uninterested mom and too busy MOH

emilykat5

My mom has never been that interested in my life, unless its to criticise me.  So I've kind of kept things about our wedding from her.  Now she's getting mad and putting me on guilt trips about "shutting her out."  I've tried.  I got engaged on December 17, 2011 and wanted to go dress shopping with you, my sister (MOH) and my best friend.  We had a limited time to go since my best friend was leaving 2 days after Christmas.  She wouldn't tell me any days she could go.  So we went without her. Not thinking I would buy anything that day, but I found the perfect dress.  They wouldn't hold it, so it was buy it then or risk losing it.  So I bought it.  I got yelled at.  So, I've invited her to go with us in May to our planning session at our venue.  

My maid of honor is a whole other story.  She's almost 17 years old, so she's young.  But she works, goes to school, and dances 24/7.  She never makes time for me. Or anyone but herself and her boyfriend.  She tells me I have to tell her a week or two in advance to do anything at all with her.  Then gets mad at me when I do something wedding related without her. I shouldn't need to make an appointment with my own sister to do anything with her.  And I've tried that too.  But she always has plans.  

Another big factor is that i'm moving to San Diego, CA on February 16. Across the country. 2500 miles.  So I'm trying to get a lot of the wedding stuff planned before I leave. So I'm on a time limit but no one seems to care.  So I'm doing everything by myself, which I don't mind, it's just the fact that I'm getting yelled at and people are angry with me.  This is supposed to be a happy time, but it's stressing me out more than wedding planning is supposed to. Any advice? 

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]She tells me I have to tell her a week or two in advance to do anything at all with her.  
Posted by emilykat5[/QUOTE]

<div>This part is perfectly reasonable.  Heck, I don't deal well with spur of the moment demands, and I don't have the schedule she does.</div><div>
</div><div>No one will be as excited for your wedding as you are.  That said, if they're not, they shouldn't be blaming you for moving forward without them.  Keep them in the loop as much as you have patience for, but you would be justified in limiting your contact - or at least in cutting conversations short when they turn this direction.</div>

CowgirlK39

I would continue to extend the invitation to both of them, but if they decline or are too busy, then you can't say you didn't try.

pgcp

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_uninterested-mom-busy-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cd3f5ca6-eda1-4934-8997-635c8250d73ePost:9aa272cb-3de0-4937-a64c-a649d21387cf">uninterested mom and too busy MOH</a>:
[QUOTE] My maid of honor is a whole other story.  She's almost 17 years old, so she's young.  But she works, goes to school, and dances 24/7.  She never makes time for me. Or anyone but herself and her boyfriend.  She tells me I have to tell her a week or two in advance to do anything at all with her.  Then gets mad at me when I do something wedding related without her. I shouldn't need to make an appointment with my own sister to do anything with her.
Posted by emilykat5[/QUOTE]
Seriously?  You expect a high schooler to act like something other than a high schooler?  My younger daughter is the same age as your sister.  She would need a week or two notice as well. 

Between eight hours of school 5 days a week, two hour guard/band practices 4 days a week, band commitments (either all day marching competitions or 4 hour pep band duties 1 day a week), her part time job 6-8 hours a week, studying, finding a few hours of down time either alone or with a friend or two, sleep, she just doesn't have a lot of time to just dart off and do something without preplanning it.  It sounds like your sister is similar.

Kate61487

You're doing everything right, IMO.  You're perfectly content doing the stuff on your own - so this isn't our typical bridezilla poster who's PO'd that her mom and sister aren't available. 

If I were you I'd stop inviting them and stop talking wedding with them.  If/when they complain about it you can tell them that while you apprecite their interest this is your and FIs wedding and you really want to do this together with him. 

If you're not ready to cut them out all together then keep letting them know when you're doing things; it's not your fault if they can't make it.  If they lecture you about doing something without them calmly point out that you invited them and they didn't/couldn't/wouldn't come.  This probably won't stop them from being childish and whining that you're not including them, but at a point you just have to tune it out and go on with your life

emilykat5

"Seriously?  You expect a high schooler to act like something other than a high schooler?  My younger daughter is the same age as your sister.  She would need a week or two notice as well. "

The relationship between sisters is a lot different than the relationship between mother and daughter.  She is my best friend and I am hers.  And just because she's in high school doesn't mean she has to act a certain way.  My sister does have free time.  But decides her boyfriend is more important than family.  We live in the same house at the moment and she is litterally only home to eat and sleep just to leave again. 

And my fiancee is in the Navy and in a whole other state right now going to school.  So he's not here to get off his butt or anything.  If he was here, he would be helping a lot though.  But its hard for him since he's in an intense training school and being so far away.