So, I'm currently in the middle of a stressful situation. My parents (I suspect strongly driven by my mother) have offered to pay 100% for the wedding. I am grateful that they offered, but I am now very glad that I haven't accepted money from them yet.
I said that my parents "offered". Well, perhaps a better term would be "demanded". They refused help outright from my fiance's family. Apparently, they hold on to the super traditional (and outdated, in my humble opinion) idea that this is their party and they have the right to host it. All of this would be fine by me if certian other key elements didn't go along with this view. Because my parents see it as their party, they are not taking into consideration what I want. They are insisting that I have an hours deorves only wedding. From what I understand (they've tended to not answer my questions directly) it isn't about the money, but about the image that is presented. My parents are very religious and don't want people (or me, I suppose) to focus so much on the party that we forget about the actual marriage, so they want to keep things extremely low key. However, I have a slightly different view of things. I am religious as well (just a bit less rigourous than they are), and I fully understand that the marriage is the most important element. But I also would like our families to share a meal. It can be takeout, for all I care. But it just won't seem like my wedding if there isn't a meal.
But the big thing that gets me is they are trying to exclude my fiance COMPLETELY out of the process. And I mean completely. They honestly believe that he should just give us his family's guest list, get his tux and his groomsmen and show up. I think that this wedding is OURS, not just mine and that I want him to feel a part of the event, but I don't know how to tell them that. I'd like his opinion simple things, such as which apatizers he likes best. But my parents refuse to even let him come.
Now, I know that people are going to tell me to just pay for it ourselves. On one level that is really appealing to me. On the other hand, I don't want to exclude my parents like that, because I'm afraid that they will refuse to come or sit through the wedding expressing their disapproval at every turn. I feel torn in two. Am I asking for too much? Am I being a Bridezilla because I want my fiance involved and would like a meal? Are my parents being resonable in their demands that they pay and control the entire thing? I've been very confused and upset for the last few days and would really like some advice.