Friend didn't ask me to be a BM should I ask her to be mine?

JessErinF

My friend Kara got engaged a couple months ago and is planning a wedding next fall.  She did not ask me to be a bridesmaid and I am a little disappointed, but its not a big deal.  I just got engaged last week and am planning a wedding about 2 months after hers.  I had planned on asking her to be a bridesmaid for me, but not sure what to do now.  I don't want her to feel pressured to ask me, and I don't want to interfere with her own wedding plans since they are so close together.  What should I do?

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-didnt-ask-me-to-be-a-bm-should-i-ask-her-to-be-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d4ca5553-18a5-413e-8667-4f284d8b8150Post:70b86926-8249-4562-bace-ccae4548fa25">Friend didn't ask me to be a BM should I ask her to be mine?</a>:
[QUOTE]My friend Kara got engaged a couple months ago and is planning a wedding next fall.  She did not ask me to be a bridesmaid and I am a little disappointed, but its not a big deal.  I just got engaged last week and am planning a wedding about 2 months after hers.  I had planned on asking her to be a bridesmaid for me, but not sure what to do now.  I don't want her to feel pressured to ask me, and I don't want to interfere with her own wedding plans since they are so close together.  What should I do?
Posted by JessErinF[/QUOTE]
1. Don't pick your wedding party until the beginning of next year.  It's way too early to start asking people.  Your friendships can change and if you're not as good of a friend with her in the next 8-10 months then you're stuck with her (and anyone else you ask).<div>
</div><div>2. WPs are not tit for tat.  When the time comes for you to ask your WP and you still want her to be a BM then ask her.  She can say no if it's too much for her.</div>

jmconley08

I agree that you should wait. Just talking from experience. I love all my bms just probably would have asked one more.

And ask her. I would explain what you just said. Especially that you don't want to interfere with her wedding. Also don't expect to have your shower like the week before her wedding because she will be super busy. But yes, just ask her. She could say no.

agu101

Is your friend having a large bridal party or keeping it very small?  Something similar happened with my matron of honor. She got engaged after me, but married last year.  She only had her sister and one of her friends that she grew up with (she was maid of honor in that wedding).  I completely understood why she did what she did and had a feeling she would go the smaller route b/c she knew so many girls.  However, I knew I still wanted her to be my matron of honor in my wedding.

As PPs have said, if she's not comfortable being in your wedding, she'll let you know or tell you she doesn't have time to commit to being in the bridal party.  As far as when to ask her, it really depends on how long you've known this person. I only have 4 BMs, and they're all girls I've grown up with so I felt ok asking them soon after I got engaged.  If you are planning on asking people you haven't known for a long time, then wait.