none

chandarob

just peachy

skippylouwho

Maybe I'm reading this wrong but you say she didn't acknowlege your presence.  Did you acknowledge her presence? It goes both ways.    You'd have been ahead to either JUST call and say Hi and leave your hurt feelings out of it or to have waited a few days to cool down before you called her.

I don't know whether you owe her an apology but I do find it odd that, from what you said above, you are upset that she didn't acknolwedge you yet it sounds like you didn't acknowledge her.

I'd guess you are the younger person between the two of you therefore, my opinion is, you should have acknowledge her first and you did not.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c9c0fce8-a4a2-406a-97df-dde4abaeb201Post:08c69c2e-8025-42ef-8529-72b4869f812b">MIL problems</a>:
[QUOTE]I had to go to a tball game for the stepson to be the other day. When I got there I sat with who I saw first. It was my FI's brother and dad. <strong>After sitting and looking around for a few minutes I realized my MIL was sitting with my FI's ex wife and family. </strong>She Sat there the whole time. When I got home I called her and said hi since I didn't get to at the game. And I let her know I was a little hurt that she didn't acknowledge my presence. And that when she showed me his wedding album so I could see the color of there dresses, and when every time I see her she goes on and on about how beautiful his first wedding was that she really hurt my feelings. I told her were going to have to get along and that she better get used to me because I'm not going anywhere. Then she told me to F Off and Hung up. I didn't yell or curse. I just explained how I felt. Then she called everyone in the family and my FI and told them I verbally attacked her. I'm not exactly sure what else she said but she has turned this around to make me look like an ass. I'm really at a loss for what the Hell else transpired here. All I know now is my FI wants me to call and apologize.???? Should I swallow my pride and do it? I did not expect so much drama from expressing my hurt feelings.
Posted by chandarob[/QUOTE]

Why didn't you walk over to say hi to your FMIl? It makes no sense that you are mad at  her for handling the situation the same exact way that you handled it.

MairePoppy

Let me put it this way. When your fi divorced his ex, that did not end FMIL's relationship with her. The ex is the mother of FMIL's grandchildren. I think you are going to have to get used to the idea of seeing these women socialize with each other at the childrens' events. Your fi should have introduced you to his ex wife, before now, since you are interacting with their children. Try to be prepared next time with a few pleasantries for the ex wife. I know it's awkward because I have been there, but it's very important that you are able to have a conversation with the woman.

Your FMIL did nothing wrong at the kid's game. I'm assuming you were all there for the same reason - to cheer on your future stepson. You owe FMIL an apology.



ETA - Your FMIL may have kept her distance at the game because she felt awkward also.

mcskatcat

Really, I think your FI should be doing more in this situation.  You are his children's soon-to-be step-mother, and frankly that concerns his ex as well, so I think he should have introduced you by now.  I don't want to say you guys might be doing it all wrong, but I am honestly wondering how long he has been apart from his ex if 1) you haven't even met her but are engaged and 2) his mother seems to still be close enough to her that she enjoys her company.

And yes, despite all that, when children are involved the ex-factor (for lack of a better way to put it) is a permanent situation that you will all have to learn to deal with.  And unfortunately, this is an area where if people don't get along it often ends up in court, so I would find a way to get along with everyone - ex included.

zitiqueen

Check out her post history -- poor pumpkin didn't get the answers she wanted on MIlitary Brides either so she DD'd there as well.

chandarob

I do think it would have been easier had there been an introduction a lot sooner. We have been together for two years already. The relationship between him and his ex is horrible. I have wanted to meet before this. My FI has full custody of his son. The ex only sees him on weekends. I am eating crow and apologizing.

chandarob

Wow. I asked for advice. Not to be bashed. I've never been on a discussion board before. I just needed to vent and get some ideas. However, I guess I'm entertainment for some as well.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mil-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c9c0fce8-a4a2-406a-97df-dde4abaeb201Post:9aaa975f-5cbf-484c-8feb-838e60fa539b">Re:none</a>:
[QUOTE]I do think it would have been easier had there been an introduction a lot sooner. We have been together for two years already.<strong> The relationship between him and his ex is horrible.</strong> I have wanted to meet before this. My FI has full custody of his son. The ex only sees him on weekends. I am eating crow and apologizing.
Posted by chandarob[/QUOTE]

That's really sad. I hope for the sake of the little boy that the adults involved in his life can somehow find a way to be respectful of each other. That could be a lucky kid someday - to have his own cheering section at games and graduations.

A humble apology is the right way to go. Good luck.