Irritating Brides Maid/Bride [Rant]

LadyAmayaDimir

I have a friend whom has been my friend since I was 9 years old. She is going to be one of my Brides Maids, of course. But, the issue is, she is also engaged and has asked me to be her Maid-of-Honor, which I am honored to do so. My wedding date is set for Oct. of 2011. Her wedding isn't sceduled until Aug. of 2012. Yet she insists on making all her arragements now. I tried talking to her and explaining that I have a lot of plans to do on my own, and that I will help her the best I can, but most of the appointments can wait a little on her end, seeing as some, if not all of her other Brides Maids will not be in the same size 2 years from now... She also lives out of town and expects me to make it to every appointment she has for dress hunting and what not, but can't seem to make it to any of the ones I had planned. I love her and all, but I'm about ready to just explode. I sent her some pictures of some dresses I was thinking of for my wedding, she then asked me if I've been looking for hers as well.
I was pretty sure picking out the dresses was the brides job. She also wanted me to price flowers for her.
She's pretty much asked me to plan most of her wedding. I never agreed to it, but I don't think she gets that.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_irritating-brides-maidbride-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c388832f-55cc-4d48-ba7f-81e04147f943Post:7d94f0e6-bb2f-43d9-9a1e-3ef558e22ec5">Irritating Brides Maid/Bride [Rant]</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a friend whom has been my friend since I was 9 years old. She is going to be one of my Brides Maids, of course. But, the issue is, she is also engaged and has asked me to be her Maid-of-Honor, which I am honored to do so. My wedding date is set for Oct. of 2011. Her wedding isn't sceduled until Aug. of 2012. Yet she insists on making all her arragements now. I tried talking to her and explaining that I have a lot of plans to do on my own, and that I will help her the best I can, but most of the appointments can wait a little on her end, seeing as some, if not all of her other Brides Maids will not be in the same size 2 years from now... She also lives out of town and expects me to make it to every appointment she has for dress hunting and what not, but can't seem to make it to any of the ones I had planned. I love her and all, but I'm about ready to just explode. I sent her some pictures of some dresses I was thinking of for my wedding, she then asked me if I've been looking for hers as well. I was pretty sure picking out the dresses was the brides job. She also wanted me to price flowers for her. She's pretty much asked me to plan most of her wedding. I never agreed to it, but I don't think she gets that.
Posted by LadyAmayaDimir[/QUOTE]

<div>It's time to be upfront with her and tell her that while you are excited for her, you are very busy with other things. She needs to understand that a MOH does NOT equal her wedding coordinator that is her and her FI's job. Also make it very clear that you will not be able to make all of her dress appointments because once again you might have other things to do. Just like you would not expect her to drop everything and come to your appointments either. </div><div>
</div><div>MOH has only basic requirements of getting their dress (like the other BMs) and showing up sober and happy to the wedding. Everything else is optional, planning parties, going to appointments, helping with DIY stuff, etc is not required of anyone in the WP. If either one of you want to help out or plan things then great but no one has too. </div><div>
</div><div>Communication is key, be upfront about things that you can and can't do and both of you should be understanding of one another. Do not hold certain "expectations" in what either one of you has to do because like right now it is causing some tension. All ideas, advice, and going to wedding related places should always be optional. Once both of you get this down, things should go much more smoothly with both parties.</div>

KaylaSue19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_irritating-brides-maidbride-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c388832f-55cc-4d48-ba7f-81e04147f943Post:1f758e70-8acb-4fe9-bf55-3501baeff45c">Re: Irritating Brides Maid/Bride [Rant]</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Irritating Brides Maid/Bride [Rant] : MOH has only basic requirements of getting their dress (like the other BMs) and showing up sober and happy to the wedding. Everything else is optional, planning parties, going to appointments, helping with DIY stuff, etc is not required of anyone in the WP. If either one of you want to help out or plan things then great but no one has too. 
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

Exactly. She can do her own dang research. Plus I agree with you, it is stupid for her to plan things out this far in advance. She is going to plan everything, her taste will change and then she will complain to the whole world. To which I would respond that it is her own fault.

MyWedding13

This sounds really irritating! That is a similar situation that I am in with FSIL, except she is getting married in 2012, but DOES NOT have a date set!!! Everything is about her wedding, etc. It's like I understand you are excited, but just wait for your turn. Also, because you are MOH does not mean you are at her every beck and call.

graysquirrel

Yes, being someone's MOH does not mean being someone's personal bitch. Kindly explain that she needs to make her own appointments and do her own research because she is the only person who can really decide what she likes. You could even recommend that she join the knot so that she can learn a few things

Seriously though, I would tell her that your wedding is closer and that you don't have the time to plan both. A friend should understand that.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]Tell her about this great board called The Knot, and how it's a great place for brides to unwind and rant. When she comes on griping, we'll set her straight. Fresh, young blood.....
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
bahahaha :^D

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_irritating-brides-maidbride-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c388832f-55cc-4d48-ba7f-81e04147f943Post:3211c94e-fd83-406c-aec1-7ea979e8a879">Re: Irritating Brides Maid/Bride [Rant]</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell her about this great board called The Knot, and how it's a great place for brides to unwind and rant. When she comes on griping, we'll set her straight. Fresh, young blood.....
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I'm selling tickets!!

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_irritating-brides-maidbride-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c388832f-55cc-4d48-ba7f-81e04147f943Post:3211c94e-fd83-406c-aec1-7ea979e8a879">Re: Irritating Brides Maid/Bride [Rant]</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell her about this great board called The Knot, and how it's a great place for brides to unwind and rant. When she comes on griping, we'll set her straight. Fresh, young blood.....
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
I think this is the best advice you'll get! :)

If that doesn't work, just keep declining and stop talking about your wedding with her as much as possible.

"Can you come down so I can try on wedding dresses this weekend?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I can't, I have plans.  But have fun without me!"

kayakrunhike

Is your friend still in the beginning of her engagement?  I also had a two year engagement, and i wanted to do a bunch of stuff right away as well.  (Who doesn't, really?)  Once I realized how much of it couldn't really be done that far ahead of time, esp with prices changing every year for the photographer, DJ, venue, etc, I just collected pictures and magazines and took a break from planning for a bit.

Anyway, if she's not- just politely decline some of the stuff.  I did most of my dress shopping alone (gasp!), since my mom can't really travel much, and most of my BMs didn't live close enough to go dress shopping easily with me.  I also suggest sending her here to the boards.  I have a feeling she's going to be a "everyone is going to wear the same exact hair, shoes, jewelry, fake nails and makeup or ELSE" kind of bride if someone doesn't rein her in early. 

SSaltzman87

You're not obligated to do virtually anything your friend's been asking of you, she should be doing her own research and making her own decisions about things. I agree with the PPs in that you limit your own wedding talk with her. I have a feeling that a lot of it is based off her own excitement of getting married/being engaged and getting caught up in it.

I'm getting married in late 2012, no date set- all I've done is look at a Ceremony/Reception venue! Prices change so much on things, so it's not worth it for her to set things in stone now. She has absolutely no reason to be this gungho right now-or ever really.

aerinpegadrak

In addition to what others have said, you might also want to caution her that a lot can happen in two years: venues can go out of business, she or someone near her can lose their jobs, they can move out of state, they can say "Screw it" and elope.  All of these are very good reasons not to get everything planned out so early.  There are a lot of girls around these parts (myself included) that had to throw out their plans and start over due to unforeseen circumstances.

lilcassers

That is ludacris. I would never ask my maids to do research for me. They have their own lives and have to plan their own weddings and take care of their kids. Not sure why the term "bridesmaid" was coined anyways. Your BM are standing because you are close to each other and you love them, nothing more.

rigel496

most of them showed up 15 min b4 ceremony started and one of them took selfies at the altar after my txts, calls, emails and in person rant (and a accompanying rant by my now hubby) saying that it was a no cell ceremony. all my other bridesmaids warned her to not take teh cell down the aisle. other than that everything went well, but im seriously very angry at lil mis selfies, after wards I've talked to her about it twice, MOH once. Can't tell if Im over reacting but seriosly selfies at my wedding next to altar, with a flash, and like 6 of them.

KeptInStitches

@knotporscha, the zombies have risen ...