Moms and Maids

Mother question

Throughout the planning process, my fiance and I have been dealing with bumps in the road--some little, some not so small--like everyone else does. The only thing is, most of those bumps have my mother in common.

She was slow in giving us addresses for her side of the guest list until we gave a firm deadline, she became upset with me when I asked her not to wear white(I did tell her cream was fine, or ivory--just not WHITE white, you know?), and she got mad and told me to cancel a slideshow she asked for when I reminded her I needed the photos she hadn't scanned yet... Yeesh.

I'm at a loss as to why my mother is acting this way! She's always been more on the passive-aggressive side, which is confusing to me because I'm more direct, but I haven't picked up on anything that at all suggests she disapproves of the marriage. In fact, when my fiance asked for their blessing, he says she was beside herself with happiness!

My fiance thinks it's the realization that I don't need my parents(in terms of reliance) anymore that's making her resistant. I'm left wondering if I'm continually doing something to offend her. I don't know how to delicately bring it up, either, without it seeming accusatory. I love my mother, but I don't like this behavior! Thoughts?


Re: Mother question

  • bstentbstent member
    edited December 2011
    Hmm if you agree that maybe it's an issue with her feeling sad that you don't rely on her anymore, maybe try to make her feel needed in some way. Such as asking her help with some aspect of planning, going to her for life advice, or even just spending non-wedding-related time with her.
    One thing I'd suggest if you decide to ask her to help with planning or ask her for life advice, I'd recommend not asking her if you don't plan on taking her suggestion, as that might make her feel even less needed.
    I'm a big fan of talking about things, and think it would probably be best if you brought it up (although if she tends to be passive aggressive this may not get you anywhere).
    Tough situation! If you don't think asking her advice or her help with planning is a good idea and you don't think that talking about it will help, then I think you should just try to spend more time with her that's not wedding related.
    Good luck!
  • em01092em01092 member
    edited December 2011
    Do you think maybe she got offended that you asked her not to wear white? Most women know this is not socially appropriate so maybe the fact that you mentioned it made her upset you'd worry she'd do that. Idk. The addresses issue is whatever, as long as she did get them to you on time. I'm sure she has a lot going on. If you want the slideshow, you can still have it. It's your wedding, not hers. 

    Set aside time to talk after things cool down a bit. Be direct: "Mom, is there something going on that you need to talk about? I feel like a lot has been upsetting you. Are you just stressed about the wedding?"
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  • tiky32tiky32 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am having some similar issues with my mom. Our wedding is 27 days away and she is still telling me that wearing blue shoes with my dress will make me look like a clown, she even went as far as to tell us she is not going to a clown wedding, and refuses to speak to me. My FI keeps telling me to give her time and that it does not matter what she thinks because it is our day (which is true), but I love her and want her to be there and help me with the final plans.

    I say, just give her some room; it is possible that she had this grand image of your wedding in her head that does not match yours, and that is ok. But dont let her get to you, I did and I AM a nervous wreck!

    Good luck, I need it too..Wink

  • edited December 2011
    OMG! i was just coming on here to rant about my mom! im having motherly issues as well and im feeling stressed that she doesnt seem excited at so glad i am not the only one going through this...
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