Asking maid of honor dilemma

sarahopem2

Hi All,

I'm pre-engaged (bf and I are looking at rings), and hope to be able to make a public announcement within a couple weeks.  At that time, I'd love to ask one of my good friends to be my only attendant, which would of course pretty much make her Maid of Honor.  Here's my dilemma, on which I beg some advice and counsel.

1.  I know that my friend and her husband are thinking about trying to get pregnant starting later this year.  I'm planning to try and schedule the wedding next year, time to be determined.  While I'd love for this friend to be part of my wedding, I'm reluctant to put this pressure on her while she may be pregnant.  Being in my wedding would require her to travel, for instance.  For myself, it would obviously be awful to plan her into the wedding and then have the timing not work out (i.e. she can't travel or winds up being due close to the big day).

2.  I would be asking this friend to be my Maid of Honor, though I wasn't in her wedding  (she had 5 attendants, I believe), and I don't want this to make her feel awkward.  I am not a terribly sensitive person and had never expected to be in her wedding (we were good friends, but not besties and didn't have a very long history together at the time), but I know she's the kind of person who might be conscious about this discrepancy.  That said, we've become even closer since then.  I hope that asking her would not be a problem in this regard, but am curious if anybody else has faced this situation and if it became an issue.

On the side of good, I live far away from most my friends and family, so I would absolutely not expect her to plan a bridal shower, or really do anything except be in the wedding, and I would make this clear up front.

Any advice?  I wish I could make this easier by just asking my brother, but then it would be three dudes and me standing up there on the altar!

-S

LDubHawksFan

Don't ask her right away, after you get engaged.  You need to figure out your wedding timeline first.  Are you going to get married next year?  Have a long engagement?  I have a BM who will have her baby 3 wks before my wedding and she is still hellbent on coming to CA from IA to stand up with me.  Your friend may be that way....but you don't even know if she will be pregnant when you get married, or if she will have already had the baby.  IMO, once you've set the date and it's drawing nearer (I asked my girls 9 months out....and then obviously got the great news that one was expecting!), then you should ask her.  She will know what she feels comfortable doing.  Even if she says she can't be your MOH, then you will still have asked her and she knows that she is who you wanted to be with you that day, and you can figure out if you want your bro to stand up with you.  Best case scenario is that she is able to come!

MairePoppy

You absolutely can ask your brother. If he is your closest friend, he is the one who should have the honor of standing next to you. The sex of your attendants is irrelevant.

Your friend's pregnancy status shouldn't matter. If you want to ask her to be your MOH, ask her. If she is pregnant around the time of your wedding, her doctor will help her decide if she should travel or not. It most likely won't be a last minute decision.

Your friend shouldn't feel awkward about you asking her to be in your wedding party-even if you weren't in hers. Don't worry about that.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_asking-maid-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c734ce74-e48e-40a6-9390-7d489a1dc309Post:9fa8b1ec-3ca4-4ff4-b255-24a96e7d555d">Asking maid of honor dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All, <strong>I'm pre-engaged</strong> <strong>(bf and I are looking at rings),</strong> and hope to be able to make a public announcement within a couple weeks.  At that time, I'd love to ask one of my good friends to be my only attendant, which would of course pretty much make her Maid of Honor.  Here's my dilemma, on which I beg some advice and counsel. 1.  I know that my friend and her husband are thinking about trying to get pregnant starting later this year.  I'm planning to try and schedule the wedding next year, time to be determined.  While I'd love for this friend to be part of my wedding, I'm reluctant to put this pressure on her while she may be pregnant.  Being in my wedding would require her to travel, for instance.  For myself, it would obviously be awful to plan her into the wedding and then have the timing not work out (i.e. she can't travel or winds up being due close to the big day). 2.  I would be asking this friend to be my Maid of Honor, though I wasn't in her wedding  (she had 5 attendants, I believe), and I don't want this to make her feel awkward.  I am not a terribly sensitive person and had never expected to be in her wedding (we were good friends, but not besties and didn't have a very long history together at the time), but I know she's the kind of person who might be conscious about this discrepancy.  That said, we've become even closer since then.  I hope that asking her would not be a problem in this regard, but am curious if anybody else has faced this situation and if it became an issue. On the side of good, I live far away from most my friends and family, so I would absolutely not expect her to plan a bridal shower, or really do anything except be in the wedding, and I would make this clear up front. Any advice?  I wish I could make this easier by just asking my brother, but then it would be three dudes and me standing up there on the altar! -S
Posted by sarahopem2[/QUOTE]

A piece of jewelry doesn't make you engaged; agreeing to marry each other makes you engaged.

You're engaged. Congratulations.

saric83

I know it's exciting and you want to ask her right away, but definitely wait until you guys have a date and location finalized. 

We had a destination wedding with two of my four BM's trying to get pregnant, so it was asking a lot of them.  In order to give them a very easy out : ), I actually sent them a card saying how much they meant to me and asking if they would be in the wedding.  But I asked them to think about it for a month and let me know then.  None of them took that long, but they all said they appreciated not being put on the spot since you get caught up in the excitement and agree before realizing financials/timing can work.