing wrong with having 2 showers as long as the guest lists don't overlap.  Would it be so awful to accept a shower for her side of the family at the time she wants to hold it?
  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just out of curiosity, how nervous of drivers does she think your guests are?  I lived in Cleveland for 10 years and the only days I would not drive was when we had a blizzard and you were going to get ticketed anyway if you were out of the roads.  It's NE Ohio.  People are used to driving in bad winter weather.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    My suggestion is to stay out of the shower planning process completly.  Brides shouldn't be in the shower planning process anyway...let your BMs and MOG work it out for themselves.

    It is perfectly fine to have 2 showers.  If your FMIL wants to throw you another shower then that is her decision.  If you absolutely do not want to have 2 showers then I suggest having your FI intervene and talk with his Mom.

    But in the end try not to let this stress you out because the pre-parties (showers/bachelorette) should be the job of the WP not you.

  • maelicmaelic member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're allowed to not have two showers, if you don't want two showers. Hell, when asked, I've specified to my future in-laws and my bridesmaids that I want ZERO showers. If my FMIL still wanted to throw me one, I'd politely decline. Again.

    Tell her again that, since your BMs are planning the shower, the date they chose is out of your hands, and while it's nice for her to be concerned about the guests' safety, you're sure it'll be fine day of. If she offers again to throw you another shower, politely decline.

  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    duct tape
  • edited December 2011
    My MOG and I have several personality clashes, but I'm doing my best to ignore her input on things and give her advance notice so she'll have time to get used to other things before she has to deal with them.  For instance, she's old school Italian and strongly believes that men/sons shouldn't be responsible for laundry/housework and girls shouldn't do any "manly" chores.  But, I grew up in a house that was gender neutral when it came to chores, my brother folded laundry just as much as I mowed the lawn... so when the topic came up I let her know that that's the way her future grandchildren would be raised and I told her nicely that it wasn't negotiable to me.  

    But, FWIW, I would be honored if my FMIL wanted to organize and throw a shower for me, but she's not financially able and FI's family live 1000+ miles away from my family so they probably won't even be able to attend the shower that my aunts are organizing.  If your MOG really wants to throw a shower, maybe you can omit FI's family from the shower that your BMs are throwing for you (which would mean less expense for them)?  She might know a little better what kind of event FI's family will expect and FI's family might be more apt to attend a shower that FMIL is throwing? 

    You only get to be a bride for the first time once, and I say any time people want to organize a Saturday afternoon with delicious food and give me gifts, I'm going to let them!
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