So me and my FI have been engaged for only about a month, but we have been together for 5 years now. We won't be getting married until at least 2014 (I have to finish grad school and get a job and such..) but we are in the exploratory stages of wedding planning.
I have dreamed since I was little of having a traditional wedding with all my family and friends. But as I have really began to reserach the cost of a traditional wedding, I have come to realize that it is huge investment, not one that either me or my FI can afford. I have started to reserach different opportunities for weddings and I have fallen in love with the idea of a destination wedding on a beach (really love OBX) with just our parents and grandparents. And besides, a destination wedding is MUCH cheaper than the traditional wedding. I asked my FI what type of wedding he would like and he tells me it is whatever I love he loves.
So the other day, we were talking with his parents about it and I said that I want a destination wedding. His dad doesnt say anything (I really don't think he cares but he will just say whatever makes the FMIL happy) and FMIL gets all defensive. She keeps trying to tell me that distination weddings are so much more exspensive and that its better off being here with all our (really his) family and friends (including his grandma's 7 sibblings and family...). My FSIL stands up for me and is trying to explain to them that a tradiational wedding is more expensive and most of the quotes dont include everything (hall fee, bars, centerpieces ect.). But my FMIL just does not get it.
And now my FI says he wants this big wedding with all his family and friends there when before he said that it was what I want. He keeps saying that he is scared that his family will disown them or hold a grudge against me if his family doesn't get what want. And now, me and my FI can't even talk about this topic without starting a fight.
What I hear is her problem is that she doesn't feel like she is invovled in the planning process (again, this is all exploritory and we wouldnt get married for at least 2 years) and basically, since my FMIL doesnt think that my FSIL will ever get married, she wants our wedding to be that big wedding that she will never get to go to as a parent. And I think that his family members would all get offended if they werent apart of our day whereas my family would understand why we would have a destination wedding (even some are encouraging it).
My family doesnt mind either way and they just want me to be happy with whatever decision I want. I don't want to leave the burden on my parents to pay for a huge wedding that my future in-laws want while they havent stepped up to offer to pay for anything. My parents still have another kid to put through college and this isn't something that I want them to have to deal with finacially. Me and my FI want to help pay but right now, we really can not offer much financailly.
Is there anything to calm this situation? The logic that my future in-laws provide just irritates me. I am the person that I only care that my parents and grandparents are there for me. It's not that I don't care about the rest of my family, but these are the people that have been with me the most.