Moms and Maids

Help!

I am standing in a wedding in October and so is my future husband.  I requested to the Bride that I not walk with him because I would rather save that for my Wedding!  She snapped at me and said this is how it's going to be if you don't like it he doesn't have to be in the wedding.  I have no idea what to tell her and I have no idea why she would want to punish him because of my request.  I am thinking about not standing in the wedding.  What is your advise?

Re: Help!

  • edited December 2011
    Meh, is that the hill you want to die on in this friendship?  How important is it to you?  Stick to your guns only if you're ok with the chance of ending your friendship with these people.  The bride will probably come to her senses anyway, and honour your wishes.  If not, send her here.  ; )
  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think it's kind of a silly thing to ruin a friendship over.  Do I think she should concede and switch the order?  Yes.  But someone has to be the bigger person, can't it be you?

    This will not be a substitute for your wedding.  I guarantee walking arm in arm with your FI down an aisle won't make your wedding recessional any less special.
  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pps. Your friend is being rude, yes. She should honor your wishes. I'd try talking to her again when she's calmed down a little. But if you step down, realize that it will drive a huge wedge into your friendship, one that may never come out.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think both you and your friend are being silly. I would have assumed that you would prefer to be paired with your fi and don't really understand your reasoning. But since you've told the bride how you feel she should honor your request.

    But once again, is this really that important that the two of you would ruin a friendship over it?
                       
  • edited December 2011
    I think both of you are being silly also. FI and I are in a wedding this July and we're both excited to be paired together. That being said, she shouldn't have snapped at you but it's still nothing to end a friendship over. I would just suck it up and do what she wants in this case.
  • jenn&chadjenn&chad member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't see how being a part of your friend's wedding together makes your wedding any less special.  If it were me I'd be thrilled to participate in their wedding! 

    Maybe your friend is just stressed from planning and she was dealing with several other issues when you made your request.  She shouldn't have snapped at you, but be understanding of the fact that she's probably stressed.  Your understanding and your friendship is why she wants you to stand up there with her in the first place.  Don't cause her more worry now when she needs you. 
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  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So a walk down an aribitrary aisle is goin to ruin your wedding day?  You're willing to lose a friendship over this?  Ridiculous.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6aad9f3-1ddc-46fa-8d8e-c03ab59b1a7bPost:dc92af16-8300-4a87-b64c-c2287060fca6">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So a walk down an aribitrary aisle is goin to ruin your wedding day?  You're willing to lose a friendship over this?  Ridiculous.
    Posted by Cynthia1207[/QUOTE]

    Exactly my thoughts...this is just silly

  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6aad9f3-1ddc-46fa-8d8e-c03ab59b1a7bPost:5474a35c-21cf-43c8-8d7a-e515abcc4ba4">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think both you and your friend are being silly. I would have assumed that you would prefer to be paired with your fi and don't really understand your reasoning. But since you've told the bride how you feel she should honor your request. But once again, is this really that important that the two of you would ruin a friendship over it?
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto.</div>
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You are so completely overthinking this.  Have you and your FI never gone to a church service, a theater production, a concert where you've down an aisle to your seats together?

    Walking together in someone else's wedding in NO WAY impacts YOUR wedding.  I think you're being silly, and I think it's very, very, very sad that you'd be willing to ruin a friendship over a 20 second walk.

    But gee....good luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6aad9f3-1ddc-46fa-8d8e-c03ab59b1a7bPost:f527688b-6216-49cd-b781-0f2ec7caddba">Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am standing in a wedding in October and so is my future husband.  I requested to the Bride that I not walk with him because I would rather save that for my Wedding!  She snapped at me and said this is how it's going to be if you don't like it he doesn't have to be in the wedding.  I have no idea what to tell her and I have no idea why she would want to punish him because of my request.  I am thinking about not standing in the wedding.  What is your advise?
    Posted by meredithd21[/QUOTE]

    JIC
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6aad9f3-1ddc-46fa-8d8e-c03ab59b1a7bPost:06e8da7e-5d9c-4e9d-a3b3-6c7f6d154706">Re: Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are so completely overthinking this.  Have you and your FI never gone to a church service, a theater production, a concert where you've down an aisle to your seats together? Walking together in someone else's wedding in NO WAY impacts YOUR wedding.  I think you're being silly, and I think it's very, very, very sad that you'd be willing to ruin a friendship over a 20 second walk. But gee....good luck to you.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Exactly.  I'm dumbfounded that you would think this is a problem.  I've walked down aisles in weddings with my husband (future at the time), my brother, my best friend's fiance, another woman, and a 12 year old boy.  In all of them I was wearing an ugly bridesmaids dress that I was assured I would absolutely be able to wear again.  None of these impacted how I felt on my wedding day.  It's not YOUR day, it's hers.  Find something else to obssess over, this is not worth your time!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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