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MOH getting overrun by bridesmaids

ahamm2006ahamm2006 member
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in Moms and Maids
I'm MOH in my sister's wedding, that is in 37 days. She put me in charge of the bachelorette party and bridal shower, and I told the bridesmaids I had a handle on it. One of the bridesmaids in particular has basically taken over; for example, I told her that I invited everyone for the bachelorette party, and she e-mails me telling me she's basically gone behind me to talk to everyone on the list to get their RSVP (and I already had all of them but 2). She's also taking over the bridal shower, which is stressing out both me and my mom. I feel like there are way too many cooks in the kitchen and these girls don't know when to back off and let me handle things. I delegated reservation duty to this girl -- not to check behind me about RSVPs. Another girl is responsible for decorations and has been pretty good about letting me lead.  I'm about to lose it; now this BM has my sister irritated and stressed out, and my sister is taking it all out on me. Help!!!!
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Re: MOH getting overrun by bridesmaids

  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not sure why you can't just let them help you out.  You do not have to be the one in charge of everything.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If you wanted full control of the shower, then you should have just done it all yourself. In other words, you should not be assigning tasks to the BM's and not allowing them to have any input. If you and your mom are paying for everything, just tell the others that you can handle the rest yourself.
    I agree though, that the BM should not have pestered the guests for their RSVPs.
                       
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    1.  Your sister never should have "put you in charge of the bach party."

    2.  Let the other people help you.

    3.  Tell sis that if she keeps taking things out on you, she won't be getting a party.
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  • gigipurr84gigipurr84
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't listen to bablingbrooke and "tell sis that if she keeps taking things out on you, she won't be getting a party." That is ridiculous. Either decide to let them help you, or just flat out tell the one partiular BM to let you and your mom handle everything because things are getting confusing. Try your best to not break up your sister's friendship with this person, though. Just tell the BM that it is important to you to be able to do your MOH duties for your sister. Say something sappy, like, "My sister and I are close and this is a big momment in our lives. I only get to be the MOH once for my sister and it means a lot to me to plan these things for her. Please just relax and let me handle all of these things. I will let you know of anything that you can do to help", and then just stop involving her in things, until the actual events, of course.
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  • Caraydo84Caraydo84 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Did you confront this BM about her doing this and you thinking it's rude? You are the MOH and if you said you would take on the responsibilties you can tell her to "backoff" but expect to get feedback on why she did it. She might have thought you weren't putting in enough effort ot getting it done fast enough. maybe she thought she was helping you out and perhaps other things she is doing she thinks are better for your sister.. but unless some one tells her it's not ok she'll keep doing it. She obviously thinks she's doing a good job.

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  • swim1011swim1011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-getting-overrun-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d78a62ac-4d4e-47f3-9548-4dada693a8c0Post:ce77bf9b-57c3-493c-91d2-b21b8b2cdba5">Re: MOH getting overrun by bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't listen to bablingbrooke and "tell sis that if she keeps taking things out on you, she won't be getting a party." That is ridiculous. Either decide to let them help you, or just flat out tell the one partiular BM to let you and your mom handle everything because things are getting confusing. Try your best to not break up your sister's friendship with this person, though. Just tell the BM that it is important to you to be able to do your MOH duties for your sister. Say something sappy, like, "My sister and I are close and this is a big momment in our lives. I only get to be the MOH once for my sister and it means a lot to me to plan these things for her. Please just relax and let me handle all of these things. I will let you know of anything that you can do to help", and then just stop involving her in things, until the actual events, of course.
    Posted by 8124710929466695[/QUOTE]

    Ignore this post,and listen to brooke. 

    Life is much easier if you let others help you plan this stuff.  I've done it, and the help made it less stressful and much more enjoyable for me.  No, the other BM shouldn't have gone and gotten the RSVPs behind your back, that was wrong.

    And it isn't fair for your sister to take out her stress over the other BM on you. It's a completely separate issue, and if she's stressing over it, SHE needs to talk to her BM about it. 
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  • ahamm2006ahamm2006 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for your replies. Unfortunately, the drama continues, and one of the BM's made some snarky remark on my Facebook about not venting my frustrations online, and she assumed that all my frustrated status posts were about her and the other BM. I don't mind them helping, but I feel like they're basically taking over. My sister and I are not very close, and I really wanted to be able to give her all the bells and whistles, maybe as a way to bring us closer. As far as the BM pestering for RSVP's, I just felt that was terribly rude; I know if I were a guest and I had more than one person asking for my RSVP, I would be annoyed. Now my sister is not even speaking to me at all, and won't tell me or our parents why. She won't even return a text message. I'm about to hand over all the responsibilities to her BM's, since apparently she still talks to them on a regular basis. It's very disappointing that this isn't bringing my sister and I a little closer together, like I had hoped it might.
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  • gigipurr84gigipurr84
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Swim, So giving the sister an ultimatum is a good idea? That is what bablingbrooke said. I don't think it is fair to anyone to be given an ultimatum. If the OP refused to throw her sister a party, then the other BMs probably would have thrown one and not have invited her.

    My post's purpose was to tell the OP to decide either to let the BM help or not. And then I offered advice on how to let the BM know that the OP can do it herself, if that is what she chooses to do.
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