Moms and Maids

I Live Here - I Grew Up There

Lets start with my Mom and I have a great relationship and normally get along wonderfully. I love her dearly...  but since getting engaged we have been in an ongoing (somewhat passive aggressive) battle about where I should get married.  I currently live near Minneapolis, but grew up close to Milwaukee. It's a good 5 hour drive.

She wants me to get married in Wisconsin.  Getting married in Minnesota would be so much easier for planning.  She tells me if I get married in Minnesota, hardly any of my relatives and our sides family friends would come because they are older, and it's too far too drive. (100 of our 275 would be coming from that area).   I have tried to find places inbetween and have found a few but they are in a tourist area and no less expensive than getting married in a big city.  Every time I bring up getting married in Minnesota she makes a comment like that's too far away, or yesterday when I looked at a venue up here, her e-mail response was how about you get married in La Crosse (which is out of the way for everyone.)

This whole thing is making me really sad and stressed out...  I really want to have her input and respect some of her wishes...but the whole thing is making me not even want to have a big wedding (which she seems to want.)

How do I make her see my side with out making her mad or hurting her feelings?

Re: I Live Here - I Grew Up There

  • My nephew grew up in northern Wisconsin. His bride grew up in Michigan, and that is where they married. All the friends and family from Wisconsin, young and old, family and friends, pooled their resources and rented a coach bus to take them to the wedding. With the number of people making use of the bus, it was very affordable for them. I heard the trip down to Michigan was a great time, as well. Someone planned and organized a few "games" for riders to play, if they wished. Would that be a possibility?
  • Question 1 is who's paying?  If it's your mother, I think you're stuck with her call

    If you & I are paying for your own wedding, you get  all the calls. Including location.
  • I had this problem with my dad. He was dead set on me having the wedding in my hometown (where he still lives) instead of the city where I live now, primarily because he felt it would be more convenient for his family to go there than to come here. Even though I had absolutely no intention of having the wedding there, I told him I would consider it and looked at venues there - and I think it helped that he knew I was taking his opinion into account instead of just dismissing him because that wasn't what I wanted. Ultimately FI and I booked a venue where we live and told him after the fact, at which point the decision was made and he couldn't argue it any further. But I did let him know my reasoning behind it, which was as follows:
    - There were a lot more venue options here than in my hometown, and having the wedding here will be more cost-effective.
    - It's more convenient for FI and I to plan where we live instead of having to drive out there to do anything wedding-related.
    - My hometown may be easier for dad's family to get to, but it would be harder for my mom's family, FI's family, and all of our friends, many of whom have child care to consider - and we have to think of what's best for the majority of our guests.
    - For the guests who are flying in for the wedding (and there are a lot of them, including my MOH in California and my stepsisters in Georgia and Florida), we are literally 3 miles from the nearest airport. Hometown is a 2-hour drive from the same.
    - And, unsaid but heavily implied, FI and I are paying so the decision is ours.

    TL;DR, as long as your mother isn't contributing financially to the wedding, I would just let her know that you've seriously considered her concerns about the location, explain your reasoning behind why you feel this is the better choice, then make a decision and let her know that it is final. Will she be upset? Possibly. But waffling about it is allowing her to draw out the argument and making you more frustrated over time.

    Then again, if she is paying for some or all of the are fairly screwed.
    October 2012 December Siggy - A Favorite Wedding Photo image
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