I have come to the conclusion that aside from getting help finding shoes, checking out really cool "Offbeat weddings" and awesome DIY's, I really have nothing to offer this board. At least on the other hand, I have foud some solace venting about a problem with my sister in the past, so after everything that happened yesterday I figure to just, have at it. So, warning, this is going to get long.
This past Saturday was my sister's bridal shower. I am her maid of honor and she is mine. We are getting married 3 months apart almost to the day. I have been with my FI for three years, we have a child and have been engaged for two. My sister started dating her now FI around tthe same time FI and I got engaged. FI and I announced (and paid the deposit) on our date and a week later sis pops up engaged and getting married 3 months before us. Since I am not part of that marriage nor am I paying for it I zipped my lip and took a big swig out of my half full glass. FI was instatnly annoyed and felt that it was very disrespectful for her to plan so close to ours whether it was before or after. I tried to stay positive but after numerous guests telling me that they can only attend one and her save the date arrived first and her booking the same exact ceremony music (sentimental tribute to my grandmother) and using the same idea for programs among many other things I am over this two wedding extravaganza. Plus, not to mention in my mom's eyes I am not a bride in any sense of the word until sis is married, which mean I can't get any planning done (parents are paying so I need mom). So I am basically being left with 3 months to plan my wedding which my mother will be in florida for 3 weeks of.
I am also in school, this is my last semester and has been a very tough one for me, For the past two weeks prior to the shower my mom has disregarded my school schedule completley and insisted I work on the shower every day, all day. Including cleaning her house, buying everything and setting everything up. I get that I am the maid of honor and that I am hosting this and I'm happy to do it but by no means does my sister's shower rank above me finishing my last semester of school and not having to repeat classes and defer my degree. Everytime I would say "no mom, I'm sorry I have an assignment that needs to get done and I have alotted this time to do it" aside from also being a stay at home mom to a two year old, she would get very angry with me.
Fast foward to the shower, since sis wants a suprise, I go to great lengths to insure she is shocked, which she was. After the shower, she makes a grand gesture of profusley thanking my mom, dad, her bridesmaids and FMIL but never once thanks me, knowing full well that all of her bridesmaids live hours away and I panned this and executed it by myself.
The next morning, sis is completley ignoring me. I am stumped and offended that she would act with such attitude towards me after I spent the past two weeks of my life bending over backwards for her. I ask whats up and the only response I get is from mom saying that she can't take the tension and she's going to walk in the park, so she leaves and sis just walks away. I'm stumped.
Next thing I know sis' fiance is asking me to come talk to them. I am sat down at a table and spoke to in the most condescending way, to the point that I was having flashbacks of cutting school or getting a speeding ticket and being sat down and lectured/yelled at by my parents. Turns out they have a problem with my fiance and they chose to handle it by yelling at me for it.
First of all if you have a problem with someone who is not me, why are they not here? My fiance and I both should have been asked to talk, not my sister and her fiance yelling at me about mine.
Second of all one of the first things my sis says is that she doesn't like the decisions I make, let me clarify she is talking about 5 years ago when I would smoke pot with my friends, stay out late and drink (legally). I am now a mom, who's about to graduate as an accountant who has been supporting herself and her family for the past 3 years and who is a completley different person. This was not a "I have a problem with something regarding your fiance." This was a "I really honestly don't like you and I'm sick of holding it in so I'm going to rip you a new one" kind of converstaion.
After about 10 minutes of being berated by my sis and YELLED at, and I mean YELLED at, I asked her to stop yelling, to get off her high horse, stop being condescending and thinking she is better than me and to talk to me like a normal adult. To which her own fiance even begged her to stop yelling. She apparently thought that was too much of a request and got up stormed off and told me that she never wanted to speak to me again and that I am no longer her family. Only after telling me that all of our spouses could walk away at any moment and that her, myself and our brother are the only "family" that matters.
Fast foward about an hour, I have asked fiance to come pick me and our daughter up. As he pulls up, I jump in the car with the baby and with that my mom pulls up and blocks the driveway. She jumps out of her trucks screaming at me to get back in the house and that we have to sit down and talk. So we do. The next thing I know my sister is once again citing a list of reasons she doesn't like me including my poor decision skills 5 years ago, that I am disrespectful to our mother etc.
I get extremley upset at this. I clean my others house, I run her errands I make dinner for her and my dad just about every night. When mom and I were supposed to be "Working on the shower together" who went out and did everything by herself since mom "was too tired?" When my sister lived with my parents she had my mom caring full time for her child, she never did her own laundry, she never cleaned up after herself and I was stuck listening to my mom complain about her lack of help and her nastiness for the longest time. The worst part is that my parents will be the first to tell you that my sister is just a natural bitch. It's her personality, she thinks she is better than everyone and that she knows it all. If you dare challenege her on whether it's a bit cloudy or just overcast she will full on rage at you.So after constantly listeniing to my parents admit what a bitch she is and that they don't confront her about her behavior beause they are scared of her wrath I got fed up. I am the exact opposite of my sister I am very passive, I can't hold a grudge to save my life and I swallow crap and let it go I don't harp on it and let it eat me and my relationships alive and I am an all around friendly person. I had it at this point, this crap has been going on since I was a kid and I'm over it. I informed my sister and my mom that my most important allegiance is to my future husband and to our daughter and that if someone has a problem with either of them they are choosing to not only distance themseleves from them but me as well and that I will not tolerate my sister demanding I choose between her and my fmaily. Second of all I finally told my sister she is a bitch and that I am sick of listening to her get her way with everything because everyone is so damn scared of her and this resulted in my mom denying everything she has ever said to me or anybody else about my sister and me just sitting there shocked that she could so blatantly lie while pleading with her eyes at me to not say anymore.
When my sister and I, our mom, and our respective fiances sat down, my mom said we need to get everything out on the table and air it out, I asked how she thinks thats possible when she isn't even being honest. This resulted in my mom getting upset, flustered and threatening to run away to Florida. Yup real mature.
So to sum it all up. I have not spoken to my sister and as far as I'm concerned this is a toxic relationship that I derive noting positive from . I have no desire to reconcile with her and I feel that at this point her standing up for me and me for her on our wedding day's is a farce. I understand that my upholding of her original request to "never speak to her again" is my decision but I do not want to be in her wedding or at it, I likewise do not want someone at mine who didn't support and lvoe my family and want to celebrate us. I know this is a relationship ending move and to be honest a weight has been lifted off of myshoulders and I am actually starting to have my tnesions headache ease away.