Relationship with FMIL

mizzicantwait

So, just wondering how your relationship with the FMIL is developing after the engagement?

My FMIL and I get along great, but the FI is an only child so there is tension every once in a while about when she will be able to see him and what not. I mean I am not going to hold him hostage or anything but I don't want her over every weekend or anything like that.

So how about you girls, how do you get along with the FMIL and for the mothers how do you get along with your soon to be "daughter"?

barbie92

Well my relationship with my FMIL used to be great....then we got engaged!
After that things got really bad...she is telling people I am making him marry me
I am having some health problems and she has decided if they can't figure out what is wrong and fix me then he will leave me. I know he will not, but it hurts to know she thinks that.
I wish that our relationship was better and I have been trying. My FI has talked to her, but she isn't being any nicer...so we don't see her much.

Kniblet

When we told his mom we were engaged, she choked on her salad.  LOL.  But in a good way.  She got up and grabbed me in the booth and told me how happy she was for us.  We never had any problems.

Granted, she is a super friendly person.  Other than she can be a little irritating at times with the kids, we have had no problems at all.

jagore08

I love my MIL. They live across country from us and I wish they lived closer.  She always says she doesn't want to overstep her boundaries but she never does.  She's great.  She has her own MIL issues and has learned what she doesn't want to like.

vicki0508

I get the feeling that FMIL wishes we were closer.  She hugs me a lot, and I'm pretty sure she'd like it if I called her mom.  Unfortunately, I can tell that I'm not the type of girl she would've liked FI to marry.  I plan on working, not starting a family right away, and not moving back to FI's hometown.  So those are always points of contention.  So, I don't know.  It is what it is.  I'm ok with our relationship, because I'm not looking for a second mom.

graysquirrel

I barely have a relationship with mine. FI and I come from very different backgrounds. I'd day that our parents' views are diametrically opposed. It makes things a little awkward since, as older people often do, they are always wanting to talk politics or religion. They also live across the country, so we see each other rarely. When we told them we were getting married, the first thing they said was "are you sure you want to do this?" I hope that things will get better with time. 

SSaltzman87

My FI is an only child too. His parents are absolutely wonderful, and still are after we got engaged. It doesn't sound like she's done or expected anything unreasonable, she does have a right to spend time with your FI. I honestly wouldn't worry about it unless something bad honestly has happened, and if it has- let your FI handle it.

More than likely, she's adjusting to the fact that her child is growing up and getting married.

bourgehm

My FMIL and I do not get along well. We never REALLY did. We're civil, but we just don't 'click'.

mrsjustinm2b

FMIL does not get that I have a mom already...FSIL's hubby moved in with them while they were in HS and his family is BSC so he doesnt speak to them and they get him all the time to their family functions. We have had many a fight that has ended with FI telling FMIL that I have a family too and she needs to grow up and learn to share.
Since engagement she oversteps her bounds as MOG EVERYDAY. She would tell us to enjoy just being engaged out one side of her mouth and put the other side was phone stalking me re BM dresses when we were 11 months away, cried about me not taking her dress shopping and spamming me with things she thinks we "should" do for the wedding because "when FSIL got married..." jeeze.
Now shes hinting about babies and that she and FFIL will retire to take care of our child (who isnt even thought about yet BTW)...do you think we could get married first before I have to tell you to butt out of the rearing of an imaginary kid...whoa lol

McKenna2012

My fiance's mom lives out of state and they are not that close. We get along the same as we did before the engagement. I'm very grateful I don't have some of the issues with in-laws that I've read about here.

SaraAndrew2010

Before we got engaged, I had an ok but not great relationship with MIL.  We just don't have much in common.

The engagement and wedding planning process really damaged our relationship.  MIL went crazy over the wedding and spent the length of our engagement freaking out over every little thing, trying to micromanage us, not carrying what DH and I wanted, and generally being a bully. 

The wedding was 2 months ago and I'm working on trying to forgive and forget.  She's returned to being somewhat rational now that the wedding is over and there aren't any decisions to be made.  But I find it hard not to be bitter that MIL made large parts of the wedding planning process miserable for me. 

garcias1

FMIL is fabulous, and I love her to death.  Our relationship hasn't changed much since the engagement.  FI is the youngest of 3 boys and the last to marry.  He is the only one that has stayed nearby (other brothers live 2-2 1/2 hours away), so she is happy that he's still around.  She doesn't have any issues about letting go or anything like that. She also gets along great with my mom, although they don't see each other much because my parents live 2 hours away.  FMIL is a really sweet person in general and gets along great with anyone.

aerinpegadrak

I didn't actually meet MIL until after the engagement, so I can't really comment.  But my relationship with SMIL didn't change at all as DH and I went from dating to engaged to married.

amanda5093

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_relationship-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c29596e0-0396-4ff3-985b-0a36a9c18987Post:7545f08d-3d33-459c-a010-9d8db96d2e9f">Re: Relationship with FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Well my relationship with my FMIL used to be great....then we got engaged! Posted by barbie92[/QUOTE]

Same here!!!

R.Wilsonny

My relationship with my fmil is hit or miss. Overall, we get along, and she is a very nice good hearted person, but she tends to be overbearing and controlling at times. She has a habit of turning even the most simple thing into something complicated. And there are plenty of times that she will say stuff, and I don't know if she realizes that what she says might offend some people. (like her comment about my fi's cousin getting married in a catholic church, and not the armenian church like everyone else in the family - meanwhile, I am catholic!)

Planning the wedding has been quite stressful and a lot of that is due to the fact that she tries to involve herself in things, only to wind up causing chaos. Case in point, the florist. I went to see 2, and was convinced that I wanted to go to the first person I saw, but she insisted that I go to a florist that her church uses that would 'give me a good price'. She made it seem like she's dealt with the florist on a regular basis and it would be cheaper, but in the end, it turned out that she never dealt with the florist at all - didn't even know where the florist was located...rather than go into detail about that fiasco, becuase of her, the decision on a florist wound up being delayed for over 2 months.

She also tried involving herself in the venue.....my fiance and I picked out the venue, picked the room in the venue that we wanted to use after meeting with them twice. When he went back to the venue, check in hand to give a deposit, for some reason he decided to bring his mother with him. That almost went to complete s**t thanks to her when she complained that the room was too small, not nice enough, too much money, blah blah blah.....meanwhile WE are the ones paying for everything, not her. Because of her, my fiance started having doubts about the venue, even though both of us were there touring the grounds on 2 separate ocassions and decided we absolutely loved the place.

I've had issues with getting the guestlist for FI's family from her (names and addresses) - she changed the list like 10 times, up to and including the day I was sending the invitations out.

Then there was the dress fiasco. She has a personal seamstress who does work for her, and she insisted that I have this lady do the alterations for my dress. She left out that little detail that this lady has never ever worked on a wedding dress before. Just because someone knows how to sew, doesn't mean they are automatically qualified to do wedding dress alterations. The lady didn't even know what a 'bustle' was....so that was a big red flag right there. Unfortunately, the seamstress did not speak any english, so I was not able to communicate with her, and his mother kept assuring me that the lady knew what she was doing. This woman was going to CUT THE TRAIN OF MY DRESS!!!!! So no, she did not know what she was doing. I had to have my mother step in and tell his mother to give me back my dress so I could take it to someone who has a clue.

Mind you, this is just the wedding stuff (and only some of the wedding stuff that I've had to deal with). There's all the other things too. I realize she means well, but she has overstepped bounds or said things that I find myself thinking wtf on plenty of ocassions so it's hard for me to really have that bond like I would with my own mother. Hopefully this will change over time, but I doubt it....she's older than my own mother and set in her ways, so in the end, I will probably just have to suck it up and deal.

(sorry for the long post, btw....I think I needed to get this off my chest)

7118_na

My relationship with my FMIL has ALWAYS been up and down. For the first 2 years I had to hear about the girl Nick should have been with. The last year and a half had been going alright until the wedding planning. I've been trying to tell her details about my dress, reception, etc. Just to get her opinion and keep her in the loop. Everytime I would say something she only had something negative to say. Things escalated when we were trying to get an initial guest list (so we could at least order invitations) and I disagreed about a person she wanted to invite. It ended with her screaming about me "nto being able to tell her who she cna invite" and me just walking out because I knew screaming with her wouldn't help anything. At which point FI just told her it's OUR wedding and we have final say. After that night I just stopped trying to involve her. Someday when she looks back upon this time, when her only child was getting married, and realizes she wasn't involved at all and was nasty to me and knows it's her own fault. I will know I tried my best to get her input and involvement.

It just upsets me that she still hates me after 4.5 years. I loved how one of my friends put it: "Doesn't she realize, someday you'll be making a decision. Whether it's to move closer, visit your parents over his, or allow your kids to visit, it will be heavily influenced by you. You'll have the control over when your family sees her."

And while I would never keep FI or any future children away from her, I probably would pick my family Christmas over theirs.

snoangel79

My husband is her only child and for a long time we got along great! She is a real gossip though and now we have hit a bit of a snag. I feel uncomfortable around her as of today! haha I was just on the phone with my mom asking her what I should do! I'm glad to see I"m not the only one who has MIL issues!!