Moms and Maids

FSIL will be 16 at wedding... Junior BM or BM?

HELP!!! My sister is my MOH and my FSIL will be my matron of honor. My FI also has a younger sister who will be 16 at the time of our wedding. Is she too old to be a Junior BM? Or should I include her as a BM? 

The things making this more complicated:
1. My brother, who will have just turned 18 when we get married, is going to be a GM.
2. I am struggling to keep my part of the BP to 6 people. I have 4 really close friends at home (plus the two sisters already included). I also have 3 great friends from college.
3. FI did not keep in touch with friends from HS and only has two really great friends from college and he is very adament about keeping the BP even. So I can't go more than 6 because that is stretching who he feels comfortable standing up for us.

My mom suggested that we say "just family" and do my sis and his two sisters. But that is too small for my FI because he has my brother, his BIL and two BFs he wants to include. 

Also taking suggestions for roles friends can play who aren't in the BP.

Re: FSIL will be 16 at wedding... Junior BM or BM?

  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    She's a bridesmaid.  I don't like the title "Junior Bridesmaid" for anyone - if they are carrying flowers, standing at the altar and smiling for pictures, they are bridesmaids.

    I think you should stop thinking about your bridal party in terms of numbers and more in terms of relationships and honoring those relationships.  Who cares if it's uneven?  Your fiance needs to get over that.

    Pick the people who can't imagine getting married without and let him do the same.  If it's even, great!  If not, it's such a minute detail that absolutely does not matter.

    Good luck!
  • lindseyann410lindseyann410 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't make her a junior bridesmaid unless you want to hurt her feelings and make her upset and possibly angry.  Kids that age are very sensitive and won't like it that you aren't considering her to be old enough or good enough to be a regular bridesmaid.  Just make her a BM- no qualifiers.

    Sides don't have to be even. Don't let some arbitrary number decide who is close to you.


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    No sixteen year old is going to want to be called Junior anything. BMs and Junior BMs do exactly the same thing, anyway. Ask her to be a bridesmaid.

    Your fi is wrong about limiting your side of the wedding party, based on the number of friends he has. Sides do not have to be even. Pick the people who are closest to you.

    You could ask your close friends to do readings at the ceremony. Beyond that, don't make up special roles for them. They will be your guests. That, in itself, is an honor.


                       
  • acwmacwm member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-will-16-wedding-junior-bm-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ca27c415-ce30-4d43-a985-386d7512b63bPost:b7a673f0-6da8-4210-88af-1d70c255f639">Re: FSIL will be 16 at wedding... Junior BM or BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]She's a bridesmaid.  I don't like the title "Junior Bridesmaid" for anyone - if they are carrying flowers, standing at the altar and smiling for pictures, they are bridesmaids. I think you should stop thinking about your bridal party in terms of numbers and more in terms of relationships and honoring those relationships.  Who cares if it's uneven?  Your fiance needs to get over that. Pick the people who can't imagine getting married without and let him do the same.  If it's even, great!  If not, it's such a minute detail that absolutely does not matter. Good luck!
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto all of this! Even sides aren't a make or break deal, and junior bridesmaid is an awkward title for someone doing the same thing as the (senior?) bridesmaids.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also I can tell you if, at 16, someone asked me to be in a wedding as a "junior" bridesmaid, I wouldn't have been thrilled-- at 16, I was certain I was already an adult. (I was wrong, but that's neither here nor there.)</div>
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    FI can add her to his side.  It's seems ridiculous to exclude his sister for the sole purpose of even sides.

    I also don't think you should be limited to 6 BMs because your FI doesn't have 3 more guys to add to his side.  That's absurd.  If they're close to you, they should be in the wedding party.  Picking some arbitrary number makes no sense.  You can have 9 BMs and FI can have 6 GM.  Your wedding will still be valid.  Basically, tell FI to get over his pressing need to have "even sides."  Wedding are about people, not numbers.

    Edit - the only "jobs" for non-WP members should be reader/singer/musician.  Those are actually honors.  Don't give someone a pity job like program hander outer, guestbook attendant, cake cutter, punch pourer, hostess, etc.
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto Everyone else... My daughter will be 16 at the time of my wedding and she is a bridesmaid... my 10 year old will be a junior bridesmaid and only because I feel she is too old to be a Flower girl lol....  I will not have a flower girl though...

    Not sure if that helps...
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  • edited December 2011
    I have never understood what a 'Junior Bridesmaid' is meant to be, except for in sizing for dresses. Just make her a bridesmaid.
  • FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I would make her a BM. At 16, I would've been insulted if someone made me a JUNIOR bridesmaid. To me, a Junior Bridesmaid is anyone over the age of 10 but under the age of 13 or 14.

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  • edited December 2011
    My niece, who is 11 was in our wedding and she was a BM, not a JR. BM
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  • Soon2BMrsClaySoon2BMrsClay member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't know what a "Junior" bridesmaid is...
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  • Bett2012Bett2012 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Definitely a bridesmaid. My FSIL is just graduating from grade 8 (tonight!) and she will be a full fledged bridesmaid next year - at age 14.  I was also a full fledged bridesmaid at age 14 for my aunt.  

    My little cousin will be 7 and she is the flower girl, and my other little cousin will be 9 and she is a junior bridesmaid. 

    I think once your age ends in "-teen" it is an insult to be a junior.


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  • LadyLawliet95LadyLawliet95 member
    Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, I am 16. This wouldn't really bother me much to be called a junior bridesmaid. But then again, it depends on her personality. Some teenagers react with sensitivity to ANYTHING (I've seen my fair share of those), so you really just have to get to know her first.
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