Mother in law losing it!

LEGALLYblonde86

I got a very public facebook comment from my soon to be MIL this morning. The email reads "there u go AGAIN A  posting ur dates and such u take complete control dont u in ur own way and D lets u 4 now but now I see it, with ur post, maybe some day (your daughter) will give u a taste of ur own meds, and u will see what I MEAN!!!! U play dumb but u just what u r doing, and dont give 2 shits 4 D side PARENTS. HOW DARE U!!!!!"
All becasue we decided on a date and did not tell her and his father first!! Throwing the towel in. I will do whatever I have to to make my soon to be husband happy and anything more then that isn't going to happen. We have not asked them to make a financial donation to the wedding nor did I ever plan on it. At 26 if we should be able to budget it for ourselves and have a wedding with in our means. However, with that said I have every intention on planning my own wedding, not a wedding that will suit her

skippylouwho

I'd also hide the post. The rest of your FB friends don't need to see it.

LEGALLYblonde86

it was deleted first thing this am, after her son saw it before I did. I did copy and save it in a file tho.

Maggie0829

Wow, your FMIL is not only immature (who the heck writes like that when they are above the age of 16?) but completely cray-cray.

em01092

Oh boy. I'm sorry. My FMIL is nutso too. She sent me a really mean email a few months ago. As long as your FI is on your side, that's all you can really do. Let him deal with her. 

LEGALLYblonde86

Thank you ladies. I have an amazing fiance. I would never ask him to choose between his mother and me, but when he called me this morning before work and told me about this he basically said, this is what happened and I will take care of it, you wont have to deal with her. Funny thing is, yesterday when I saw her she was my best friend. I understand how frusterating it can be to find out information from a social network but I have cousins that are Marines and need time to plan for a trip home. It was not like I did this just because I thought it would cause a riff in the family.  I have wanted a friendly relationship with her all along, its ashame that she has ruined that for us.

jemmini6

I still can't get over the fact that a grown woman communicates like that, and expects anyone to take her seriously.

Sorry you have to go through that (it probably won't be the last either), but I'm glad to hear your FI supports you and is dealing with his mother.  Feel free to come here and vent anytime you need to, there's a lot of people with crazy IL's.

LEGALLYblonde86

Jemmini6 thanks, thats so sweet. At least I am not the only one with a crazy MIL...I just wish that this had never happened. Like I said we never had any issues before today. I dont understand why this is what changed things.

Meghannsix

Wow that is shocking, and the language (is that a language?) she chose to use, just wow.

Here's something to make you smile, my first MIL once got angry with me for rusting the inside of her dryer because I put wet clothes in it.   Hmm, I guess I was supposed to dry them first?  Good luck!

DeannaCW

So... you posted your wedding date to FB before telling your FI's parents? I'm sorry, but I can see why she's upset. (though not why she's typing like she's 12 and calling you a horrible person).  She's a lil crazy, but you weren't totally in the right either.  You do get to control your own wedding, but keeping them in the loop wouldn't go amiss either.

LEGALLYblonde86

DeannaCW, I agree with that. She did have the right to be upset. I am not saying I was right. What was upsetting to me is #1 this was a public message for all to see. #2 you brought my daughter into this and I dont deal well with that, #3 on top of everything the manner in which she was talking to me is just downright uncalled for.
Being upset is one thing. Had that been a private message and not included my 3 year old, I probably would have just blown it off.

While I do love my FIL's very much, and trust me I still do, they are not the easiest people to break news to. When we told them that we had found a place of our own and that he would be moving out, it was like a major meltdown. And that was a sit down over dinner to their face conversation.

I wish this whole thing just went different. Not only for her and I ,but for her son and our future children together.

OliveOilsMom

I agree with Deanna, and I'm glad to see that you admitted to being slightly in the wrong as well.  But she did overreact and had no reason to post that to your FB.  In the future, if you want to post something on FB to alert your cousins to wedding related things, I would just private message them to avoid this kind of thing in the future!  Glad to hear your FI is going to talk to his mom about this.  Just get used to her doing this to you guys from time to time, if she acted this way when you told her you found your own place, I'm sure this type of behavior from her will pop up.

nlindsay17

Personally I would block her from my facebook wall. That was very immature on her part and who knows what else will make her snap. Yes, she had a reason to be upset but that did not give her the right to write something like that on your wall. If she gets upset that you blocked her let her know you wanted to avoid this ever happening in the future.
Best of luck!

Kate61487

I'm with Deanna on this one. I'm glad you do see that side of it, and regardless her response was totally out of line. But I'm seeing a pattern here that YOU could help fix. Not only would I have told my parents the date before posting it on FB I would have checked if it was a good date for them too before picking it at all. Likewise instead of having a sit down "hey we found a place and your son is moving out!" Maybe they would have been more comfortable with a "hey, we're thinking of moving in together and are going to start looking at places!" Conversation. A lot of times the advice on here is "stop sharing so much, they can't comment if you don't tell them", but in this instance I really think including her more could really improve your relationship. Just my two cents.

Cmerryman

I'm a FMIL and was also hurt by my FDIL, she two posted the date first without my son discussing it with us. Your FMIL resounded out of hurt, she responded wrong. It's you grooms job to share with his family but let's face it men don't understand why it's a big deal to discuss all this wedding stuff. As a his future wife you need to help him with what he needs to share. When you marry her son she is part of the rest of your life. I suggest you delete the file you saved and you and your groom tell her you sorry you posted with out telling them. Then remember you accepted her friend request, I am not FB friend with my kids or FDIL thats their space, when I have grandkids that's another thing. I never approached my son of FDIL about the posted date, to me the relationship is more important than that. It is your wedding but it's about your marriage and future life.

LEGALLYblonde86

Cmerryman...I want to thank you. Getting the point of view of a FMIL does help. Everything has been deleted. I always save stuff, write a response of what I REALLY want to say but NEVER send them. I let them sit for them some days, go back and read them, to let go of it and then delete. I do feel bad that this even happened. I have always wanted a good relationship with my in-laws. As for when they freaked out about us moving in together, I would like to say we didnt just sit down and say "oh he is moving out tomorrow" This was the four of us sitting down together, talking about what we were thinking about. We told them that over the next few months we would be looking for a place of our own in a town that is about a 30 minute drive from their house. They were upset because out of the three sons, my fiancee is the oldest and does help with bills and housework. The two remaining sons, who are good hearted and I love as if they were my own brothers, are rather immature and do not really help out with things around the house.

Ladies please understand, I really do love my soon to be inlaws. They are kind, and important people in my life. I was just so upset about the remark made. Over the weekend, I did ask them to sit down with me so that we could talk. I had every intention of apologizing. I was told by FFIL that she did not want to speak with me. I was able to talk with him and he has agreed to try to calm her down a bit.
I appreciate all your comments.