Moms and Maids

PG-rated Bachelorette Party

One of my boyfriend's best friends is marrying this girl I hardly know. She asked me to be a bridesmaid, and now she's asked me to plan her bachelorette party. I tried telling her I've only been to one before and it was just a lingerie dinner party, and it was 4 years ago, because I'm not comfortable planning something I've never been to.

She wants to have it in another town and have everyone stay overnight. It's not a very large town and the most popular thing to do there is go to the bar district (all within walking distance of each other). Another problem is that she doesn't really want to go out to the bars, so I'm limited on what we can do. There are no spas or nail salons that would fit all of us, and none of the Bed & Breakfast places let you stay just one night. (Her Bridal Shower is the morning of the bachelorette party, in another town.) This past Friday, she gave me the contact info. for another bridesmaid that's supposed to help me plan, but she lives in another state. Please help!

Re: PG-rated Bachelorette Party

  • Just tell her her no.You don't have to plan a b-party for this woman. 
    Its not the destination so much as the journey, they say. - Captain Jack Sparrow Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't know where some brides get the idea that it's okay to delegate party planning and other duties to their bms and friends. I think some people are taking those silly wedding shows too seriously.

    The other girl probably feels the same way you do.You could offer to organize  dinner and drinks at a local restaurant, a bowling night, movies and pizza, or whatever you have that is local. Keep it simple. If she isn't interested in that, tell her that you won't be able to plan an out of town party, but if someone else steps up, you would be willing to help out.

    And if you don't want to do it, at all, it's fine to say no. You're not the one who is being rude.


                       
  • From how you've described her, i have a feeling she would be the type of bridezilla to hate whatever you planned so I'd want to try to find a nice way out of this. Personally, I would really, really want to take my own advice and get out of it, but I have so much trouble saying no in situations where I think I could hurt someone's feelings (even if that person is kind of awful). So, I'd first try to contact the other girl. Chances are she is not really close to the bride either if you were her first choice to throw the party. By contacting her, you can come up with a plan that works for you (not necessarily this out-of-town location) and would still be fun for the bride and lay down the law. There's strength in numbers.

    I can't believe she'd ask you to have a Bachelorette Party for her! First of all, it is rude to ask anyone to throw you a party. Second of all, it doesn't even sound like you know her well. Also, what is the point of going to a town where bars are the only activity if you don't want to go to the bars?
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Tell her no. You are not obligated to do it, and she was rude to ask you to.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pg-rated-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ccab6c88-60f5-4c8a-a2d2-ee4a9435715dPost:ce30f40c-c20e-4bcd-a235-9fabcd548367">Re: PG-rated Bachelorette Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all for your advice. I can't bring myself to back out (bit of a pushover, obviously), so I've moved forward with the planning with the other girl. So far, I've paid for everything (invitations, stamps, hotel). The other girl said she'd pick up the favors, and I'm hoping I can get her to pick up the wine for the hotel. How do I politely and tactfully ask for money from the attendees? There are 16 girls being invited, including myself but not including the bride (I've read she's not supposed to pay for anything), and so far our total is about $550. I sincerely apologize if this comes out wrong, as I've never done this before and I don't know the protocol: would it be wrong to ask for an 1/16 from each person when the total include invitations and stamps? Of course, this would only be for the stamps that I use, as I don't plan on making money on this, I just don't want to lose money. My personal budget doesn't really allow for that.
    Posted by tiffanylaynemuck[/QUOTE]

    Oh no! I'm sorry you got roped into such a disaster. I don't think you can ask the other attendees for money for the invitations and stamps. I've never heard of this, but I've also never received a print invitation for a b-party. Is it too late to return them and just e-mail something out? The only things attendees will expect to pay for are their own dinner, a split portion of the bride's, and the hotel (IF they stay there).

    I rarely stay over at the hotel for a b-party and expect that there will be girls that don't want to for this one as well. It wouldn't be fair to make them pay for any portion of the hotel. If I was an attendee (not the host) and someone told me I'd have to contribute to the hotel when I wasn't staying, I would just say I couldn't make it to the event at all then. I guess I would pay a portion of the invitations and stamps because it couldn't be all that much money, but I would feel weird about that.

    Also, what kind of favors is she buying? Favors for b-parties are cheap! How is it that you got stuck with everything else and that is all she has to do?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pg-rated-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ccab6c88-60f5-4c8a-a2d2-ee4a9435715dPost:41470d94-211b-4bf8-83fc-9be6c33e4906">Re: PG-rated Bachelorette Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did just order the invitations today, but when the bride provided me her list of invitees, she didn't give me any email addresses or phone numbers, just home addresses. I didn't think about some of the girls not staying at the same hotel as us. It's one of the least expensive ones (without being a dirty or "cheap" place) in the town the party will be in, and one of three that still have rooms available for that night. Also, we'll likely all be carpooling together from the Bridal Shower to the town the Bachelorette Party is in. I'm not sure how anyone would arrange to stay somewhere else, unless they stay with someone they know that lives there. I can change the hotel reservation once I find out how many girls are coming, and I'm having them RSVP to my email, so maybe at that point I can ask them if they plan to stay at the same hotel.
    Posted by tiffanylaynemuck[/QUOTE]

    I guarantee there will be some girls that don't want to commit to the whole night. There always are. They may know a friend in town they can stay with or they may go home. Also, I'm sure that not all 16 girls will come at all. But you can always cancel hotel rooms when you have a better idea.
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