Moms and Maids

I am wrong to be upset that my bridesmaid won't come to my wedding

I'm really upset that one of my bridesmaid and groomsmen not coming to my wedding anymore because they are upset that I am getting married one day before their 1 year wedding anniversary. The only reason we picked this date was because it was the only time in the summer that worked for our families. She told us that she is planning to have a party with her bridal party on our wedding day to  celebrate their one year anniversary and my fiancé was one of their groomsman!!! This really suck because her bridal party are our friend too and we are worried that our friend won't come to our wedding because the already RSVP to her party :( I don't understand why she is being so mean, and I think this will be the end of our friendship because I cant look at her in the face without feeling really hurt and pissed. What should I do?  

Re: I am wrong to be upset that my bridesmaid won't come to my wedding

  • edited December 2011
    Wow, that's ridiculous. I can't imgaine that people actually want to celebrate someone else's wedding anniversary and on the day after the actual date. 

    I don't really think there's anything you should or can do. If they want to throw their party, let them. You picked a date that you and FI agreed on and that was convenient for your families. It really just sounds like your friend is being selfish and immature, so I would just ignore it and send your invitations as planned. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice. It just really hard for my fiancé and I to accepted that this is the way their are acting. We are still sending them an invite and hoping that they will change their mind and support us, like we did for them. 
  • edited December 2011

    You are not wrong to be upset, I would be upset about that as well.  I'm sure most of your friends will realize what is going on and will go to your wedding. 

    If I had two friends in your situation I would talk to the friend with the 1 year anniversary and really make her look at what she is doing.  I'm sure you will have a friend who will end up taking it upon herself to be the voice of reason. 

    But just remember you will have an amazing day with or without this friend.

    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You each get one day for your wedding. Your friend already had hers and does not have an exclusive right to that date or weekend.

    Is your wedding next summer (2012)? If yes, get out those 'save the dates' ASAP,  so your mutual friends will know your wedding plans. If I had to choose between a wedding and an anniversary party, the wedding would take precedence.

    Good luck.
                       
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    I can't blame you for being sad.

    And FWIW, I think your BM is acting beyond petty.  She had her day and now it's time to let you have yours.
  • HandBananaHandBanana member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  I agree with CMGr that you are better off without these people in your life.

    She jsut sounds rediculous and her H is probably just as bad.  I would even consider just cutting out mutual friends who instigate more drama about this situation.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_am-wrong-upset-bridesmaid-wont-come-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8f029f5-6d50-4749-ad2a-8adaa6ca6ff7Post:5f425b18-0485-4c54-9aac-1a5fb2c04891">Re: I am wrong to be upset that my bridesmaid won't come to my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]You each get one day for your wedding. Your friend already had hers and does not have an exclusive right to that date or weekend. Is your wedding next summer (2012)? If yes, get out those 'save the dates' ASAP,  so your mutual friends will know your wedding plans.<strong> If I had to choose between a wedding and an anniversary party, the wedding would take precedence. </strong>Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
    This. Especially a first anniversary party. Who has one of those, beyond maybe a dinner with parents? If it was choosing between my grandparents' 60th anniversary party and my friend (not BFF)'s wedding... well I'd have to think about it for awhile. But wedding usually trumps anniversary party. There's one wedding but many, many anniversaries.

    OP, your friend is being selfish and immature. Consider yourself lucky that you discovered this now.
  • schbucli3schbucli3 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow! That's crazy, I don't blame you for being upset. I'd think it was pretty cool if one of my good friends picked my wedding date or the day after, I'd go to the wedding then plan a joint anniversary/ newlywed party to celebrate! She's definitely being a lot selfish!!
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  • edited December 2011
    That is really rude of her. 

    I personally don't understand why they would have a party for their 1 year anniversary.  OR why anyone would want to go.  That should be a nice romantic night between the two of them.  If they dont want to come to your wedding then who cares, but they shouldnt be throwing another party for themselves.  Their day has past. 

    I wouldnt worry about it.  I think people would come to your wedding over an anniversary party.  I know i would!! I agree that you should send the save the dates now though.  That way people know your date and dont make any other plans. 

    I just have to ask...Did this BM send out invitations for her anniversary party for next year already?  THAT is just crazy if she did.  She sounds like a controlling, self centered nut job. You are better off not having her at your wedding.
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  • JamesTesJamesTes member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone posting here. If they wanted to celebrate their one year anniversary, especially since y'all know all the same people, then why not enjoy your wedding? What better way to remember theirs? I don't know a single married couple who goes to a wedding and *doesn't* think of their own. They would be supporting you two like you did for them and vicariously reliving their own wedding. They can do a party the day later if they have to be in the spotlight but for that day, it's for you two.
    ~Forever and Always.~
  • edited December 2011
    Well, I must say, your friend sounds like a selfish brat.

    When my fiance and I get married, it will be on a friends birthday, the day before his brothers anniversary, and four days before my sisters one year anniversary. And they are all excited about coming to our wedding! We plan on acknowledging all of their special days, (:

    Hopefully your friend will come to her senses and realise that a wedding is a one time thing, while an anniversary is yearly.  
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with all the PP.. She sounds immature and selfish.. Also It sounds to me like they're having a "1 year ann" party for the presents! Which makes them greedy as well!
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